A long goodbye
Right now I hate Wednesdays - it's Wednesday the 18th of January, 2012 and its been seven weeks since the death of my wife Wendy. I feel sure that some time I'll stop counting the weeks but for now every Wednesday hurts.
Wendy and I were married for 40 years - she was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2003 - and she was my everything. The last year was especially hard as the cancer spread and finally took her away.
At first I tried to deal with the grief all on my own, pretty much telling anyone who asked how I was doing that "I was OK".
Finally, I told a counselor from the hospice my wife was at when she died the same thing and then realized that saying I was OK was the easy thing to say and clearly not true.
So I made an appointment with the counselor and we talked about the various ways of expressing grief. So far I'm just waiting for the floodgates to open - whenever I start crying, I "catch" myself even though I know I should just let go.