8 Months ..

by Lourdes
(Phoenix, AZ)

I ask myself how can I still be alive when I hurt so bad.

I miss my husband so much, hes been gone now for 8 months.

8 long hurtful months.

He was killed in January and life seems so pointless now.

How can someone as great as him not exsisit? How can somoene as amazing as him be gone??

So many questions but no answers.

I need him,
I want him,


Why is pain the only truth in the world.
Pain doesnt lie.. pain is always alive and real/

I love you C G S and I miss you,
I hope someday I see you again my love.

I MISS YOU dont forget that I will always need you and love you. You ARE SO MISSED.

Comments for 8 Months ..

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Sep 23, 2012
8 Months.
by: Doreen U.K.

Hatch I also am not coping with each new day after losing my Steve to cancer almost 5 months ago. We were married 44yrs. Steve was officially retired and he worked 47yrs. for this and then he dies of Cancer. How fair is this in the order of the Universe. I hate every day as it is the same. I do what I can and then leave the rest till I am able to cope with it. Winter is coming. So is Christmas, and New Year. What does it mean now for us as early widows/widowers? How do we go on each day with such horrible pain? Like you say you want to get a job and move on. We can't move on till we are ready and none of us knows when this will be. My sister says that it gets better in time. I spoke to her this morning on Skype from Australia. I said to her if I am able to take the time to grieve properly now by working through grief books then YES it will get better in time. Many people say they feel worse over time. I am dreading this. I don't want to feel worse. I am going to work with grief books. I want this grief to be over soon, but not sooner than it has to be. I know I have to feel this. I can't avoid it. I heard a preacher this morning say. Jesus was a MAN OF SORROWS ACQUAINTED WITH GRIEF. The preacher said. Grief is good. Death is good because after death it is HEAVEN. It is getting through the rest of our lives without our husbands that is hard. The preacher said it is all about FOCUS. Don't focus on what has happened to you. Focus on HEAVEN and where you are going. Yet another will say. Don't be so heavenly minded that you are of no earthly good. So we have to strike a balance.
You can try and do voluntary work which is slower paced till you are able to hold down a job where grief won't affect you taking days off. You can help out at the Salvation Army sorting clothes out or something that is going to get you involved again. Do it when you are ready. I know I am not ready for anything yet. But I will do this also. Years ago. I did voluntary work in Mental Health for 8 yrs. Best job ever. You can also watch the God Channel on TV. There is always something to encourage you and pick up your spirits. I do this in between grieving. It just takes the edge off the pain. I hope this helps you.

Sep 23, 2012
Missing my wife
by: Doreen U.K.

Brandon I am sorry for your loss of your very young wife to cancer.
I lost my husband almost 5 months ago from an incurable, inoperable, aggressive cancer. I nursed him for over 3yrs. but had to watch him die slowly. I had to look into his sad painfull face every day with him knowing he was going to die but not knowing when. I lived in HOPE of a miracle which let me down badly.
DON'T LIVE WITH BLAME!!! that you let your wife down and didn't take better care of her. We are not super human. We will fail often. I was married for 44yrs. It hurts more than I can say.
Brandon because Men work all their lives and are the primary breadwinner their job is of such significance to the family wives know that they will move often where a mans work is. Your wife just took some time with the adjustment and difficulty doing this. Most people have quarrells in marriage and a lot has to do with the natural maturity of the relationship and the many changes that comes with living together and adjusting.
My husband worked all over the world. I had to bring up 3 children on my own. I cried a lot and upset. but I got on with it. We moved from England to Canada. I couldn't adjust. I hated it. We came back to England within one year. My husband and I had to move to a new town in England in order for Steve to have a job but we couldn't get a mortgage for a while so my husband travelled out and came home weekends. The move to Canada stuffed up our living and so life became difficult. I understood my husband was doing his best and I didn't fight him. I just cried a lot and suffered depression. After some 6 years of Steve travelling back weekends we eventually found a house and were together again as a family. Steve didn't get to retire and enjoy some quality life. THIS HURTS ME.
In life there has to be COMPROMISE. Upsets and quarrells come from losing a job. Having to work elsewhere. A wife having to make the sacrifice in her job. the family unit being broken due to a mans job and him having to work away. So much in life to fracture a family. This is life. Don't punish yourself for how you had to live your life and the changes you had to make. YOu did it for the best reasons. Your wife would have eventually understood this. It all boils down to having the right (MATURE) attitude. A lot of the quarrels one has today is due to this lack of maturity. Don't cut yourself off from your wife's family. Don't feel GUILTY that you caused your wife's unhappiness, illness, and death. Hold your head up. Walk Tall. You did your best. That is all anyone can do. WE will all make mistakes in life. We all live with REGRETS. We all have to FORGIVE each other for our shortcomings. I hope life treats you well and your life comes back together. I wish you Peace and comfort in your pain.

