8 Weeks and Holding

by TrishJ

Eight weeks for me. This is a picture of my wonderful husband Joe. It was taken 21 years ago at our best friend's wedding. Suzanne was my best friend, Gene was his best friend. Gene did the eulogy for Joe. When my husband was 27 years old (about 3 years before I met him) he was in a horrific car accident. He was actually pronounced dead in the ER. A young rambunctious resident started doing advanced CPR on him and brought him back. He was told he would never walk again. He proved them wrong.

He was always such a fighter. That's why I'm still literally in a state of shock that the doctors weren't able to bring him back. He had so many close calls the past year. They started calling him the man with 9 lives at the University of Chicago. When I called my son and daughter and told them things weren't looking so good~they both said the same thing. "Dad always makes it. He's going to be fine." Not his time.

There will never be anyone to replace my handsome, funny, kind, generous to a fault, hardworking, honest husband. He was a great father. We had the hardest time getting both of our children to leave home (fly away little birds) because they had such an awesome home life. I'm still young by widow standards. I have to spend the rest of my life without this wonderful man? I can't do it.

I actually had a good friend of his call me and ask me to dinner. He's only been gone for two months. My kids both said, "Go mom. Bill is a lot of fun." I think Bill has more than dinner on his mind. I wanted to throw up into the phone and say, "Are you insane?"

I went to Walgreens today to pick up a prescription. I started looking for Valentine cards for my three young grandsons. The HUSBAND section stared me right in the face. I had to leave. I can't do this. I'm pissed off at the world right now. So many of my friends remain in unhappy marriages. I know many of my friends were jealous of what we had. Now here I sit ~ all alone ~ not just alone but lonely.

This will get better? I just don't know right now. I will try to take it ~ one breath ~ one step at a time.

Comments for 8 Weeks and Holding

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Jan 28, 2011
10 Weeks for me...
by: Cindy

I know exactly what you mean when there are so many unhappy marriages. My husband and I had the most wonderful marriage. We would have been married 35 years on Feb. 7th. It just breaks my heart to know he won't be here this year. I just don't understand why God had to take him away from me. We loved each other so very much. We didn't know he had heart problems. He had just went and had a physical and everything was fine. He went to work one Monday morning and passed out. They took him to the ER and did an EKG and nothing showed up. They wanted to keep him over night. They transported him to the heart hospital and did quadruple bypass with one artery 100% blocked and 3, 95%. Now how did a physical not show that?!! I had him home from the hospital for two weeks.. was doing great and just sit down and said he was dizzy and just feel back. I lost my best friend, lover and soul mate. I am so lost in this world without him and I feel the same way you do... how can I go on?! It is not even worth it. I am so stressed... have no income and all these bills! They won't matter if I still had him. He was a wonderful dad too and he blessed me with a son & daughter. Why does this have to happen?

Jan 27, 2011
8 weeks and holding
by: jules

Trish - you are coping well - but don't be pushed into anything - you are not at all ready to start seeing someone else, I don't think. You are at a vulnerable stage in your grieving, and you will go through lots of difficult times yet.

Take your time, do what you need to do to get through your days, and nights, sure, be friends with these guys who are asking you out for dinner, but don't, please, make the mistake of thinking that you can replace your love easily.

Take one step, one breath every morning, and go on with your day.

take care

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