A life that could have been saved and didnt have to be taken

by josephine corliss
(ny)

Linda was my middle child i have four daughters she was second oldest she was my problem child, so much like me; we even had the same kind of cancer cervical we even had the same stage 3 it's hard knowing i beat it and she didn't. I'm 51 years old and she's only 26 so young, but Linda wasn't one to take care of herself and neither was i, but i guess i was lucky and she wasn't. I'm in remission almost five years in December.

Linda lost her battle on jan 16 2010 i took all the treatment that was offered to me at first I didn't wanna live than i wanted to because i thought about my kids how they needed me so i started to fight it.

My daughter knew she had cancer but never really did anything about it only when she couldn't take the pain anymore she would go in to the emergency room at the hospital but would wind up leaving anyway. It wasn't confirmed in the beginning that she had the cancer, but all the signs were there the same like mine, but by the time they did find the cancer years later, it was very advanced and it had to be treated right away so my daughter started her treatment but wasn't conscience with it she would only take it when she felt like it or when i had to plead with her to do so. She was hospitalized just about 2 months at this point, i guess she had her own reasons for doing that, knowing that she was jeopardizing her life. It didn't seem to matter much to her at the time, i really and truly believe that she didn't know the seriousness of her cancer. She didn't wanna live anymore nothing in her life was going the way she wanted it to, nothing was going right for her at all, she had lost her 3 kids to the system; she lost her parental rights.

Her kids were all small and all were adopted she felt she had nothing to live for that's how she felt, but when the dr told us she only had a few months to live we had explained that to her with in a few days short of that it had became a few weeks to live. Her sisters and i were devastated, we wanted nothing more than for her to fight and live but it was too late, Linda passed away. We all watched her suffer every day, she was so helpless and we were too, there was nothing that we could do to make her better.

Right before she died her heartbeat was weak but out of nowhere it suddenly got stronger, we all believed she wanted to live at the end, she was putting up a hell of a fight. It was hard to see her like that so out of breath, gasping for air every nite, sometimes i would ask god to please take her i couldn't watch her deteriorate like that; i had my sisters at her bedside, they are professional nurses, they took great care of her they monitored her every move they cleaned her and did everything you could do to make her feel comfortable.

When Linda's heart finally stopped i was almost relieved she was not in pain anymore, her suffering had ended but now mines is just beginning, who ever said you will get over the lost of a loved one that's not true its only been 5 months but if you ask me how i feel in 10 years down the line i will feel exactly the same.

I miss and love my daughter Linda so much my heart is broken i don't know how I'm still alive, because my heart stopped beating the day she died ...rip my beautiful daughter.