A part of me died, too

by Mary

I lost my dad six weeks ago, on August 17. It still feels so raw as if it happened yesterday. I cry so hard every night I make myself sick. I cannot focus, I cannot think straight ... I miss him so much. Friends and coworkers are telling me I need to "move on" and "stop being sad." I feel I have started alienating myself from everyone, because I feel they do not understand. If they really understood the pain I am feeling, they would never tell me to "stop being sad." The only person I want to talk to and spend time with right now is the one person that is not here. I cannot hug or kiss him. People are telling me that we knew it was coming, his diabetes had been slowly killing him for years, so I should have been prepared. As prepared as you think you are, there is nothing you can do to really prepare for the pain and anguish that comes after it happens.

But everyone wants me to "snap out of it," "don't be depressed." I feel I am not as strong as everyone wants me to be ... my own life stopped that day. He was my rock, my hero ... and now he is gone. I do not know if and when I will ever be able to move on ...

Comments for A part of me died, too

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Sep 28, 2014
Hi Mary, I need your help!
by: Jennie

I am so very sorry for your loss, my condolences. For better access to advice and support, please click on "The Grief Club" button on the left for access to the new Forum. We want to keep this great online grief resource going and need your help! Please re-post this or put a new submission there. All your friends are waiting...

Hi Pat from Green Bay, and Anonymous MI:

Could you please contact me via "Contact Us" button to the left? I need your help for the transition. Thanks so much!

Sep 28, 2014
A part of me died, too
by: Doreen UK

Mary you have the worst bunch of friends and co-workers who have no understanding whatsoever about death and losing someone. Choose your confidants carefully because they could compound your grief and make it worse as is happening.
See a grief counselor if you need to. Professionally trained and skilled to help you better than the people who surround you right now. You can't snap out of grief. You can't get over it. This is not a wise statement. Grief is a process one must go THROUGH. Not avoid. Not dealing with grief will make it worse and make you ill to the degree you can't function. The best way forward is firstly TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME.
isolating yourself from other's whilst you deal with your grief is not a bad thing to do. Most of us do this, as we try to process our feelings and the enormous pain of grief. I could not function for 6 months when I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. 5 months ago. I am moving forward but so slowly, and this is O.K. There is no timetable for any of us. WE all have different histories and so must be allowed to grieve in our own way and time and with the support on this website we know that one day we will recover from our grief even if this be many years later. I know it will be hard on any remaining family when we don't feel like engaging in life anymore, but it won't always be like this. Being in therapy is very helpful and can help one move forward better. But patience is necessary because therapy is also a slow healing process. But once this grief work is done one can be in a more healthier state emotionally to reclaim one's life. I DID IT.! To feel WHOLE and HEALED feels good and no words to describe this. Don't give up! Life will get better in time.

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