I have attended other funerals in my life when I was younger. I didn't understand death. It never hit me hard like it does now. Now that I am 19 years old. Losing a grandparent at age 19 has been one of the hardest things to try to cope with. I looked up to him and I do feel guilty because he lived in Delphos and I live in Toledo, so we saw each other around the holidays. Now that he is gone, I can't seem to let go, or cope. I have the songs they played at the showing on repeat constantly. When we talk about him we can never find anything bad to say. He was such an amazing man. Now that he isn't here, I feel so guilty that I didn't see him as much as I did. When one loses someone so close, there is a hole inside them that just doesn't seem to get filled. How can I cope?