a bad year...
(Hood River Oregon)
My mom suffered a brain injury that left her unable to move from the neck down and severe brain damage. Everyday I couldn't help wondering if today would be the day she would die from complications. Initially the doctor said she would likely never wake up from surgery. She was in a coma for a month. After she came out of her coma she was moved into a foster care facility for the last 17 months of her life.
Then they said she would likely never speak again.
She did, but she has so much brain damage...it was so horrible to listen to her beg to be taken home or scream at you or not be able to speak at all. She begged to die so many times. It's really hard to try to encourage someone in that situation. No hope for recovery and you just had to sit and watch her rot away.
Eight months later my husband shot himself in the head 3 feet in front of me. He recored our argument and emailed it to his family. He also emailed them a voice recorded message saying he was so sorry but I was the reason he was doing this. A week later when they checked their email they got his messages. His mother called me and said that they were only going pay for the $5,000 funeral if I did not attend and then hung up on me. He blamed me and his family has still never spoken a word to me. None of his friends or family came to his funeral, they had their own separate one.
It was open casket. The last expression he had alive was frozen onto his face. They did a pretty good job hiding the bullet hole but that they could do nothing about. He looked so hurt and angry as he screamed his last words at me. Then he shot and was on the ground. Seeing that expression again was so hard. I was instantly transported to that moment.
Six months almost to the day my mom passed away. It was the worst year of my life.
Looking into the eye's of a person who knows they are going to die just before they die, is incredibly difficult to carry. It's a heaviness and pain I cannot ever seem to explain.
It's only been a year and a half since my husband died and I think of him and my mother so many times during each day. I would give anything to go back in time.