6 Day's = 1 year

by Patricia
(Las Vegas)

A kiss ~ a moment in time ~ forever

A kiss ~ a moment in time ~ forever

So ~ I'm doing OK at this very moment in time. The 21st is coming and I'm being visited by dear friends. 16th - 20th and then 24th-26th. I'm imaging someone up there is doing a lot of two stepping around to help me. Just a thought and feeling that I'm getting. The demons are at bay so the sorrow and tears are not as painful giving me the pain. I'm scared of the 21st. What will happen? who knows. Will I melt away and never be seen again? Not likely. Just another day in the world but to me, 1 year. I keep thinking of Billy, missing him so much. But I know he's in a better place. No more pain, built in a body that can walk the straight, I don't need to help him. The spirit remains strong and carries that love to me. Even on the day he left me. I will cry tears of longing and missing him. I will wish he was here with me. A heart wants what a heart wants....
My arms always reaching and aching to hold him. He holds my heart forever more.
So this day, the 15th I remember I have a friend from Arkansas coming tomorrow. It's Las Vegas and were doing the tourist thing and in the process helping to heal my broken soul. She comes when time permitted and somehow knowing to give me strength to pass through this difficult part of my journey. I still miss you Billy.
This journey I travel, like so many before me and those that follow will have to endure ~ love, soul mate, lost and finally strength to travel alone. You are with me in my heart and spirit, the comfort of my arms will never feel you again. Hearts no longer beat together as one must now beat alone. So it is, as it will be from now until we are together once more.
always me,
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~

Comments for 6 Day's = 1 year

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Jun 16, 2011
6 Day's = 1 year
by: Annie

Hi Patricia. The 21st will be a big day for me also. My Clyde died on December 21st so I will be hitting the 6 month mark. I don't often respond to people's postings but I have read yours and am so amazed by you. You have so much good and grace in you and I don't think you are realizing that. Your postings have helped me so much when I have hit below rock bottom. Many mornings around 2 or 3 when I could not sleep, I have gotten on this site and read your postings. You have showed me I am not alone in this and that has helped me deal with all the craziness, fear, loneliness and self-doubt I have been going through. Treasure your friends because a lot of us have had our friends move on. My dear and best friend told me last Monday that I was being selfish and thinking only about myself because my grief was lasting this long. She recommended I move on and get back to my old self before Clyde's death. That sent me reeling and during my pity party, I realized my phone does not hardly ring anymore and all I get now is junk e-mails.
I will move on in my own time with the help of all of you on this site. You all are my angels. I want you to know Patricia that I will be thinking about you on the 21st and know I will be there with you in spirit.

Jun 16, 2011
6 weeks...
by: Christine

Today is six weeks for me. There are moments that I think I'm going to be ok then there are others. This morning was hard for me, as are most mornings. I wake with a smile then realize...

I still feel so lost and although am now struggling with the little things. I have accepted my new life and am trying to move forward slowly but everytime I turn around something reminds me that he is gone. He's not there when I wake, when I get home, I still reach for the phone to call and tell him something...

I admire you for your strength having made it this far. I only hope that I am able to trust in God to help me find the strength to go forward.

God Bless you and may you have the peace and love to go forward!

Jun 16, 2011
Thank God For Friends
by: TrishJ

Pat~
How wonderful for you to be sharing all that time with good friends. I have three besties, two from high school (class of 71) and one that has been my friend since pre-school. I don't know what I would've done without them the past 6 months. My sister (and entire family for that matter) is so judgmental I want to choke her most days. My daughter just posted on face book "unless your life is perfect, don't judge others." I've had several people judging me through this grief ride.....but not my dear true friends.
Good for you. I hope you have a great visit with them. When you wake up on the 21st try to focus on all the things you are thankful for. When I get really down I sit and reflect on Joe's last day, his last hours, those last terrible minutes. I almost choke myself with the crying. Focus on your friends and all the love you have around you. Billy would want that for you.
OK....are you going to remember this when December 3rd rolls around? I'm going to need all the help I can get that day. My husband's good friend George always told him not to put your winnings back into the slot machines (if you like to gamble). Get fresh coins. It always worked for us. Just a friendly tip if you like to play the slots.
Best, best wishes for you. I will be thinking of you on the 21st.
PJ

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