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6 months today

by Donna
(Texas)

It was 6 months this morning about 8:30-9:00 am. Why did this have to happen? Bryan was such a good man, everyone liked him. All of his co-workers wanted to work in the same dept. that he did, no matter what dept. that was. He made work fun, he made life fun. He made our life fun and very special. I was so blessed to have had him in my life for 26 years. But again I keep wondering why did God bring me my soulmate and then take him away from me. I know I shouldn't wonder this, I should be thankful, most people in this world never find their soulmate. I now understand how lonely those people are, as I am that lonely now.

I miss him so much. I often find myself asking the question with so many bad, ugly, down right mean people in this world why did God choose to take Bryan. Why do the bad people seem to live a really long life. He was one of the few genuinely good people that I knew. He always thought of other people first, if you ever needed help and he could help he was right there.

He told me a few days before God took him that he wasn't afraid to die, he was just afraid to leave me all by myself. Today was so hard, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I went through the day mostly in a numb zombie state. But I somehow survived it. I went to visit him yesterday since the weather was good. I didn't want to risk not being able to go see him if the weather turned bad again, you never know, I live in Texas. Bryan used to say if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. I miss him so much, this life is so hard without him. I go one step one breath

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6 months today

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6 months today
by: jules

All of the feelings in these posts are my feelings - 14 months and 5 days since my darling John left me.

I know he had to go - he could not have lived with the disability his stroke left him with - he was a doer - a man who used his hands all the time, an artist - he had a left side stroke, which is the "doing" side - left his right side completely paralysed - no speech, great difficulty in swallowing etc., so how could he go on - he had massive bleeds on the second night after his initial stroke - and that was it.

I am sitting here with the cd player on - a song has just come on "The Great Pretender" - that is how I feel - as if I am living two lives - I am so lonely for the person who knew me best of all.

but for now - one step, one breath - take care
jules

2 Months
by: Cindy

Donna,

I know everything you are saying. My husband was the same way. He always put me first and was a wonderful man. It has been two months since he passed away and I am so lost and lonely traveling on this journey by myself. He was the love of my life and we would have been married 35 years on February 7th. Some days I just don't think I can make it without him. He was my whole life and this life just isn't worth living without him.

I went to an interview today and just lost it. The lady told me I was not ready to go to work, but I have to support myself. He was so good to me and I had not worked in years. He was old enough to draw his social security but wanted to continue working so if something happened to him, I would have enough money. Now it doesn't even matter. He was 10 years older than me and I can't even get his social security until I am 60. That is just not fair. Not only do I miss him so very much, I can't even take care of myself.

I pray that we find peace. I know what you are talking about when you say that God allows the mean people to continue living. I just don't understand it either.

Rusty was such a wonderful person and was so good to others also. He was such a positive person and when I was down, would lift me up.

Just wanted to let you know I feel exactly the same way you are feeling. I would give anything for my soul mate back.

Cindy

The ride
by: Zoe

It is like a rollercoaster up and down then circles just for fun

All I can tell you at 10 months is those slams into the wall seem less frequent

My John was such a good man
He died of pancreatic cancer, the same thing Steve Job the president of apple has.
I was furious I remember saying to the doctors if he was Steve job you would save him he is not more important than John

John laid there and held my hand while I was yelling going calm down baby they are doing the best they can. Well they didn't John died and Steve job didn't.

Now the fact is johns liver was also fully engaged he could not take a transplant
I have that knowledge but emotionally I was angry

Then last week he announced a medical leave and I saw the picture of him I know that look
All I could say was I'm sorry I hope they can save him again

We don't get answers
We just get to be without our love
But know we are here for you
Every day any time
This site has saved me more times than I can think
One breath one step
Zoe

for Donna
by: Mari

I am so sorry for the way you are feeling. Six months is not very long. You will have days like that. I agree that a lot of people who are not very nice get to live longer. That is one of the mysteries of life.

I can tell from your post that Bryan loved you very much and hated to leave you.
God has an appointed time for everyone.
Things will get better for you. Just continue taking those baby steps. It is good to express your feelings the way you do.
There are a lot of wonderful people on this board.

The 22 was 14 months since my husband went to be with the Lord. He was suffering and God took him. Now I am here in our home by myself.

I can tell you Donna that time is a great healer and I am better. Of course life has to go on and I have to take care of everything here. But I can say that I am doing pretty well. It was the first year alone that I was not myself. 2010 was a difficult year. But I am grateful for the years we had. Just remember you have us on this board. Whenever you want to express your feelings we are here and we do care for you. God bless you.

Wonderful Bryan
by: TrishJ

Blessings to you Donna. It's now two months for me ~ I'm not making much progress. Saturday I went to visit mine and my husband's two best friends. I laughed my head off with them for 5 hours. It felt so goo~reminded me of old times we all spent together. Then it was time to go home~alone and I cried to whole 2 hour drive home. Today I am missing my husband so much. We lived the last 2 years of his life in a panic fearing that every day would be his last but hoping for a transplant. I'm just worn out. I feel like I don't have the strength to grieve properly. I cling to this web-site for stories from brave courageous people like you to gather strength.

My husband was a good kind man who everyone loved too. I miss that crazy sense of humor and that twinkle in his eye.

What are those written words?? It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I guess so. It just doesn't feel that way right now. I know with time I will be able to look back on my memories and smile as I'm recalling them. I have to take one breath, one step at a time. Thanks Donna.

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