9 Months and I'm still in denial..


Hello. I'm 16 years old, and I lost my grandpa in October of last year. My grandpa was the father figure in my life, and I lived with him and my grandma the majority of my life. He went into sudden cardiac arrest, and on that day I was visiting my boyfriend, I got the news that he wasn't breathing and I went to the hospital quickly. When I first got there my mother looked me in the eyes and said, "You should've been there!" And since I've felt a lot of guilt. I feel like I'm still in the denial stage of grief and to me it seems like everyone's getting back to normal except me. My mother tells me not to cry or talk about him, so I'm left with these thoughts on my own. A lot of things have happened since he passed and I feel like it's not fair that he doesn't get to be there for everything that's happening. He passed and didn't have a single great grandchild, and now he would've had 3 if he had lived. I'm so confused, and angry. I am a religious person and even felt angry with God at one point. I don't know what to do. I can't talk about him with my mom spin turned to this.

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Jul 05, 2014
9 Months and I'm still in denial....
by: Doreen UK

You are so young at 16yrs. to think any different. Denial happens to a lot of us. I feel it is God's way of giving us shock absorbers to enable us to cope with our grief. You are old enough to see a grief counsellor for support that you are not getting from your mother. Your mother is wrong to tell you to stop crying and to not talk about your grandfather who was your nurturer and an important person in your life. I daresay your mother has issues with her parents since she does not want you to talk about your grandfather. (I take it this is her father?) When your mother said "you should have been there." It was more for her benefit and support as she probably did not want to handle the situation. You should not be left holding your mother's guilt. I ended up having to go into counselling because I was surrounded by people who were so good at leaving me holding their guilt and responsibility. It can damage you, so you need to process what is going on and don't let anyone dump their guilt or responsibility on to you. I think you should honour your grandfather the way you want to and need to. He was an important person in your life. Your mother may not have realised that, You are an adult now. You can make your own decisions and Choices. What you need is encouragement, and support.
Denial is just another way of saying. "I don't want to believe He has gone from my world, and How do I cope with this." This is where a good counsellor can help you work through your feelings and grief. You are so young and will probably lose more people in time so best to do it for yourself now. You will come through this loss. The pain is so unbearable and we often don't want to face this pain so Denial takes over. But to not deal with your grief and loss by repressing this is WORSE and you will suffer more later on in life and will need a counsellor to help you recover your repressed memories.
You will recover in time from your grief.

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