A New Beginning

by Kathy
(Ontario, Canada)

I lost my husband Kit in April 2011 to Lung Cancer after 39 years of marriage. He'd been seeing a doctor for back pain, and was being treated for sciatic for 3 months. The pain was just getting worse and worse. We even went on vacation the end of March on the Dr's advice as the sun and warmth would help so much. What a laugh. It was the worse vacation we ever had. Kit was in so much pain, we flew home early and got him into the clinic, where the doctor on call gave him some better meds. But, by the next day he asked to go to the hospital. The Emerg Dr. looked at him and talked to him for 5-10 minutes and knew there was something else going on. I am so angry with the GP - 3 long months, probably 10 visits or more and he did nothing!!! Kit was diagnosed the end of March and died April 9th - less than 2 weeks later. Seriously, 2 weeks!?!?! He was only 61 years old. We spent all our time together; we'd been each other's best friend for so long. It is so hard to start over at this point. He wouldn't want me not to, however.

The loneliness was almost unbearable the first few months. We?d been soul mates since I was 16. My kids were good though. They would stop by a lot, bring the grandkids, etc. They?d invite me along where ever they were going, just so you aren't sitting home alone. A pity invitation. I hated being the recipient of the pity invitation, but I would go. Anything but sit at home alone. But I don't want to be that woman, wallowing forever, depending on her children for everything, for a social life. I need to start again. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through.

Well, it's been 6 months - half a year without him. And I will admit, it is getting a bit better, at least by times. But oh, I miss him so much. I watch movies and read books, "they are still here, watching over you", yada, yada. I don't feel him here. I wish I did. I want so badly to believe that he's here. I talk to him sometimes, but it's just dead silence. Empty.

I guess a new life starts for me. A life without Kit. In June I joined a Bereavement Group for some counseling which I think helped. I've made some new friends, other women who have also lost their husbands. That has helped a lot. I know I can talk to them and they know how I'm feeling. So, I just take it one day at a time and see where I end up.

Comments for A New Beginning

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Oct 27, 2011
Yes....A New Beginning
by: TrishJ

Kathy~
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband almost 11 months ago while he was on a heart transplant list. The loneliness can be overwhelming. I was married for 37 1/2 years. I was 19 when we met and one month from my 21st birthday when we married. He was all I knew of life.
It's a huge adjustment but we have to keep plugging along. There is a huge void in our heart were our love used to be. All we can do is take one day at a time and keep the faith that we will see them again some day.
God bless.

Oct 27, 2011
A New Beginning
by: Pat J

Dear Kathy,
I so well relate to how you are feeling. I started dating my husband at 15, married at 18,were married 46 years on June 26,2011; My husband had a massive heart attack, sitting at the side of our bed. He had health issues; had been in and out of the hospital since April 18th. We were told he had COPD, heart issues, but was NOT DYING. Our oldest daughter called me a week before he died and informed me she requested a meeting with his doctor. She said she and her siblings were very concerned about their dad. Well, we had the meeting, asked alot of questions and we were told he was not dying; had serious health issues, would be in and out of the hospital alot, but was not dying; boy little do they know-only God knows when our time on this earth is done. Yet, now I feel my husband knew he was dying. He told me more than once on his last visit to the hospital; which was June 6-25, that he was dying. He told all our children he was dying, didn't want to die in the hospital and to make sure they took care of me.
It is so very lonely without him, as you well know. Our children are always here for me and take me out to eat, shopping, and invite me with them. My husbands family has been very supportive also, but they have no clue to actually how we feel. I too joined a support group through our church and have really bonded with three woman. We went to Perkins for coffee and dessert after our last meeting; shared numbers and plan on staying in touch. I feel it is very important for our survival to be with people who really understand how we feel.
I talk to my husband daily; really miss his voice and oh so miss his touch and daily kisses; but we cherish these memories like only we can. Does it get easier; don't really think so; we just are getting stronger and learning to deal with our loss a little better. Like you I am taking it one day at a time. Everyone who asks me how I am doing gets the same response-one day at a time-some days are better than others.
I and our children have felt his presence at times; sounds a little crazy to some, but until it happens and no one can tell me it didn't. you cannot completely understand it, but I will always cherish and hold those times close to my heart. One day, as my faith teaches me I will once again be with him; he's waiting and watching over me until then. I do know in my heart he wants me to be happy; but will the tears stop-NEVER. We all who have loved so deeply have lost way too much.
Keep taking it one day at a time.

Oct 27, 2011
your new life now
by: Judy

Kathy,

My husband has been gone almost two years now and what you are describing sounds like life as usual for widows. I can only assure you that it will go up and down for you as you go along on this unwilling ride you're on. Please feel free to come here and say anything you want because we've all been there, are there, or are going there ourselves.

I wanted to say that I talked to my husband all the time for the first few months and I never got anything back that made me feel like he was there. Like you we were best friends and shared everything. It is so hard to lose that best friend. Someone suggested to me that he might be coming back in some other way so I started looking outside myself a bit. One day I went outside and a cardinal (my favorite bird) was sitting on my front bush looking at me and didn't fly away, just sat on the bush and looked at me until I finally walked away. Maybe that was him.

Take heart.

JM

Oct 27, 2011
Dear Kathy
by: geoffrey campbell

Dear Kathy,
I too have suffered great loss lately, but I know from the promises of God, that there is to be a resurrection, where we are told that those who "sleep in the dust of the earth shall awake" (Daniel 12) I know many tell us that they have spoken to their loved ones, in dreams and apparitions, that they have even smelled the fragrance of their departed loved ones favorite perfume, but Ecclesiastes 9:5 tells us that those who are sleeping, waiting till the resurrection day, "know not anything." In the Old Testament King Saul went to the witch of Endor, she said her encantations and out of the ground a familiar spirit appeared, pretending to be the old prophet friend Samuel, but though it sounded and looked like him, it was, we are told, a familiar spirit. Dear Kathy, the wonderful thing is that there is a day when you will see your loved ones, not apparitions, but in truth and in verity your beloved ones touch and voice. That is why Saint Paul told the Thessalonians not to grieve as those that have no hope, and in 1 Thessalonians 4:16 he tells us of our blessed hope, and the wonderful fate of our loved ones. Therefore dear Kathy, trust in God, talk to Him and allow Him to comfort you, He can bring His presence into our lives also as we show love to those who also are suffering around us, especially those in grief from the loss of loved ones. One day, you will see your beloved, I am praying for you, dear Kathy. A friend in PA, USA

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