A beautiful mum Sadie, my best friend. Passed over 22nd May 2012.

by jillianrcohen@hotmail.com
(England)

I was your only daughter. You were there with me through terrible illness, divorce, childlessness. When I asked you why things were going wrong you always told me I was born for you. After three sons you prayed for me. That always made me feel so wanted. A gift you had to make everyone feel special.
Its been weeks since your death (May 22nd 2012) but the pain is getting worse. You fought so hard to come back home to me and you did. After twelve weeks in hospital and picking up two of their infections (you were only suppose to stay for four nights)
I feel I let you down mum. You never wanted to be catheterised or to go in hospital and yet at the end these decisions seemed to be taken out of my hands. The team who came in before you went to the hospice handling you when you were so ill.
I try and focus on the good times and there were many but your suffering the last few months overide the good memories.
If anyone can respond with any comfort I would be so appreciate it.
Jillian.

Comments for A beautiful mum Sadie, my best friend. Passed over 22nd May 2012.

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Jul 09, 2012
A beautiful mum Sadie, my best friend 22.5.2012
by: Doreen England

Jillian I am so sorry for the loss of your precious beautiful Mum and for the way you are feeling with your grief just now. Part of the grief is feeling as you do. In reality you did not let your mum down. You were there for her. You looked after her needs. Your Mum felt confident with you. Your Mum spoke into your life and made you feel special and wanted. This says you had a special bond of love between your Mum and you. This will say the opposite of you feeling you let your Mum down. We cannot be all things to everyone all the time. We have boundaries otherwise we would injure ourselves carrying the pain of everything our loved ones suffer. Your Mum didn't want a catheter in. Neither did my husband Steve. He was cross. I had to make him aware he needed this as his body was shutting down. Even the not so good things we have to do for the best of the individual speak of Love. You are probably at rock bottom of your grief. It feels worse because that is the worst it can get, and it can only go up now and improve. You are unable to remember the good times because all you were left with is the last days which were of suffering. It is early days. Give yourself one day at a time. Each new day will throw up different feelings and memories. Work with this. Don't look too far ahead. I lost my husband Steve to Asbestos related lung cancer. I was his caregiver for 3yrs.39days. Steve died 8 weeks ago and only now are differnt memories coming back. The way he brushed his teeth. I liked the way he held his electric toothbrush. I cried at this memory. the washbowl and flannel sitting in his downstairs shower he never got the chance to use. putting all the finishing touches in his bathroom. Steve was too ill to go upstairs. We eventually had a hospital bed brought in as he wanted to die at home. Steve died in the newly converted lounge. In the corner where I sit. It is cold in here. I can never get warm. I have become ill with grief and I am shivering. Anyone else had this experience? of cold where someone died. Jillian if you get stuck in grief. Find a bereavement counsellor for support. I have been offered this and will use this if I need to when more memories come back. It is normal to want to continue to live the good times with the special people in our life. It is sad that all the good times have to end. We want them to last forever. this is human nature. It hurts so much to lose a loved one. It hurts so much to let our loved one's go. I hope the days ahead will improve for you and that you will be able to cope with your grief and find happiness at the end. Best wishes

Jul 09, 2012
your mum
by: Anonymous

just know your mum is right there with you she will be able to help you now dont know what your beliefs are but please know there is no death only different places you will feel her love they cant reach us easily because we are so deep in grief but they are watching over us god bless you know one knows the pain do they until they walk on the same path

Jul 09, 2012
I understand....
by: phyllis Pickett

I lost my Momma 5 yrs ago & I still miss her everyday, We only get one & when they leave us pat of us goes with them, some times I want to talk to her so bad, hug her, see her smile. Like you she was always there for me, Mom had to be put in a rest home before she passes, this was the hardest thing I had every done til I lost my youngest son at Christmas, he lived close & was always here helping me or visiting & watching movies, helping me cook, I miss him so sometime I fdon't even care if I live, but God put us here for a purpose & he also takes us home for a purpose, the only thing that keeps me going is the good, Happy memories & doing my best so I can be with them in Heaven, just think Honey together forever, no pain no death, our loved ones with our precious Jesus. I pray a lot & the Dr has me on some meds & they do help, I can't wait til the time I will see& hug my parents & son again, my Chad told me 3 days before he passed away in surgery, he talked to Jesus everyday & he knew my Momma had a place saved for him in Heaven. You will see you Mom again sweetie, this time no hurt or good byes! God Bless you I will pray for you!

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