8 Weeks and Holding
Eight weeks for me. This is a picture of my wonderful husband Joe. It was taken 21 years ago at our best friend's wedding. Suzanne was my best friend, Gene was his best friend. Gene did the eulogy for Joe. When my husband was 27 years old (about 3 years before I met him) he was in a horrific car accident. He was actually pronounced dead in the ER. A young rambunctious resident started doing advanced CPR on him and brought him back. He was told he would never walk again. He proved them wrong.
He was always such a fighter. That's why I'm still literally in a state of shock that the doctors weren't able to bring him back. He had so many close calls the past year. They started calling him the man with 9 lives at the University of Chicago. When I called my son and daughter and told them things weren't looking so good~they both said the same thing. "Dad always makes it. He's going to be fine." Not his time.
There will never be anyone to replace my handsome, funny, kind, generous to a fault, hardworking, honest husband. He was a great father. We had the hardest time getting both of our children to leave home (fly away little birds) because they had such an awesome home life. I'm still young by widow standards. I have to spend the rest of my life without this wonderful man? I can't do it.
I actually had a good friend of his call me and ask me to dinner. He's only been gone for two months. My kids both said, "Go mom. Bill is a lot of fun." I think Bill has more than dinner on his mind. I wanted to throw up into the phone and say, "Are you insane?"
I went to Walgreens today to pick up a prescription. I started looking for Valentine cards for my three young grandsons. The HUSBAND section stared me right in the face. I had to leave. I can't do this. I'm pissed off at the world right now. So many of my friends remain in unhappy marriages. I know many of my friends were jealous of what we had. Now here I sit ~ all alone ~ not just alone but lonely.
This will get better? I just don't know right now. I will try to take it ~ one breath ~ one step at a time.