A part of me went with him

On December 26, 2013, my family learned that my father’s cancer had returned.
Dad had battled a number of things, strokes, cancer, heart surgery but he always bounced back.
He was a fighter.
He tried the xeloda, it didn’t work. We then found out the cancer had spread from his colon to the liver and throughout his body.
When the Dr said “Aprox 6 months”, my heart & world just shattered.

Dad lost his battle on May 24, 2014.

My father was and always will be my hero, my rock, the greatest man I have ever known.

Dad was previously married before he met my mother. His first wife died at the young age of 40 after losing her battle to breast cancer, leaving behind Dad & 3 small children.

My parents divorced when I was 15. I originally went with my Mother but after 2 weeks, I was back with Dad.
At 16 I became pregnant & it was also around that time, my mother decided to move to NC from NY.
My daughter & I stayed with my father. He was our rock, our protector. He made sure we were ok. Our worlds were safe because he was in it.
Losing him was always my biggest fear.
And now here I am, without him.

Falling apart isn’t an option. He wouldn’t want that. He would want me to be happy, to continue on. To be a fighter just like he was.

As all of you already know, when you lose someone so close to you, you lose a part of yourself.
There is no doubt that the day Dad died a part of me did as well.

I try to find comfort in knowing that I have absolutely zero regrets. I try to remind myself that he is no longer suffering. I am so grateful that I got to have 37 years with him & my daughter 19.
He told me the day before he died that he would be gone within 24 hours and he was.

So much of who I am is because of him. From my sarcastic personality to my belief in loyalty & family.
Words alone could never fully express my pain.
But nothing, not even cancer can take away our memories.



Comments for A part of me went with him

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Oct 30, 2014
For "My Dad, My Hero"
by: Anonymous

I am so very sorry for your loss.... As per my below comment - I lost my dear Father on May 24, just 5 months ago.... I ask myself each day how to go on without him and I do not have the answer to that. All I can say is that I get up each day and go through the motions because I must, and I know that is what my Father wants. I have now begun getting out of bed each morning thinking and stating aloud to my Father - that this day brings me one day closer to the day we will once again be together.... Please know that your Father is still with you, and watching over you. The coming months will not be easy and it will seem to get worse before it gets better.... I wish you peace and comfort. Please write to let us know how you are doing.

Oct 29, 2014
My Dad My Hero
by: Anonymous

My Dad passed on 1st October, 2014 after a very long fight with bone cancer I knew this journey was going to be hard but had no idea it would hit me this hard....I have a faith I believe in so very strongly and I know that his suffering is over and he is now in peace and Im glad for that but also angry I now have to find a life path that does not include him anymore....does help to read your words and realize that all that Im feeling is part of the process we now face going on without them and as some of you have said a piece of me has gone with him, I shall never be the same again and have to adjust to the new person I now am

Oct 22, 2014
For "My Dad"
by: Anonymous

I am profoundly sorry for your loss. I too lost my dear Father, on May 24th, five months ago. I can well relate to not having any desire to get out of bed, nor go on without my Father. For me the grief has been a cycle - a few bad days, a couple which seem a bit better - and then it begins again. I go through the motions each day, but I no longer feel like the person I once was.... perhaps because a big part of me, went with him. Tonight I had yet another meltdown, I am sending you a great big HUG.... I hope this comforts you in some small way.... Please write again to let us know how you are doing. expire

Oct 21, 2014
my dad.
by: Anonymous

I lost my beautiful dad 7 weeks ago and im struggling so much.his heart just stopped one morning. I miss him so much.my dad was my world, I feel like I died when he did.i did nearly everything with my dad.even getting out of bed is a struggle.i dread every single day without him and feel sick everyday I wake up.i really do not want to live without him.
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Oct 13, 2014
I understand
by: Anonymous

