by CW

I had spent the last couple days with my grandmother who was on life support, yet when they took her off of the machine she started breathing on her own. The following day they had to put her back on & then on February 6, 2012 I was at work & received a phone call at 10:06am telling me my grandmother had just passed. I was BEYOND HEART-BROKEN. She died 1 month before my father was scheduled to come home from prison that we both hadn't seen in 10 years. Yet something wasn't right because my father couldn't come to the funeral, we never knew why until the following day. My step mom told us our father was dying from cancer & they wouldn't let him come home. March 8, 2012 I turned 25 that same day I along with the rest of younger siblings were told he wasn't expected to make it through the night the very next morning he died & his last words were "Today is my baby's birthday she's going to be 25!". I never grieved enough for my grandma & here my father was dead too. The next month my uncle died from cirrhosis of the liver on the 18th & 1 of my best friends died on the 19th from congestive heart failure. I didn't think I was going to survive another day with all of these deaths. Things got even worse in May 1 of my closest cousins who was 8 months pregnant discovered her baby no longer had a heartbeat & she delivered a still born. Then things started looking better June came no deaths I was feeling a little better we got almost to the end of July & it happened. One of my younger brothers was almost killed he was shot in the face by 1 of my close friends at least I thought he was & the bullets shattered every bone in his face, but he survived THANK GOD!! Then it happened 1 of my younger cousins was killed at 18 shot in the head 2 times. I couldn't breathe I was so shocked that I was actually speechless! August comes yet another one hits another uncle of mine died he had cancer as well & we never knew it until he ended up in the hospital on life support & he didn't make it. Finally September comes & everything was like a blur 1 of my cousins commits suicide at 20 years old. No note no reasoning that we know of nothing. At this point I find myself crying myself to sleep at night, not wanting to wake up & face reality and alllllllways wishing I could turn back time & erase this nightmare. I don’t think anyone could possibly understand how much hurt, anger, & depression I have inside of me but the people in my family. I would like to think it gets better but it doesn't it gets worse as time goes on. Thanks for reading my story & I just want everyone to know to tell everyone you know you love them because you never know when your time or their time will come.


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Jan 11, 2013
by: Anonymous

Hey there. I hope u are doing better by now. I can't say I know what you're going through, but I've been dealing with some losses myself. Something that has helped me is the serenity prayer. It is a prayer u say when u can't understand why such sorrow exists in your world. For me it helps me to feel some peace, while knowing that I have to do what I can to enjoy what I do have in my life. Do not fear death. Be afraid of not living your life. Sending my love and prayers that you are doing better since this post.

Serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference

Oct 23, 2012
8 losses in 7 months..... beyond depressed
by: Doreen U.K.

CW I am sorry for all your losses in your life in such a short time. You would greatly benefit from seeing a grief counsellor. This is way too much grief to handle all by yourself. As many of your family should also process this support. I lost my husband 5 months ago to cancer and I am having difficulty coping with one loss. More losses I wouldn't be able to get off the couch or out of bed. My grief just takes away all my energy. Counsellors work at a deep level and this may trigger off other emotions and feelings that you are experiencing now but cannot identify with. But once out of your system you start feeling better. You need to grieve each loss so that you can move forward better. It is worth all the hard work you have to put in. You will get your life back. Grief is so PAINFULL. I can't BEAR IT.
You will with good support come out of this dark tunnel of depression and reclaim your life back and be able to support others. You will find more healing from helping others through their grief. This is only when you are in a place of HEALING from your LOSSES.

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