Sep 22, 2012
Missing my wife
by: Brandon

I lost my wife a little over a year ago... Sept 16th 2011 to colon cancer. She was 34 years old. We had been best friends for 15 years, since college. She was the most beautiful person I have ever known. If you knew her, you loved her... It was impossible not too. I blame myself for not taking care of her... Not making her go to the doctor when we knew something was wrong in 2008. Talking her into leaving her job and health insurance behind to move from Texas to California so I could be close to my business... Which led to her becoming depressed and misunderstanding what was happening with her health. I can't get past the overwhelming pain. I can't imagine living without her. I can't get past all the stupid little fights we got into during our relationship. I can't talk to her family because I'm so ashamed that I didn't take care of her. It should've been me, not her.

Sep 22, 2012
8 months
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I too have lost my husband of 31 years. it has been 4 months since his death. I was only 17 years old when we met and I do not know who I am without him. My heart is so heavy and my soul is crushed. I miss him and do not want to go on. I found many things out about him after his death. I want to talk to him. I do...I talk to him everyday. I do not know if he hears. I only hope to see him again one day. We have grandchildren we were raising and now I am alone to raise them by myself. they too miss him. I feel like I am not there for them as much as they need me to be. I hope I will get better. But do not ever want to be ok with his loss. I love him. he was my world. No it is over for me. I want him back in my arms.

Sep 21, 2012
by: lourdes, steffy

I don't know if any of us will ever stop hurting. Maybe someday we will get so tired of crying screaming wishing wanting things to change that we will just go numb completely numb.. I feel like I get numb every so often especially after a long day of crying and pushing out my emotions. Writing is my only outlet without it I'd go insane.
-steffy lourdes shobe

Sep 21, 2012
I'm so sorry
by: lourdes

My heart brakes for all of you as well..
I can't imagine losing someone after so many yearsdtogether. Cody and I were together all through high school then an additonal 2 years before I lost him. We had married in 2011 and were expecting our first child. Cody never got to meet his son... The pain is greater then all my other emotions it takes over everything. Loving cody hurts so bad I wish I could hate him so the pain would stop but it doesn't work that way. Pain is real and it keeps coming in heavy doses.

Sep 21, 2012
It's been 8 months too. Your feelings are mine
by: Anonymous

Hatch I am sorry for your loss of your husband of 41yrs. You are in a very desperate place of grief right now. It is a very painfull and a hard place to be. I couldn't talk to my sister-in-law today because I was so very upset at losing Steve her brother. My pain is different. No one knows the pain of losing a husband like one who has lost a husband. No other death can be compared. My sister called and I cried. She said I don't know what to say. I said there is nothing you can say. I feel this is like hell. I felt most of the day I was going to have a heart attack. I may still have one. I won't go to the hospital. What is the point of it all.
You echo every way I feel. My husband was Steve. We were married 44yrs. He died of cancer. I nursed him through over 3 yrs. he died slowly. How cruel to watch someone die slowly in pain. my pain is overflowing today. It feels like being locked in a box and screaming to get out. How could this loss hurt so much? When will it stop? I feel the same way you do. You are not ALONE even though you are alone. separated because I live accross the pond in the U.K. Even one day at a time is like an eternity. I have 3 Adult children all carrying on with their lives. They lost their father. They are coping. I am not. Winter is coming. The nights are drawing in. Getting darker earlier. this makes me feel worse. I hate the nights of darkness. I hope that you feel at Peace in the days ahead and know that I am feeling the same way as you do.

