8 Months of Heartbreak And Accomplishments

by Judith in California

It's been 8 months today since the love of my life went to heaven. I have lit a candle and held his small urn close to my heart and cried still loving him with all my aching heart.

I have gone through a lot like the rest of you. I've busied myself refreshing paint on the walls scarred from wheelchair marks. I handled the dispersing of items to his children that were in our trust. Tolerated his oldest daughter's ugliness from getting a lawyer to go on a so called money search of which there was none. I handled all the end of life and burial decisions and the memorial burial at sea and even wrote u the brochure for it for his children. I ordered crematory necklaces for his daughters and filled them with some of his ashes , sealed them up and mailed them to each one.Saw to it I had all of my medical tests done before the end of 2010. I've had to pack up the 3 cats and me and move out for 3 days while the house was tented for termites. I listened while my son had his temper tantrums and his unwillingness to let things go that he didn't like about his stepfather of 35 1/2 years. I've planted new flowers, put in a small walkway I have wanted to do for 11 years. I've gotten up each day and gone through the motions of life taking care of the place as I did before, shopping, going out for a bite to eat once in a while.

Down the road I'll have to have surgery for a bladder prolapse without him by my side or to care for me.

Some of these days are pleasant enough and some are a trial to get through. But each day is not without having the underlying heartbreak from my loss. Each night I still put my hand out to rub his shoulder and tell him he's loved. Then I say my prayers and give thanks for my day and all the blessings He gives me. Even though I'm heartbroken I don't feel cheated because my husband suffered enough loss of his physical abilities. God knew it was becoming more difficult for him and me. He spared me from having to put him in a home which would have broken my heart too. It's always Gods will be done. It's never our will.

So when you feel you aren't strong...look at the things you do even though your is heart is breaking.

Please take care of yourselves.

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