6 months

by Gregg

It's been 6 months and I still can't get out of bed. Tried suicide once. The thought wont leave my mind. What to do with my dog? what to do with my possessions? A bottle of sleeping pills and the pain will be over and God willing we'll be back together.

Comments for 6 months

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Jul 25, 2011
no responses of condolence from anyone. why?
by: basil/qld.aust.

the postings i have read so far mirror my own emotional rollercoaster ride.we had spent 35 years together,however i became full-time 24/7 carer to her because of chronic renal failure and cardiac problems.one sunday afternoon ,she said to me "i feel a bit funny" this was at 2pm. about an hour later the doctor phoned to say"i am so sorry ,but we could not save her." grief,now as i am realising,can only seem to understood by those who are experiencing the same agony.i really feel so inclined to say to those say "i am so sorry comments" please just do not say anything about it,unless you have been there! my beloveds funeral request was to be cremated and her ashes to be scattered over the pacific ocean just off the gold coast.now she passed away in early jan.2011 and for all the relations and friends,plus numerous nurses and doctors and others,do you know that not one card of condolence or a compassionate phone call was received by myself after her passing.we both had cordial relations with all of these people and i and am so hurt-emotionally shattered and wonder what i may have done to offend these people.please,if anyone has experienced the same kind of response or lack of it or has any answer as to why people behave in this manner,i would really appreciate any feedback

Jul 14, 2011
9 months later
by: Anonymous

Hi Gregg I had the bottle of 90 xanax and a whole lot of alcohol to wash them down. I wanted to be with my son. Thank God I called a friend who intervened. My life was full of pain every minute of everyday and my body physically hurt from grief. I didnt want to go on. I decided to get sober and treated for depression I listen to my Dr and got a psychiatrist. I spent a week in the hospital for depression and 3 weeks outpatient and now go weekly to a councelor. I am a nurse I thought I knew how to care for myself. I put my life in the hand of my drs and listened to them. I decided to take it one day at a time or some days one minute at a time. It is now 9 months since I lost my son. I am sober from alcohol, and actually I have moments of happiness on some days. I have only certain friends in my life that love me unconditionally the rest I dont bother with. You need medical intervention right now. I cant imagine putting my family through another loss. I never thought i would say this but it does get better very slowly. My heart will forever be broken but I know there will be happy times ahead for me. It doesnt feel like it to you right now I am sure. 6 months was brutal. I thank God I decided to live because now my 4 other children still have there mom! Take it one minute at a time and you will be in my prayers

Jul 12, 2011
6 months
by: jules

Gregg - please listen to the words of wisdom on this site - we are here for you - we care - we will listen - but mostly, please get help - ring Lifeline or an organisation like that, who have trained people who will listen with compassion, and help you cope.

Think of who and what you are leaving behind if you take those pills - think of people you loved, and how they would want you to be - no-one wants a loved one to be desperate and bereft. It is hard, I know, to overcome these feelings of loss and grief, but taking your own life is not the answer - I am a spiritual person and my belief is that if you take your own life, you have to come back again, so you can get it right - it is not the answer - please believe me.

Keep coming to this site, take comfort and solace from the caring people here - this is a place where you can open your heart and not be judged, you will only get compassion and understanding here.
Adopt our mantra - every day, one step, one breath - take care

Jul 11, 2011
6 months for me too
by: Anonymous

I too have been in the same place you are.

My husband and I did not have children but we had always had at least one dog throughout the past 20+ years. Three weeks prior to my husband's death, the last of our dogs died from bone cancer at the age of 12. One week before my husband passed away he asked me if I was going to get him a new dog for Christmas and I told him no way that I wanted to take time off from the responsibility of a dog. Well, my husband died right before Christmas and my overwhelming grief began.

Like you, all I wanted is to NOT wake up in the morning, but to be reunited with my sweetheart.
The thing that kept me from taking that step early on was that I wanted to make sure all my finances, beneficiaries, Will, life insurance and bank accounts were all up to date. Since my sister is now my next of kin I did not want her to be stuck cleaning up a bunch of paperwork. While I was getting that done, I also ordered a headstone for my husband's grave and included my own name on it. Since I had put a lot of thought and expense into its design I figured I would hold off on doing anything rash until I got a chance to see the headstone in place.

The headstone was in place for Memorial Day and the same week I was asked by a close friend if I would take in their two dogs and give them a home. The friend and her family were going through a difficult time financially, had to move from their home and could not take the dogs with them. They said I was the first person they thought of because they knew how much love and attention I could & would give their beloved pets. I truly believe that my husband played a role in these dogs coming into my life. They have been Heaven sent to me to give me a reason to get up in the morning.

You mentioned in your post what to do with your dog and your possessions? Stay around for your dog who I am sure has LOVED YOU unconditionally over the years. Stay around for your family so that they do not have to suffer the pain of losing you.

The Lord will reunite us with our loved ones, but let Him choose the time frame.

Prayers & HUGS to you.

Jul 11, 2011
Please dont
by: Debbie...Jeremys mom

I have been where you are several times!!! My son passed away from suicide last year, Moms grieve forever! My pain is with you now! It will get better!!!! I know it cant come quick enough ,but it will get better!! People in your life love you!!! And they would suffer forever! Please, Please get help,I wished my son Jeremy had!

Jul 11, 2011
6 months
by: Zoe

I have been where you are. I know what you feel. I have had the pills in my hand with a drink to wash them down. I have stood on that hill and looked down, not wanting to be without him, not knowing how to go on alone. I know that hell that you live in. What to do with what I have left.. the fact is you have things left, and people left. Your loved one did not leave you willingly. What you feel is what you will inflict on those you left behind. Can you do that to them? Would your beloved want that for you?
I was always afraid that if I took my own life there would be some punishment and I would not be with my John, and I could not risk that.
I am 15 months past, and I still cry and I still wish I would not wake up in the morning and I am sad when I do.
There are those around you that you would cause the pain you are feeling ...
grab onto the covers, cry as you have to, scream if you must.
but remember you do not face the next day or the next second
just one breath, one step. then one day at a time...
keep writing we are here with you

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