A lonesome mom

by mary cantrell
(reidsville,n.c. usa)

My only child DIED soon will be six years this coming June. 30. He had a massive heart attack in his sleep. His four year hold DAUGHTER was in the bed with him and her mom. He had gotten up at four to feed and change their TEN month old son.
This has been the hardest I have ever had to deal with. His daughter has really had a hard time. I cry every day over his death. It is so hard TOO cope. No family support. There motto is "he is in a better place and not suffering." WELL the heart and brain KNOW this but the heart can not EXCEPT YET and never will.
How does one gone one with this kind of loss. I have never blamed GOD for this because he makes no mistakes. Just can not understand why.
Thanks for letting me share this.
Mary Ellen

Comments for A lonesome mom

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Jan 17, 2014
I Understand
by: Jean

I completely understand the very wrenching grief that follows losing a child. Our adult daughter, 40, died after a fight with esophageal/stomach cancer. It was just awful. No symptoms until stage 4, which is usually the case. True to prognosis, she was gone in 14 months. Her fight was tremendous, but she suffered so much during her fight, and especially at the end. She died in March 2013, so as of this post, it's been 10 months. Some days I cry uncontrollably, and the ache in my and my husband's heart it more painful that we can describe. We wonder if we'll ever be ourselves again. But, we are putting one foot in front of the other, and trying to continue on with our lives, which is a difficult job. We should never outlive our children...it goes against the natural order of life. My love and prayers go out to all of you who are dealing with the deep grief that follows the loss of a child.

Nov 30, 2013
Your loss
by: Marge

Hello - I read with sadness your story. Having lost my son in 2012 I can understand your loss. My situation was very different, but the way your son died was so unexpected. It is certainly very difficult to understand. Having his children in your life should be of some comfort. Yes, people always say he is in a better place, but like you, the better place would be that he is still here. So sorry for your loss. I pray for you.

Nov 30, 2013
A lonesome mom
by: Doreen UK

Mary Ellen you have lost an Adult child and a mother never gets over this loss. Only in time will you live with less pain. My nephew of 30yrs. died 7 years ago and we can't forget this loss and what it did to our family.
You have no family support and this will make things worse for you. Try nurturing yourself with many good things each day to help you feel better about yourself and help raise your self esteem. You will be in a better frame of mind to take on new things in time. If you are not working, try and do some voluntary work to help change your environment and your life in general. The fulfilment will in itself make you feel a little better. Since I lost my husband of 44yrs. 18 months ago to cancer my world has changed dramatically and I often don't feel like doing anything. When I feel like this I watch a good movie or try and do some gardening or anything that is going to occupy my mind and help me feel better. When I go out which is not often I have strong memories of my husband, seeing all the places we used to pass when driving and knowing I am doing it alone. There are too many triggers and memories of food's music, places, and anniversaries that will make us feel worse. I think it will only be many years down the line that we will actually start to heal better. But meantime put as much nice things in your life each day to make your journey better. Knowing God helps because God is the one who will help us get through each day. I have the God channel so have a lot of input here to help me daily. You can also access God channels through your computer and this will help you. I was angry with God for a while (also part of grief) but I didn't want to. I prayed for healing from cancer and it was not to be. I have to do this journey on my own but with God's help. I wish you better days ahead and God's comfort throughout your life.

Nov 29, 2013
mary allen
by: dianne

I am so sorry for your loss I lost my son age 21 also just july this year and I know how you feel he was my all its the worst experience any mother could have and my heart goes out to you.His poor little girl I also have my sons daughter and I cherish her as she is a part of him so just hold her tight and give her the hugs for you and your son so sorry hope in time we do learn to accept things as they are but we will never forget our sons x

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