6 months later

My Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer at the age of 51, after suffering for many months with no diagnosis. Her Dr totally failed her and did not order a colonoscopy years ago based on her risk factors (stomach problems her whole life, anemia with no known cause starting years back). When she got very sick she was in and out of the hospital and no one believed her. We watched her suffer and knew something was terribly wrong. She died needlessly from a treatable disease and now my best friend is gone and the sun that held our whole family together is gone.

She lived for 17 more months past diagnosis, on chemo almost the whole time to extend life. When they could do no more for her she still did not give up. She kept fighting and would not admit it was near the end. I could see she was wasting away and was there for her every day but it never feels like enough. She was the strongest woman I have ever known and I am nothing compared to the amazing woman she was.

6 months later and I am still so brokenhearted facing my children's birthdays and mother's day and all of the events that she loved and cherished. I don't know how to pick myself up from this and feel so alone.

Comments for 6 months later

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Jun 21, 2012
6 months later - Issues with doctors
by: Anonymous

To Broken hearted losing mother of 51 and Leslie,

Upon reading your posts I got to thinking about the issues you raised and the pain of doctors not doing their jobs and causing someone to lose their lives when they didn't need to. It carries a lot of anger.
When my husband Steve had the encephalitis. The neurologist said "Why did you leave it so late to come to us" This statement triggered a lot of anger. Our Doctor (General Practitioner) ignored weakness in the legs and Steve could not walk or stand up. The lady doctor came and told Steve. "Come on get out of that bed you don't need to be in there." Steve was sleeping a lot and could have gone into a coma (with this disease). Steve was slipping away and we called an ambulance. To cut a long story short. We had problems with the paramedic who was challenging the need to call an ambulance. Steve could have died. I ended up pouring out my heartache to our MP (Member of Parliament)I think in America this would be the Senate.
Our MP put procedures into place and I faced ongoing battles with our doctor, Primary Care Trust, Health Care Commission. All the time I stated. I am fighting this battle not to get any doctor into trouble. WE WANT BETTER HEALTH CARE. I could push a pen and I let the whole establishment feel my wrath over Doctors not doing their job. I refused to see the lady doctor who told Steve to get out of bed. She was disrespectful.
I fought a huge battle with the whole establishment and did not let them get away with lies told. I almost had a nervous breakdown fighting a huge battle by myself.
In the end our Doctor came to the house. APOLOGISED that mistakes were made and said that they only get 5 minutes training on this disease. But I went onto the internet and it said. Any weakness in the legs is a dangerous sign and should not be ignored. It is serious. How come the doctor didn't know. After this we did get better health care. But our Oncologist let us down in the end. He discharged Steve from his care and put nothing into place e.g. Palliative Care. So when Steve suffered 3yrs.39days of pain with cancer he felt abandoned. Let down. The nurse said she would see us in 2 weeks. This turned out to be 2 months. I wanted to write to our MP again but another nurse spoke for me and I got things put in place. But Steve suffered for 3 yrs. Our health Service is failing. Lack of money is the reason we don't get the care we need.
Steve's pain management was not in place due to lack of funding to doctors. Who suffers. WE DO.
I hope this story helps those struggling with the same issues. Best wishes

Jun 20, 2012
6 months later after Mum died
by: Doreen England U.K.

Dear broken hearted,
I am sorry for the loss of your mother at the age of 51. Nothing prepares us for the death of our loved one. It probably feels worse because your mother had a treatable disease and could have gone on to live longer and enjoy life.
My husband had encephalitis in 2005 and had a full body scan and this didn't pick up his deadly lung cancer in 2009. Steve had MESTOHELIOMA. A deadly incurable and inoperable lung cancer caused by working with asbestos, and takes 40-60 years to develop and Steve was spot on for 40 years development. It was such a shock and the worst news anyone can hear and yet many people go through it. Sadly we cannot get together and grieve together. This may have helped. Sadly life is lonely now. Pain is all we have daily till grief runs it's course. Doctors fail us. People fail us. Children fail us. and still we have to carry on with the anger and fight another day with the feelings we struggle to feel so that we can let go of this awful grief. None of us however find it easy to pick ourselves up and live to fight another day without all the sorrow of missing our loved one. Fighting hard for the memories of what they last said. How they last looked. How they last felt about knowing they were terminally ill and going to die but didn't know when. Thinking of all the things that one wished they had said, and things they wished they hadn't said. Life is such a roller coaster of emotions after we have laid our loved one to rest whether burial or cremation. This too can cause problems. Steve wanted to be cremated. His family gave me a hard time over this. I chose to respect the families beliefs. I buried Steve instead of his wish to be cremated. I knew Steve would want me to do the right thing and because I respected his families wishes I knew he would be O.K. with this. Death brings up other unresolved issues and this can be a very turbulent time for everyone. There will be family members who want to know when the reading of the Will will be and if they are included and they will base their self esteem on this. The loss of a loved one is not all one has to grieve over. It is all the other unresolved problems that crop up and has to be dealt with. I hope you are able to get the support you need at this time and that you will begin to feel happier in time and realize that grief has to run its course. Best wishes

Jun 20, 2012
I feel the exact same way
by: Leslie

I feel for you.....
I , too, lost my mother 7 months ago and I am still devastated.
My mother died on Nov. 18, 2011 and she wasn't even sick. She went in for a procedure and then that night she she went into cardiac arrest and died.
I,also feel that doctors should have sent my mother for tests earlier when she continued to have high blood pressure that would not go down ( even with meds). I blame so many of her doctors that saw her for years. All she needed was a simple stress test years ago and her heart would have been healthier years before.
Me, my sister, two brothers, fat he and our children are devastated by my mothers loss. I can barely get through each day.
I have a loving husband and two small children that help me through my grief, but I still feel so alone in my pain.
If you want to speak fur her, please contact me.
I definitely know how you feel because I am living the same life right now. My mother, sister and I were best friends.
( north Attleboro, MA)

Jun 20, 2012
Bless you!
by: MeMe

I just want you to know my heart goes out to you and it's hard to lose a loved one to natural causes but unexplainable when it's at the hands of aanyone. It's makes it harder to cope with because everyday we say IF for whatever the reason it happened hadn't happened they would still be here. It's so many emotions like anger, hurt, grief, and everything that comes along with it. Feels like a piece of you died when your mom died and you never envisioned your life without her. Deal with it your way on your time and every day that passes it does get easier to deal with whether it's 6 months or 6 yrs you have to have it in your heart, soul, and mind that you want to get through it like any other obstacle in our lives. Death can destroy a person and make all sorts of things cross our minds. My daughter (only child) and my husband died 3 yrs ago 3 mths apart after losing my mom, dad,and grandma practically back to back and I'm still struggling! When I'm not busy I think and I'll breakdown so I keep busy. It's hard but I'm determined to get ALL of my joy back not just some so my motto is 1 day at a time.

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