A Hole

by Mike

I have attended other funerals in my life when I was younger. I didn't understand death. It never hit me hard like it does now. Now that I am 19 years old. Losing a grandparent at age 19 has been one of the hardest things to try to cope with. I looked up to him and I do feel guilty because he lived in Delphos and I live in Toledo, so we saw each other around the holidays. Now that he is gone, I can't seem to let go, or cope. I have the songs they played at the showing on repeat constantly. When we talk about him we can never find anything bad to say. He was such an amazing man. Now that he isn't here, I feel so guilty that I didn't see him as much as I did. When one loses someone so close, there is a hole inside them that just doesn't seem to get filled. How can I cope?

Comments for A Hole

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Jun 21, 2014
Similar experience
by: Anonymous

Hi Mike,
I'm also nineteen years old and have just recently lost my grandfather. Even before leaving the States for college, my grandparents were too far away to see more than once a year. It hurts to know that I'll never get to talk to my grandpa again, and in the beginning I found myself becoming more withdrawn from the people I knew.
But eventually,I forced myself to at least get out a bit on my own and contemplate his loss. I realised he was the kind of awesome grandpa that would have told me to focus more on living my life, and I decided I didn't want to disappoint him.
Don't know if this helps, or how much. I just wanted to write a bit about my own experience in case it could help.

Mar 31, 2014
A Hole
by: Doreen UK

Mike you are still young at 19yrs. to face the loss of your grandparent. You ask How do you cope? ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't look too far ahead, and learn to FORGIVE yourself for any mistakes you think you made by not spending more time with your grandparent. Life is complex and hard and we often get caught up in the daily grind and wish we could do more, then it becomes too late and we find ourselves feeling guilty. Guilt seems to flow out of grief almost automatically assaulting us. LET IS PASS THROUGH YOU. Don't fight it, and don't accept it. Life is what it is. BUSIER than we want it to be. Sometimes we can adapt to our situation, and sometimes we can't. LETTING GO is hard to do but it gets easier with time.
Your grandparent can't be hurt anymore by life. Don't let his death hurt you. Find a way to move forward and nurture yourself back from grief. You are young. Live your life well. You can only do your best each day. Work with what you have. Don't overextend yourself, and don't become too tired to enjoy life. Best wishes.

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