6 years later ... I am now grieving

by sharon
(halifax england)

I got married in 2006 and we tried immediately for a baby it took a while but I conceived Jan 2008 my husband was over the moon crying with pleasure and spent hours on the phone telling everyone then after about 3 months he grew distant then when I was 17 weeks pregnant he left ( surprise surprise for another woman ) he stopped paying the mortgage ...so at that time I had a husband, healthy baby on the way , job I adored , good group of friends healthy bank balance until he blew my world apart . I lost my husband, house and by pure bad luck my job ( I did have a beautiful baby boy though )....tonight I believe I have just started to grieve I've got on and ignored it and now I think I need to deal with it and the raw emotion that goes with it

Comments for 6 years later ... I am now grieving

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Jul 07, 2014
by: sharon

Oh Doreen I am so sorry to hear that !! So sad to lose someone so special but you have fantastic memories ( I imagine ) and at least you have the support from your children and as I hear grandkids keep you going !!! So I hope you are well and enjoying life ...Thank you for taking time to comment I will be looking at the counselling again thanks x

Jul 05, 2014
Life looking better. So Happy for You!
by: Doreen UK

Sharon I am so delighted to hear a positive outlook for your life. You deserve this. I am also glad that you are encouraging and your son will grow up to honour the men in his life due to you being mature and having Integrity. I am so happy you also have a partner in your life. We weren't meant to live in isolation and life can be lonely when you are on your own.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. ago. His cancer was terminal from working with asbestos and his cancer took 40yrs. to develop. I nevertheless lived a good life and have 3 grown up adult children. I also have 2 darling grandchildren that sadly my husband won't get to enjoy.
I did the counselling bit in my 40's. Never too late to try to resolve our losses and unresolved conflicts. This was the best investment I made in my life. My counselling was very expensive and worth every pound for how I feel now. I then went on to give 8yrs in voluntary work in admin and client support in this counselling centre, and learnt a lot and developed skills I can use now. I am retired and making the most of it. I have a strong belief in God and know I will see my husband again so I just TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. It helps.
Just make the best of each day. I wish you every success in your life, work, and motherhood and may you be blessed with eternal happiness in family life and with your friendships. Best wishes. Doreen

Jul 04, 2014
Thanks doreen !!!
by: sharon

Thank you for your kind words ..... I am now in a job I really enjoy and have fantastic friends and family ..an amazing support network ...I live in a beautiful rented house but feel it's not my own ...All is great but I just don't feel like i belong it's strange really.
My son's dad moved away (once his relationship with the woman he left me for broke down and the courts ordered him to pay for the divorce (karma) he didn't see him till he was 1 yr then he's seen him twice since he hasn't seen him since he was 18 months old...but my partner taken him as his own and as much as I have always brought him up to know where he came from he now classes my new partner (of 3 yrs) as his dad .....also I do not bad mouth his biological dad and It won't affect my son as I don't ever let it affect him ...in our area there are some fab free counselling services free of charge and luckily I know some through the line of work I do ...I may look into that soon .Thanks again x

Jun 30, 2014
6 years later... I am now grieving.
by: Doreen UK

Sharon this is so very unfair to have the carpet pulled from under you. How could your husband do this to you? What goes around comes around and I hope you find out that justice is served because no wife deserves to have this happen to her. There seemed to be no reason for you to suspect that he had someone else in his life. As a young married couple. He should have been honest with you. One of the first signs of a man pulling away is him being distant. I hope that you have supportive family to help you work through your loss's. To lose everything causes your world to crumble, and not be able to process fully what has happened. By that time you would have had your baby and busy rearing him and now only able to deal with your grief. It may feel more painful because you repressed this. You could go and see a bereavement counsellor for support. You have to grieve the loss of a marriage, house, and job. So where are you now in your life? e.g. Job, home, and family. What support are you getting from people around you? Your first point of grief will be crying. Don't stop this when the tears come. Honour how you feel and you will pass through the grief easier. Children have a wonderful way of allowing a mother to feel loved, just by a smile or some antic that will fill you with joy. You didn't lose everything. What is the situation between your EX and his child? is he in his life? is he supportive towards his child? These are the problems that will affect your grief and how long you will be in this hard place of struggle. It is so very hard when you have been secure in your life and then to have your world blown apart like this. Grief does catch up with all of us at some time in our life.
Because life is like this today. Very difficult. We just don't have a handle on how to grieve and it is such a tough learning curve. When the dust settles it is only then that feeling low starts the whole process of grief. Just get the support you need otherwise it will affect your child. Children have a way of picking up on their mother's emotions. Your husband should have been open and up front so that you would not have to take the heat of the whole problem shattering your world. This was very cruel. You will get through this and become a stronger person. I think life is easier in your part of the U.K. Living in the London area our resources are low and we don't get the support we need. House prices are better up your end. Please write back with an update, and for further support.

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