Sep 21, 2012
It's been8 months too. Your feelings are mine.
by: Hatch from Las Vegas

My husband of 41 years died New Years Day. He was at a breakfast take out. Felt funny in his chest and called me. I reached him took him home and called the paramedics and they said he was fine but he said he wasn't and wanted to go to the hospital. The parametics asked if I wanted to take him and he said no the ambulance. After reaching the hospital it was 2 hours and he was gone. I didn't get to say good bye or how very much I loved him. I wanted to die over and over again. It's still like it happened yesterday. I cry and cry. It's been eight months and I still cry several times a day for eight months. I hurt so much and I don't know what to do. I am scared, what do I do. When do I feel a tad okay. I truely need him and love him with every fiber in my body. I can't go anywhere because my eyes are so swollen and I've aged 10 years. I am on medications but all I think about is Steven. I want to move on, try to get a job or just care about something. I feel like a waste and I want the hurt to away. I just want Steven back. How could love hurt and be so painful? What do you do when you will never be the same person ever? You don't even know yourdelf anymore. I hate everyday, How is New Years Day be anythig but sadness and more tears. When the phone rings around 1pm for a nano sec I think its him.
What, if anything,can help? My 4 sons, all with families of their own, hurt so much and are having a real hard time and my comfort to them is just tears and saying "Iknow, I know it hurts"

Sep 21, 2012

I know how you are hurting. I am hurting the same way and it is painful in many ways. I pray that your pain goes away soon and not like mine. My wife died almost 3 years ago and my pain is unbearable. I been by myself almost 3 years as my children live far away. My daughters had me come to visit them. They live in Florida and I live in New York. I stays for 4 week and then returned and my grief and depression is much worse then it was before I left for my trip there. I am a veteran and it seems that people who spoke to me before my wife died do not even look at me or speak. I pray that your pain gets much milder and that you do not have it for the long time that I have. Have a good weekend.

Sep 21, 2012
8 Months....
by: Doreen U.K.

Lourdes I am sorry for your loss of your husband 8 months ago.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. 4 1/2 months ago to cancer. PAIN in grief is the same for all of us. It HURTS so much. This type of PAIN is what we can't understand. Why does this loss have to hurt so much. A Pain that overflows and leaves us oozing with Pain for days and weeks, and months, even years for some people. We do feel that we can't go on in life. We now have to cope with LONLINESS. EMPTINESS. SORROW ongoing. PAIN exploding in us. We have to rebuild our lives when we don't feel we have the desire or the strength to do this. We are in essence all ALONE. We have to make DECISIONS all by ourselves. This can be very difficult, as I am finding this right now. I hate Saturdays because Steve died on a Saturday. I hate Sundays because Steve died late Saturday night 9.54p.m. and we all sat around and dealt with family all paying their respects and this took us into the early hours of Sunday morning and I can remember the atmosphere of that time. Then I hate Fridays because this was the day of the Funeral. So this is my weekend I hate. I don't know when I will recover from losing this part of my week. The SILENCE is horrible. I feel as if I have fallen into another time zone, another world. Everyone around me reacts differently, behaves differently. It is all these changes I don't like very much at all. Our normal world as we knew it HAS GONE FOREVER. I can't get the atmosphere back. My brother-in-laws are lost with no male to laugh and talk with. My only comfort is to watch back to back episodes of THE WALTONS. & LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE. Because it stands for all I have LOST. Everything seems so pointless. Our Pain is always before us. It feels as if it will destroy us. WE have to endure the pain and experience it full on before we can move forward into healing. It is a very SLOW process. I hope you have loving supportive family and friends to help you through this. It does make a difference. I love my sister's to bits. They are so Loving and supportive, as are their husbands. Don't know what I would have done without them or this support. Steve's death has brought us all CLOSER. But driven others apart. I hope that you are Comforted in your PAIN and this will get less in the days ahead so that it is bearable till you HEAL from your LOSS.

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