I lost my dad on September 14, 2014. He was our rock and centerpiece. I could identify what you wrote. I always felt safe because he was around. Even though, I am a wife, mom, and have a career, I still felt like a "Daddy's Girl". :) Now, everything is different. I know that death is a part of life and this day was coming. No matter how old you are, you are never prepared. I miss him a lot. But, yes, he would want me to continue working and taking care of my family. "Stay the course" as he said.
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Oct 10, 2014
I can relate
by: Anonymous

Hi,

It sounds like you shared something wonderful with your father and that you do not have any regrets. I lost my father 4 weeks ago to cancer, I am 37 and he was 72. My heart is broken and I can relate with what you did say about a part of me died on that day also.
I am so heartbroken for my mom. They were married for 41 years. I look to comforting words or stories but realize that nothing is comforting at this time. I enjoyed reading about story and your dad, your love and sharing your story brings warmth to my heart!
I am sure like me you wish you could have your dad back even for an hour, that seems to be the hardest part.....Prayers to you and your loved ones!!
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Oct 07, 2014
For 3 weeks without my hero....
by: Anonymous

Dear 3 weeks without my hero,
I am deeply sorry for your tremendous loss.... My Father, my own hero, left this realm four and a half months ago. Like your own dear Father, mine was taken by what I refer to as the Mother of all illness - Metastatic Brain and Lung Cancer. His first battle, nine years ago, was with Breast Cancer. Detected early, and treated, the doctors said there was less than a 1% chance of it resurfacing. Last February, it did resurface and as is common, there is not always hope the second time around. Please know that you are NOT alone. It is very very fresh for you and you will indeed have some very bad moments. Goodness knows I still do, and always will. For me grief has become a cycle of three very bad days, a couple of days where I THINK it is getting slightly better, and then it begins again. It will, I suppose, take as long as it takes. There are days where I have felt lost, anxious, vulnerable - things all quite foreign to me. Truth be told, I just do not feel like the person I once was, and do not know if I ever will again. We must however, try our best to carry on. I try to honor my father each day in some way, by doing something I know he would like, even something as simple as clearing out a few things in the garage. Evenings and weekends seem to be the most difficult, in fact like clockwork nearly every evening when the Sun goes down, I have a meltdown. Keeping busy and distracted I find, is a great help. Take it slowly - one day at a time, one hour at a time, even just one moment at a time. We are here for you when you need us.... I wish you Peace.

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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Oct 07, 2014
3 weeks without my hero
by: Doreen UK

Anonymous I am so sorry for your loss of your father 3 weeks ago. None of us knows how painful grief is and how distressed we can be for some time with such unbearable pain. WE view death as just the loss without the feelings. How can we imagine this pain without ever going through it. The best way forward I learned on this site is by taking ONE DAY AT A TIME. Don't look too far forward, otherwise it will feel like an insurmountable climb out of this pit of despair and suffering. Also build yourself up by doing one good positive thing for yourself every day and build on this till it becomes a way of life. This will help the healing almost like putting ointment on your wounds.
You may forget what your father sounded like and trying so hard to remember some memory and conversation. This will feel like a numbness, but will soon pass in time and you will have all those memories return and can be such a comfort. You will recover from your grief in time. You will be able to "stand up" and find your way back in life.
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Oct 07, 2014
3 weeks without my hero
by: Anonymous

My dad died three weeks ago. I'm heavily grieving and missing him. I, too, lost a part of myself. I wonder if I'll ever learn to "stand up" in my new universe. My dad had a cancer that was put into remission with a bone marrow transplant. 6 years later...the cancer returned as richterS and involves tumors in his cns. We lost a piece if him daily as he suffered for two years. I'm so very sad....as anyone reading this can understand. Praying to figure out my new universe...
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Jul 30, 2014
a part of went with him
by: Anonymous

I understand completely what you are feeling. My dad will be gone two years this August 21. I miss him terribly and would take him back in a minute. One day at a time is right. Oh how hard it is too watch a loved one taken away by cancer. I will see him again in heaven. I feel your pain. He is now your guardian angel.

