A new life?

I have been told I have to build a new life. My old life was so wonderful and now it is gone. I woke up this morning wondering why. I don't want a new life. I want my old life and if I can't have it I don't want any life at all. Not that I am going to take my life, but I just want to sit here for the rest of my life remembering my old life and the wonderful man who gave it to me. I can go through the motions but I don't know how to change who I am. I am his wife. I always just wanted to be his wife. I always will be his wife. But he is not here.

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Jan 22, 2011
A new life...

I still feel like his wife. I still wear his ring and I still miss him terribly. I don't think that we just start a new life. I think that we adapt to the life we now have. Forcibly adapt would be more accurate.

We have to work, pay the bills, raise the kids, Eat, do laundry and all of it is so hum ho. Done on auto pilot. It is a lonely existence without Paul without MY Husband.

Yes My husband, though I am single I do not feel that way. I want to pull out of this grief. But everything is....

mundane and colorless. So I do know what you mean though it sounds as if I am further along time wise. Grief is still like a dog with a bone it just won't let go as much as I try to shake it.

Jan 22, 2011
a new life?
by: jules

I know how you feel - I would give just about anything to have my old life back - but the mere fact that your love has gone means you are living a new life - not by choice, but because you can never again be the person you were with your darling.

So to those who say you need to build a new life - say - I have a new life - I just need to learn in my own way, in my own time, how to live it.

Every day - one step, one breath
take care

Jan 22, 2011
by: Anonymous

Hi there,I am not going to give you any advice or something like that. I just want to share some of my experience with you. Three years ago I was just thinking in the way what you are doing right now. I thought my life is over, the colorful part of my life has gone coz my beloved betrayed with me. My world was stopped. I just thought like you to stay still and will pass rest of my life with her memories. I did that for one year or more. Than I understand I am just wasting myself. I started to make myself socialize, let my life go in its way.

Started to take part in social events, started to passing time with friends and family, trying to make myself easy with everything around me. It was going well n good. I had nothing to lose nothing want. Tension free life.

Back in October 2009, suddenly I found someone special, who starts to make heart beat faster. Yes, I was in a crush again. I find everything in Her, what I always dreamt. The color of life back again and finally we got married in September 2010. And now I am lot more than before. I thanked God that my first love betrayed me.

So..best of luck.

Jan 22, 2011
In your own time
by: Zoe

Grief is very personal and specific to each if us. Be selfish with your grief deal with it in your way in your time and do not allow anyone to tell you how to grieve. If Bruce were here and these people had told you to change would you, no of course not this is no different.

I understand how you feel I am no different today than I was the day before he died I love John with all my heart always have always will
Keep coming here and writing we are here
The hardest thing about an ending is starting again
All you can do and start
One breath one step one day at a time

Jan 22, 2011
New Life
by: Anonymous

I wonder if people really know what they are saying when they say get a new life. i would like for any one of them to drop what they have and just move in a different direction. Do they have any idea what it would be like. Stop doing everything you are used to doing. Stop going everywhere you are used to going. Stop being around most of those you are used to being around. Yea no problem I will do it tomorrow!

Jan 22, 2011
a new life?
by: Donna

I am feeling exactly what you are feeling. I don't want a new life, I want my old life back with Bryan here well and by my side. Bryan took a young girl who had no confidence in herself, why would I, I was always told how ugly I was and how I couldn't do anything right, and he turned me into a women with self confidence, and a completely new outlook on life. He always told me how beautiful I was. We had such a wonderful life, I just want that life back. But I will never have that life again, no matter how much I want or need it. I will always be his loving wife and he will always be my loving husband. Nothing can ever change that not even death. So I come here often in search of some direction in my new unwanted life. I have come to live by the motto one step one breath one day at a time. That's all I can do for now.

Jan 22, 2011
A new life?
by: M. Mack

I know how you feel. It's horrible going through the loss of a great love. Why is this part of life? No one has the answers and we stumble around in despair, missing what was and not looking forward to what will be.

I don't look at this life with so much loss and loneliness as a new life at all. It is a changed life. Everything and everyone else goes on but we are changed forever.

Remember, one breath, one step and see where it takes us. You have my prayers and wish you find some comfort from this site. Many are listening.

Jan 22, 2011
A New life
by: Linda(Quebec)

Boy do I know how you feel having been told exactly the same by well meaning friends who have NO idea what this is like.

It might not help but you are not alone, just look how many of us there are on here.

I have read many times that people on here refer as it to "the new norm"...of all the ways I could describe it I find that one fits best,this new norm (he passed away 6 weeks ago today) without my husband is empty and sad but somehow and I don't yet know how I'll be able sleep a whole night, eat and live again, just not today.

Small baby steps........and breathe!

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