A Dreaded Anniversay

by Marilyn
(Blenheim, Ontario)

Jerry and I were true soul mates. We loved each other totally from the first time we saw each other. We worked together, played together and were a true complement to each other. When he got Alzheimer's Disease I believed I couldn't be more devastated. I watched him disappear before my eyes.

Now the anniversary of his final illness, hospitalization and death is right around the corner and I can't help but keep reliving that terrible time. I feel that I'm back to square one. I feel like crying all the time and do cry often.

There have been days in the past year when I've felt some peace. I feel he is always with me but right now my grief seems overwhelming.


Comments for A Dreaded Anniversay

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Oct 25, 2010
For Hope
by: Mari

I happened to think today that not just I, but all of us who have posted are going to make it. Who ever said it would be easy? Once we get through these anniversaries I feel there will be some healing. After all we have God and we have the assurance of seeing our loved ones again.
I visited the gravesite today and cried of course. I looked at my husbands name on the stone and it made me so sad.

I went home and started planning the 1 year anniversary grave side service. Strangely enough I felt comfort in doing this. At the same time my daughter is planning a baby shower at our church for my grandaughter on the 13th. My birthday falls on a Saturday the 20th. I was thinking that Sunday after church would be the best time to have the service. It will be done with a grateful heart for having had the love of my life for almost 18 years. He came into my life when it was down and he never left until God called him home.

I had not wanted to get married again and he asked me to marry him until I finally did. The Lord works in mysterious ways. So blessed was I. May God bless all of you. We will be ok. Mari

Oct 18, 2010
The anniversary
by: Hope

I too have the dreaded anniversary of Paul's death coming up 12-06-10. It is coming too fast as I thought I would be through a lot of this heart ache. Sometimes the memories bombard me as If I were in the hospital receiving the news yesterday.

I would like to think that it gets better and I do believe that we have gathered strength in our grief journey. All of us starting a forced new life that we don't want but must accept. I have recently gone back looking up surviving widow etc. I have not researched since he died and found this site.

There are widows still in pain at 5 years I do not want to be in pain I want to be a part of myself that not only survives but flourishes. After all there was a me before there was us, though it seems forever ago.

I wish you luck in you journey you can make it because you have made it this far and you are far from alone. We are still here for as long as you need us and we in turn need you back.

Be well find yourself the self that you can and will be. My best to you.

Oct 16, 2010
I too have a dreaded anniversary coming up
by: Judy

My Bear will have been gone for one year on 11/28/10. I am dreading the holidays in general and Thanksgiving in particular since I will have to face this dreaded day all alone. There won't be work, my kids are in CA and I'm not sure even if will get a Thanksgiving dinner invitation, and if I do will I be able to keep myself together.

Bear always said that we could get through anything with each other and the Lord's guidance. I guess this is part of the "being okay" that I promised him I would be as he slipped away from me. So that day I will talk to him, as I often do, and count on this and a prayer to see me through. You will be in my thoughts as well as we travel along this unwelcome journey. On these anniversary days we will be companions in sorrow and happy memories. Hang on as we must.


Oct 15, 2010
I understand....been there!
by: Jen


I understand completely how you feel.
After losing my husband coming up on
two years now I was so angry with everything, Only now is that settling down a bit,

Going thro events and dates is a really hard thing to go thro. I had dreadful flash backs of pain and suffering and eventual death of a wonderful man aged 41. Husband to me and father of two beautiful girls. They overwhelmed me. I was so angry and bitter beyond belief.

This new life and uninvited life does settle a bit with time.. no limit on this time but i promise you having been where you are... you honestly will survive................ we have to.

I really wish you well with your journey.


Oct 15, 2010
for Marilyn
by: Mari

I am so sorry Marilyn. I know your heart is aching. It just takes time to heal. I realize it is different with everyone. It is so hard when you lose someone who is a part of yourself.
My husband passed away Nov 22 2009. He was terribly sick for a couple of years and he passed away in his sleep.

I am absolutely dreading the anniversary for several reasons. For one thing my birthday is Nov 20th. He had plans to take me somewhere and was too sick. My daughter had a cake for me with bumble bees all over it, so cute but I could not stay long at her house as I was worried about leaving my husband very long. He had a heart attack the week before and then stents put in his heart and only lived a short time after that.
A great grand child is coming around Dec 26th and my husband loved the grandchildren so much. Desiree who was the last grandbaby he got to hold will be 2 on Jan 2nt.

I am so sad. My daughter is making arrangements to have all my children here for my birthday and we will have a graveside service in remembrance of my husband. I hope I can get through it okay. I know God is with me. I am not alone but this is just a sad time for me. Anyway take care of yourself and keep posting as this board has a lot of caring people on it. God bless you.

Oct 15, 2010
by: Anonymous

Anniversaries mark an important day in our lives.
Whether it be a birthday or date of death. They
stir up memories we wish we could forget. But memories are what we have left and hard as it is, they can also be a comfort. Cherish the good times you had together. Put the memories in a safe place in your heart. That way, a part of him will live on with you and you know he's always near. God bless you.

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