7 people in 2 months

by Tony
(Denver, CO)

In late September my two best friends from childhood died from alcoholism, they were 30. I received the news of one on Monday and the next on Wednesday.

That Friday I got a call that my cousin had died from an overdose, she was 20. The next week I attended 3 funerals.

Three weeks later on October 20th my grandfather died, he was 82.

After his funeral I got an email that a good friend from Santa Fe had died on Nov 1st, he was 73. I was unable to attend his funeral due to my own illness at the time.

Two weeks later my grandmother died on November 17th, she was 79.

Two days ago I got a call that my best friend of 16 years had died possibly weeks ago - found in his apartment, he was 30.

Someone quipped recently that I'm the "Angel of Death". I might laugh if it didn't feel so true. I have horrifying dreams every night. Most nights I cannot sleep unless I'm totally exhausted or have something to drink beforehand. I feel like there is a constant pressure on my body - a weight that cannot be lifted or moved. Even on a beautiful day surrounded by my closest loved ones I feel a thousand miles away.

I drove 1300 miles to visit my sister after my grandmother died, hoping to put all of this death behind me. Literally the moment I arrived and walked onto the beach I got a call that my best friend was dead. However illogical, it seems like something is following me. That somehow I'm the center point to a horrific nightmare. Despite all of these deaths being completely isolated from one another, I've never known anyone to lose so many people so close together.

Each new death eclipses the last, there is no real time for mourning or acceptance before another death is upon me. Losing my best friend now feels like starting the grieving process for everyone all over again. And I feel so alone. I have wonderful people around me (who have also endured severely in these losses) but no one who I think understands the unique circumstance with which I am wrought.

This message is hardly more than an attempt to gather my own thoughts about this time.

Comments for 7 people in 2 months

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Apr 26, 2011
with dignity you will rise again
by: pumpkin

Hi Tony its great to hear of the multiple loss people, we are a breed a bit removed from the normal course. I lost 10 close ones in 10 years so I know how it feels to have little time to process one death before the next arrives.the pattern of bereavement is intensified. I had little of me left, i felt devoured. Now I have some distance from it and I see it was complicated grief which probably became traumatic grief. I found counsellors at that time had little comprehension of my reality and I struggled on myself. I had no family around and socially isolated but working through it best I could. Now I read the theory which is enormously helpful. I went to Uni one year after my mothers death and did a retrospective case study on myself and family. i find i cant relate much to my family's one deaths not that I notch my belt with each death, but the reality is very different. How Im still realising and writing about.
I hope you were able to honour your rapid initiation into death such a powerfully intense journey for you, for some great purpose no doubt.

Apr 22, 2011
Too many losses
by: Anonymous

Tony,
I am so sorry for all of the losses you have suffered in a short period of time.
I do know how you feel since it seems that anytime I have experienced the death of a loved one in my life it is multiplied.
Two uncles- my fathers oldest and youngest brothers died exactly 1 week apart.
My 38 year old cousin and my own 68 year old mother died 3 months apart.
Three years later, I lost my own dad, my father in-law and my mother-in law within 6 weeks.
When my brother died of cancer at age 53, my 51 year old sister died suddenly 6 months later from a heart attack.

It is a difficult road to travel when you lose so many people so quickly in your life. I know it hurts like hell now but you will come out of this a stronger person & with a new appreciation for life. Live each day to the fullest.
Hang in there, better days are coming.

Dec 26, 2010
For You
by: Sue

Oh, how my heart goes out to you Tony... I have written my page on my too many losses in a time, but you certainly have been through the wringer!!! I do believe in this site for people like us to connect--(unfortunately) there are far too many of us wandering around, lost in this manner. I find it fearful to reach out or be close to anyone again, as I may lose them: or worse yet cause them harm....It's a lonely world that "survivors" exist in, and only we who live there know it. I am SO SO sorry for YOUR pain, I totally get it, take (some) comfort in the understanding of us who know the same. I do. xo

Dec 04, 2010
Losing So Much
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for all your losses. When we lose one loved one, that's a lot to carry. But seven, is a terrible thing. Please let me extend my sympathy and prayers to you. You're in my thoughts today. Be blessed and comforted.

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