A Fathers Tears

by Gary
(Panora, Iowa USA)

I have shed a lot of tears this year,
they come easy by and by.
I have shed a lot of tears this year,
don't I know that men don't cry?
I'm a man who lost his son,
you shouldn't have had to go,
I have shed a lot of tears this year,
please do not ask me why.

I had raised you up from such a little one,
it was more than I could do.
You had lived so much, grown into a man,
you did more than I could true.
I have a few regrets, some things I'd change.
I did the best I'd known to do.
You left me early, we had more life to live,
I was not through with you.

My God my God, how do I go on,
hiding my face from everyone.
I'm in so much pain, no life to gain,
how do I live again?
How could I love this much? How do I bear this pain?
I do not know what I'm supposed to do.
I miss you so much, you made me so proud,
you have to know how I love you.

I have shed a lot of tears this year,
they come easy by and by.
I have shed a lot of tears this year,
don't I know that men don't cry.

Comments for A Fathers Tears

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May 27, 2014
Poem info.
by: Gary

I wrote this poem around the 1st year anniversary of my son Adam's death. He was 24 years old on August 27th, 2011 when he died as a result of a motorcycle accident.

I would jot down thoughts as they would come to me, usually during a time of deep dispair. I continued doing this thru the year. The week prior to the 1 year anniversary, I started to sort the notes that I had written down. Some thoughts I was not able to use and now I wondered what was I thinking when I wrote it down. I wrote out a rough draft. This took an enormous
amount of energy to do this as I was reliving out each moment of despair that I had written about. It was as if I was living out the grief of the whole year over course of an hour. I stopped and cried when I needed, but I continued until I had something that looked like this poem.

I brought it out to show my wife, to give me her thoughts. She always has good insite. I then went back to our room to put the finishing touches to it. I printed it out on quality paper and called it finished in the poem you see above.

Writing this poem has given me the most relief of anything that I have done. I would like to add that this poem is about the times of deep despair that I have experienced thru the year. It does not reflect the hope that I certainly have as well.

Thank you for the comments, as you seek for comfort for your grief, seek out the one that can provide your comfort. I seek God's purpose and direction for me in all that I have been through.

May 18, 2014
Vicki - May God comfort you in your loss of your son July 2013
by: Doreen UK

Vicki I a sorry for your loss of your son to suicide in July 2013. I lost my nephew to suicide 9yrs. ago.
The post written for Gary is written also for you. Please read this and hold these thoughts to your heart. Jesus weeps with all parents who lose a child/adult child. He holds your tears. He holds your children, and Jesus will return your children to you one day. Keep this hope in your heart each day to comfort you.

May 18, 2014
A Fathers Tears - Jesus wept when your son died.
by: Doreen UK

Gary I am sorry for your loss of a Son who made you proud, but left this world too soon before you had more time to evolve as father and son and enjoy those years that only a father and son could enjoy from a bond that couldn't be broken even through death.
It is that physical presence that has been lost and you will miss each day.
Abraham in the Bible was prepared to give up his son in obedience to God, through misunderstanding the sacrifice. God gave up his son willingly as a sacrifice for us. Father's and mother's lose their sons/daughters and want them back. How this hurts a parents heart to lose a child/adult child created by God and given to parents to Love for a time and a season. But not lost forever. God holds the soul of all children/adult children till he comes again. Jesus wept when your children died. He lost them also. Jesus probably wanted to rush in and hold all the parents in his arms and tell you all. "I Didn't want to take your children from you." "I hold them in my bosom, "They are safe and protected." and I will give them back to you one day." "Keep Hoping and Praying. Today and always "I send you my Comfort and Peace."

May 17, 2014
The same walk.
by: Anonymous

Hello Gary:
I to share in your pain, from your text I assume you are walking the same path that I am. My 22 year old committed suicide in July. 2013. The pain is like no other. Some days are better then others. I have so many regrets, I always thought I did the right thing I put both of my children first and always tried to give what was best. God has been good to me during this. I cry deeply and very often for the loss of my son. Yes a life gone to soon and shortly lived. I just wanted to reach out and encourage you and to let you no I feel your pain.
When my son's items were returned to me from the police I was told this could have been much worse. Really? I have since learned that even in death I have been spared much grief and I am Thankful to God for sparing me. From one parent to another my words are only that just words and do not replace the deep pain you and your family are feeling. I know all to well the depth of these feelings but at times some how someone along this new life I have someone pop's out and encourages me. I felt drawn to your words and I just want to offer to you my heart felt condolences and I pray Gary that God helps you to heal as you go through your journey.I wanted to encourage you and tell you that God loves you. God Bless you and your family
Thank you for allowing me to share with you.

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