A light has gone out

by Linda

A light has gone out from my life. My beloved dad died two months ago aged 81 years old.
He had been through a lot the last two years and although I live in the USA and he lived in the UK I was there through most of it.
Two years ago he had a stroke- I was on vacation in Italy when I received the call and rushed back to the UK where he was in an acute confusional state.
He was in hospital for a few weeks and made a remarkable recovery-his memory came back and he was almost himself.
We were so thankful when he went home.
A few months later he started having fainting spells- and during a stay in hospital they discovered he had bowel cancer and he needed a large part of his colon taken away.
Because his dementia was worse he was unaware of what was going on- he was just glad when he got back home.
We waited for the day of surgery to arrive and had to break the news to him.
Unfortunately he suffered blood loss after his surgery and had to go back down to theatre. After that he was in a coma for three weeks during which time the consultants gave up on him.
I was grif stricken and prepared myself for the worse.
He surprised us all and after being in hospital for 12 weeks went home to my motheri It was his love and fighting spirit that got him home.
It had been a roller coaster of emotions- his dementia was much improved at home . He was still the sweet, gentleman he had always been.
I returned to the USA.
We had Christmas together andi I had planned another trip for March.
I never saw him again- he had another stroke on March 19th and died two days later.
I received the phone call the day I was moving house. I was alone- my husband away on business.
I was devastated- and am still struggling with my grief.
The trip back to the UK was awful- its so hard to accept that someone so loved has gone.
I cry every day- my feelings have been so intense. I was very close to him and adored him- life will never be the same again.

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Jun 07, 2012
The Light of your life still with you
by: Doreen U.K.

Linda I am sorry for your loss. You had a special relationship with your father and this makes the grief worse. The stronger the love the worse the grief.
The light will never go out for you at the loss of your father.
Part of the package of life is that we will all die at some point but it is never easy for those who are left behind. Death is so final which is why it hurts so much because that person is never coming back. Our interaction with them ceases and we don't want it to. It is natural to want what is good in our lives to last forever.
I felt this way before I lost my husband 4 weeks ago from an aggressive cancer. Life is hard. It is painful. It feels it will be this way forever. But it won't otherwise we wouldn't survive to tell our story. Being on this site and supporting others like yourself helps me day to day. Grief is something we have to feel in order to heal and move forward. This is the hard part that healing is slow and our grief is therefore prolonged and feels as if the wound will never heal.

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