A love thats never gonna be repeated

by Nickolas
(Germany)

I lost my mom to heart attack suddenly on age of her 52 due to multiple sclerosis and very bad situation with inside home violence. Her heart couldnt stand to be in paralysis for so long (its been about 10 years) and a very bad attitude from dad couldnt move her forward but made her stuck. Its been exactly 1 year from the day i lost her. I couldnt say my goodbye as it happened in a glimpse of an eye and all i can think of is why all these happened to me and what if i could change it... there are nights i cry so much, i try not to let anyone know im in such situation and put a happy mask through the day. None can understand what such a loss mean inside the daily routine and our lives... i cant move forward, i still think i will listen to her voice waking me up to help her go to toilet, i still think i will listen to her voice to cook a meal properly, her way and more... oh god so many more... I think all these little things that used to **ss me off when she kept doing... I want them all back, now... if only i could change the past and help her. I wish no one should go through this decease and i hope if such thing happens, that family and friends will fully support you. I hope whoever reads this, hug his mother instantly and give her a BIG kiss from me, an unknown... that will make me happy.. i really dont know what more to say.. i just feel small..

Comments for A love thats never gonna be repeated

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Aug 12, 2014
A love thats never gonna be repeated
by: Jane

Dear Nicholas, I am from Germany too, but my English is not as good as yours. Sorry for loosing your Mom. I have lost my Mom 15 months ago. If you could have change something, you still would think the same,"like I could´ve change something." It is okay like it is. Don´t feel guilty. Your Mom loves you. Where she is now, only the love is counting, nothing else. Well, I will send my Mom a big kiss up to heaven and one day I´m sure, we will hug our Moms again. May God bless you and I´ll pray for you. Alles Liebe.

Aug 09, 2014
Mums Death
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous
I am so sorry for your loss of your mum in February. You are so right. One can only do their best with what they knew and grew up with. So there is no use one beating themselves up wishing they did things better or differently. This is human nature and we will always wish we could have done more differently and better. I address the younger generation to say that if you grew up in a dysfunctional family you don't have to live with all your fears and inhibitions that limit your life. With good counselling with the right person you can change your present and future and become a more integrated person. Things that held you back as a result of your past can become a thing of the past and you can re-write your future to become what you want it to be. Those patterns of behaviour will change and not continue to future generations. Change is only possible with therapy and exploring why one does not like certain things from their past influencing there present and unable to change. WE each come into life with our own very unique personality and we can adapt to life with changes but not to change everything about ones self. It is a marvellous discovery and healing experience.

Aug 06, 2014
mums death
by: Anonymous

my mum died in February this year. She had a bad life with my father, he disappeared years ago. I think that there's only so much you can do in life. Everyone in life could have done more but I think I did my best best at the time. Im missing my mum that's why I have found this website. I wish shed had a better life but also people need to take accountability for themselves. You can only do what you can do. You maybe like me and just ultimately miss her. All the best

Aug 04, 2014
A love that never gonna be repeated
by: Doreen UK

Nikolas I am so sorry for your loss of your mothers. I think if you could have changed the situation and helped your mother more that you would have. Perhaps your mother nagging you made you so hurt that you just slowed down and couldn't motivate yourself to do more for her. This is your mother's responsibility and you need to leave it there. You did not cause your mother's death. It happened suddenly. Don't think too hard. Most of how we feel after we lose our mother's will make us feel guilty for a while and then it goes. You can help yourself by creating positive healthy thoughts. WE all suffer hurts in life and we can also learn and grow more MATURE from this. It is not all bad. WE also cannot take the hurts away from the one's we love. We have our own battles. If you are stuck in grief you can see a counsellor who can help unblock any thought or memory that is stopping you moving forward. It takes a long time to recover from the loss of a loved one. Taking one day at a time helps us move forward better. You will eventually find Peace in living without your mother.

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