5/2/15 was our date....

by kristin

It all started in January 2011. I'm at a guy by the name of Brett he was everything I ever wanted ,everything I ever dreamed of, he was perfect, or so I thought. our first few dates involved a lot of drinking and a lot of social activities at random bars in the town he lived in ,which happened to be about 30 minutes from where I was living at the time. it took one night of unprotected sex and December 2011 my daughter, Olivia,was born. there were many red flags in the pregnancy that I tried to ignore. I was in nursing school I was set to finish nursing school December 8, 2011 and the only thing I was focused on was a healthy baby & becoming a nurse. The day before I had Olivia I was having regular contractions every 5 to 10 minutes and they were becoming a little bit irritating so I knew it was going to be a miracle if I make it to the exams and finish school but I'm gonna do my best to try. Brett left to buy a Christmas tree that night and several hours of waiting and watching the clock he finally showed back up, drunk. to get to the point of that now I'll skip to June 2013. by this point in our relationship he's totaled two cars and was charged with one DUI he walked away unharmed and the house that he hit suffered damage that was for recovered through insurance. he realized he had a major problem at this point and decided that he needed to leave the family and go back to his parents which was about a 30 minute drive from where we were currently living. It got to the point where he wouldn't even talk to me now....made me feel like the things he was doing, could it be my fault? I then found out he left us because he was seeing someone else that he worked with....I was devastated, I was crushed, I was lost. We stayed in contact but were separated until August. He sent me a 7 pg email & basically said , " i want to be your husband, your teammate, your best friend. He wanted the family back together. i accepted & tried to believe him. He bought an engagement ring & proposed. of course i accepted. I then became pregnant with my now 6 month old, Nolan. After i found out about my pregnancy, the "other woman" called me. She informed me that she's been staying at my house while I was working night shift but she'd never met my kids they had several episodes of unprotected sex. my world stopped. i debated an abortion but couldn't follow through with those selfish thoughts. He still to this day denies any sex with her.
ok, ok....
now, i'll skip ahead. I went back to work on the second week of July after having my precious baby boy Nolan. Things seemed to be perfect....his job was easy & he loved his job, alcohol wasn't a factor in the relationship and now he's even quit smoking cigarettes!!!
but then....
football season at the University rolls around, Brett was promoted to a kitchen manager for the athletic department . His hours change drastically. He's now working 6days/wk. 12-15 hours a day. this of course puts a strain on our relationship and our family. i cry. i try to tell him these hours aren't feasible. nothing changes.
Now the dreaded day of October 19 rolls around. he left that morning to go get a coffee at a store that was two minutes away.... he was gone for an hour. at this point I feel like I've completely lost him and all intimacy...he won't lay in the bed with me, we sit on opposite sides of the room, he takes his phone everywhere....so I ask him, " can we talk ?"
walk outside and about that time his phone receives a text message that states "I'm about to get in the shower ;)"
i ask... "who is Rosemary?"
he says, "just a co-worker" .... the questions continue & then he admits that they've crossed some boundaries but flirting was a far as it got.
I knew I couldn't believe him but I wanted to so badly. the next morning when he wakes up he tells me that he's going to handle everything with her is going to make sure that she knows that he has a family, a fiancé with two kids. he lied.
he left us on October 20th, he had a bag packed and I got home from work to find him drunk (& never showed up to the sitters to get the kids). I begged him to stay but he had her come pick him up and they left. he told me he didn't love me anymore & was gone.
he showed up with a uhaul 6 days later demanding a couch, coffee table & other possessions that were given to us as a couple. he has now been gone 10 days & has called to check on the kids 1 time. What happened to us? What happened to our love? What happened to our family? how could this be "the answer"? They have been staying together in our old home since the night he left. He's already lost his job & i know he's headed down the wrong road. i dont want custody battles.....

Comments for 5/2/15 was our date....

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Oct 30, 2014
5/2/15 was our date.......
by: Doreen UK

Kristin many relationships go through changes and challenges, and many couples manage to work through these changes and resolve their difficulties. In your case your partner cheated on you behind your back. He then brought his new girlfriend into your home and abused those boundaries, whilst you were working. He showed you little if no respect and he thought he could play two women at the same time.
Your partner cannot commit to you or the relationship which is why it broke down and he moved out. IT IS NOT FAIR for you to be treated so badly. He dismissed your feelings and that of the relationship. He sounds like a very unstable person. You should go and get yourself some good counselling and move on with your life. You should not have to carry any responsibility for his actions. WE all have CHOICES every day of our lives. Your partner may realize in time that he made a mistake. But he is old enough to get it right and make up his mind what he wants.
Just don't waste your time on this loser. He abused you in the worst way possible.
If he ever came back to you it would be a mistake to take him back. You deserve more respect than to be used this way. It is such a pity when you can't have the person you love in your life. But he is wanting to be with someone else and there is little else you can do. It will take some time to recover from your grief, but know that you will recover and get your life back. I am sorry for your loss.

Oct 30, 2014
No real loss
by: Anonymous

Kristin, How sad for you that you have no self esteem and was so blind as to think an alcoholic, lying cheating boy/man was ever going to change. Not only do you take him back two time I'll be willing to bet you'd set yourself up for more disappointment if he called you today. The only reason he did what he did was because you showed him he could. I understand that you didn't want to break up your family but your children and you deserve better and are better off without him.

I pray you won't ever be the same person you were who would allow such deplorable behavior from a man. I hope you get your self esteem back and never let another man treat you in such a way as to disrespect you and your children.

Please get your backbone back and stand up and make sure he takes care of your children. And then work on you to see why you would ever out up with such crap from a man.

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