A deep,long, crazy,wild and wonderful love....
by Gia Wesley
My husband turned into my best friend. We wove a tapestry of nearly thirty years. We have a children, grandchildren and lots of family...my husband was my daily life. He struggled with diabetes and severe complications from the disease--kidney dialysis, legs and part of hand amputated. This went on for over 15 years of our mutual life together. We never gave up, I never gave up on him. We had the deepest darkest times when he had severe delirium due to infection and pain medication just prior to the amputations. I became my husband's life line, advocate and caregiver. He eventually got off the pain meds, launched into life after no legs with a motorized wheel chair and we slowly accumulated two cats and a wonderful dog that became his companions. He loved strolling in his motorized chair with our dog...they could go for miles...last June 2012 he started again talking about going off dialysis...since his time in the hospital and after the amputations--we talked extensively about his interest in trying to stay healthy but never to go back for any more surgery or to the hospital. Dialysis was very hard, but he wanted to endure it so he could be part of and present at family important events. I had emotional reactions when he started talking about wanting to go off of dialysis, I knew I would miss him and life would never be the same. I prepared with informing work and close friends at that time. It helped some. Our life kept drifting on, and I really thought my husband had changed his mind. I told him and always felt this was all his choice...to continue dialysis or not. At the end of January 2012, my husband came to me and told me he had made a decision about going off dialysis and he wanted me to call that evening to tell the center and transportation people that he was going off officially. This started the beginning of the hardest part of my life as his wife. He wanted to die at home and we set up in-home hospice. The hospice people were wonderful...I saw my husband slip away before my eyes and I can't really even remember the last time we said good bye. This still bothers me to this day. Hospice became a blur and I didn't realize he was gone until it was too late in my mind...sounds crazy..