54 Birthday Alone

by patricia
(Las Vegas, NV)

Hello Darling

Hello Darling

Well hello again... I thought at 3 years and 3 months I wouldn't have the meltdowns for awhile....
Wrong....
Maybe because Louie, Billy's childhood friend getting ready to turn another year older I'm wondering many years older to I need to turn???
I've had 2 Billy meltdowns this week. Yes I know because my birthday is coming up I'm thinking of him more often... I really don't need to have anybody tell me this... its the stage of anger and I'm guessing I haven't passed that stage. Whatever, yes I'm all sure we all visit that stage of grief a lot. Its not that I haven't passed it because in most days yes I have... but.... we are allow, sometimes to step 3 feet forward and then 2 steps back. Even if is anger is step 14 we still feel it in our hearts because there gone. With lost comes anger. We fight is but sometime it pulls the rug from under us. Its not fair, its our hearts breaking into a million pieces wondering how to put them back together or if we really can ????
Meltdown, Meltdown...
The edge is not as sharp but the heart still aches for a love we trying to hold our souls and warm our hearts. I walk in a world of people doing people things... my steps walking with those in the outer world of normal. Do they understand I walk a path, to run to get to my love... it has rocks, dips and turns I'm still trying to follow. I will some day reach the end of this road and Billy will be standing waiting for me, smiling with welcome arms....
Until then...
I'm always
1 step, 1 breath at a time....

Comments for 54 Birthday Alone

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Oct 19, 2013
Patricia
by: Anonymous

I am so, so sorry that you are struggling right now. I did not lose a spouse, I lost my father, but watching my mother go through her grief is unbearable. I know how hard this is for me, and I can't imagine what she must feel like. I still cannot believe he is gone, and my whole world has been shattered. My parents were together 50 years. This month, we got through her birthday, their anniversary, and my Dad's birthday. It has been a rough, rough month. I hope you find some comfort here...we all understand what you are going through, we are all in the same place. Peace to you, Barb

Oct 19, 2013
54 birthday Alone
by: silver

It's been 2 yrs and almost 5 mos for me.I feel the same way.When we send on our other half,we feel lost and torn apart.Like you said there are days I feel OK.Then there are days I wish I could sleep and not wake up so that I could be with my love again. Enough time has passed that most people don't even realize that I still die inside on occasion.I don't think it's that they don't care,they just don't understand.They can't unless they have gone through this.My mom and dad died within the same 17 months that my husband died and both their deaths didn't hit me as hard as my husband's.You spend half your life with someone and all of a sudden they're gone. Like you I wait for the day when I can run to my love and hold him again.The good news is that it does get easier.I don't cry as much or as hard.My dear love said once(his mother died the yr before we got married) that you never get over it,it just gets easier to deal with.GOD has been my strength.I keep all of us in my prayers.

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