A long time ago
When my mom died, I was 8 years old. She suffered from skin cancer, from a malignant melanoma.
8 Years have passed since the day she died but somehow I'm not able to get over her. To really let her go.
After she died I can't remember grieving. I can't remember the first christmas we spent without her. I can't remember as much as I want to.
I guess I repressed my feelings. I also never talked about her. With anyone. Not with my dad, or my brother or any family member. Once I talked to my best friend about it, but only because I was drunk and got nostalgic...
Recently I found out that she killed herself. She had cancer and I guess she would have died soon anyway, but still. She killed herself. My mother committed suicide.
After I discovered that I was devastated for a long time. I still am. It's not something you can just forget.
In some ways it haunts me. It follows me in my dreams. I can't fall asleep. I don't know what to do and what to feel, I'm angry and mad but on the other hand I understand her, and I'm sad....I just miss her.