9 Months and I'm still in denial..
Hello. I'm 16 years old, and I lost my grandpa in October of last year. My grandpa was the father figure in my life, and I lived with him and my grandma the majority of my life. He went into sudden cardiac arrest, and on that day I was visiting my boyfriend, I got the news that he wasn't breathing and I went to the hospital quickly. When I first got there my mother looked me in the eyes and said, "You should've been there!" And since I've felt a lot of guilt. I feel like I'm still in the denial stage of grief and to me it seems like everyone's getting back to normal except me. My mother tells me not to cry or talk about him, so I'm left with these thoughts on my own. A lot of things have happened since he passed and I feel like it's not fair that he doesn't get to be there for everything that's happening. He passed and didn't have a single great grandchild, and now he would've had 3 if he had lived. I'm so confused, and angry. I am a religious person and even felt angry with God at one point. I don't know what to do. I can't talk about him with my mom spin turned to this.