A little glimpse of hope...
It was two yr's and 3mo's ago that my beautiful daughter was killed. I am sitting in the same spot writing this, that I received the call that changed my life forever. I could have never imagined 27mo's ago that I would be here doing this. That my life would go on, and that I would still be able to function. That first year was just overwhelming. Trying to wrap my mind around what had happened. To accept she was gone..forever. The second year I had thought would be a bit easier-little did I know that the shock would wear off and the reality of her not being here would sit in. The numbness was fading. I believe it was more difficult because I honestly thought more of my friends and family would be more supportive. I did have some support and still have a couple of good friends that are always there, if I need them. As time went by I started realizing death is uncomfortable and awkward for most people and they drift away fearful it may be contagious. In reality what person wants to hear you talk about your loss, heartache and the overwhelming darkness you feel on a regular basis? It is almost more than we can manage. I am grateful to the friends and family that have reached out to me. I am still grieving and I believe I will always have grief, but I can say that I am having better days than I did a year ago. I see glimpses of my old self every now and then. I have genuinely found myself smiling and laughing again. I know my life will Never be the same. I would give anything to have my daughter back but I can't. I still have days that are overwhelming and can hit me hard, but I know that there is Hope of finding a little bit of peace again. That there is light amongst all the darkness. I realize that even after all I have lost that life is still valuable. I have a friend that is fighting breast cancer and she is literally fighting to just wake up and have one more day.. I want to see my baby again but until God calls me home I have to believe life is still worth living and do the best I can.