Jul 21, 2014
May 24, 2014
by: Anonymous

Like you, I too lost my dear father on May 24, 2014, perhaps this is why I am so compelled to reply to your post in particular. My father was diagnosed on February 21 and despite his Oncologist giving us hope, he lost his battle just three months later. It is the most profound loss and I literally feel your pain. You have my deepest sympathy and condolences.... Hugs, Peace and Blessings to you.

Jul 19, 2014
Thank you !!!
by: Anonymous

I don't know how to possibly thank those of you who took the time to send me such loving, caring messages.
I am truly blown away. Ubtheresa kindness of "strangers" & I am so so grateful.
Thank you !
Your words give me hope & they are so very comforting - thank you!

Jul 18, 2014
A part of me went with him
by: Doreen UK

Cancer is such a ravaging disease that rips through families and tears them apart. I can identify with your cancer experience. My husband of 44yrs. had a slow growing terminal cancer that took 40yrs. to develop. Incurable, and inoperable. I did not think I would lose him to this scourge of a disease. One day sitting in the traffic I suddenly observed how everyone walked and some rushed and they all had a story to tell. I said to my husband. So many people with a story and some may be walking around with cancer and not know it. Little did I know that soon after my husband was diagnosed with the
rare and worst cancer ever. It was such a shock getting that news. My world crumbled and I nurse my husband for 3yrs.39days and he died 2yrs. ago. I never thought my 3 Adult children would lose their father. A true Gentleman. A great loss to our world and the world of work where he could have passed on his skills and trade as a carpenter. He cut asbestos and this is how he got his cancer. Like you I know that our loved one's suffering is over. My husband died a painful death. I still weep over that cancer journey and how horrendous it was. Cancer cannot take away our memories. Cancer destroyed the body of our loved one's but not their Spirit (breath). This goes back to God who gave it. To be resurrected when God decides this world can't last much longer the way it is and He will come back for us as He promised. We live in Hope and a Prayer. For eternal life and to be reunited with our lost loved one's again. Healed and restored. Best way forward is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is how I have survived till now. May God comfort you and give you His Peace.

Jul 18, 2014
A part of me went with him
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. He must have been a wonderful man to have a daughter like you. What a tribute to him you are. I am sure he loved you just as much as you loved him.
When I read the title of your post, it brought me back to the way, I feel. But for me, I lost a part of myself the day my husband of 46 years died from a massive heart attack. We were married 46 years on June 27, 2011. He died 10 minutes after midnight on the morning of the 27th. After 3 years, I still feel a part of me died with him.
I have 5 adult children and 8 grandchildren. They are my reason for living. My faith in my God and my faith that one day I will see my husband again help me go on.
You have a 19 year old daughter. She is your reason for living and as you stated your dad would want you to go on. You have alot of your dads characteristics, that's good, you are a part of him, he will always live in your heart.
Cherish your memories, talk to him, his body died but his spirit will always live in your heart.
My mom died when I was 29, which was 38 years in June. My dad is gone 8 years. I still find myself talking to them. They will always live in my heart. I have 3 daughters and I see my mom in each of them. I have 2 sons and I see my husband in them and I see my dad in my brother and I see some of my mom and my dad in me. My oldest grandaughter has my moms' hands and beautiful long nails. God works in mysterious ways.
When we loose someone we love we never quite get over it, we slowly learn how to go on without them, always keeping them tucked safely in our heart.
Cherish your memories and be grateful for the wonderful father our loving God gave you, even though he was taken way too soon. My husband was 67 when he died. I was 15 when I started dating him; married him at 18 and now I am learning to live for myself.
Be good to yourself and do things you enjoy. Your dad will always be watching over you with God's guidance.

Jul 18, 2014
Love and Prayers...
by: Lynn (Virginia)

I lost my dad to cancer when he was 58 years old -- I understand your pain. I was an only daughter -- and there is NO one that will ever love you and protect you the way your father does -- my heart breaks for you -- but I pray God will give you peace -- it is so hard to watch someone you love die to cancer -- when there is nothing that can be done......just know that people care and are lifting you and your family up in prayer. Bless you and be strong!!!

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