9 months on and the tears are falling even more
I"m sorry if I go on a bit, but its been 9 months since my brave mum lost her battle with cancer after 15 months of radiotherapy then chemotherapy for a cervical tumour which the doctors said they could hopefully cure or control. sadly they were wrong, as they couldn"t do either as the cells spread throughout her body. I watched helplessly as she struggled to walk and get her breath,and not once did she moan or feel sorry for herself. Ok a lot of people say well she was 77 years old and was lucky to reach that age, and I agree from the posts I have read some mums have been so much younger than my mum so I could say that I was lucky to have her around much longer, but she was still my mum and I loved and still love her and miss her more than words can say. She used to come to work with me as I am a delivery driver and it was great having her company for a few hours a day as she was like a breath of fresh air to have around. I am not the same person as i was when she was alive, it feels like there is nothing left to carry on for and sometimes i long to be with her. All I do is cry every day even when working and i just cannot control it. I see the pain and sadness in her face the few days before she died in the hospital, and still hear her saying to me that she couldnt go on like it for much longer and that she would have to give in sometime, and all i could do was try to be strong for her. It still feels like yesterday that i last saw her but can"t believe its been 9 months. I keep asking her to let me know in some way that she is ok and that she is happy and that she is with my dad who passed away 26 years ago. I so need to know this so i can try and carry on as best i can tho I will always miss her for the rest of my life but at least I would know that she is in a better place and that they are together again.