A Place to Come to

I sit here in an empty house not wanting to call kids or family. Really not wanting them to know how much I hurt and how sad I am because I realize they must get on with their lives. I come here at all hours of the day and night and feel like there is someone listening to me who understands. I am so sorry you are all going through this pain and sadness but I am so glad you are there to listen to my ramblings. To realize that I died on the day my husband died. I am just still walking around. So many times I wish it had been me because this pain is so great. Thank you for being here!

Comments for A Place to Come to

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Feb 12, 2011
by: walter shebib

i lost my wife sue 3 years ago xmas to ovarian cancer. boy she was brave. it did not bother her. it was just another day to her and me with my oldest daughter trying to take the lime lite. i really never got a chance to say good-bye to her. we were together for 43 years as a married couple. we knew each other alot longer. my high school sweat heart you might say.was never in a relationship with no other even though i had lots of girlfriends in high school but i picked her in the end. had 3 children now a grandfather 7 times by my youngest daughter kathy. real mother. she has 2 sets of twins a houseful and nothing fizzes her. doesnt have time to grief her mother like my oldest who cant keep a boyfriend. anyways sue is haunting me all the time. iv tried the paper and the net for girls but it doesnt seem to work. even though im not in the mood for that most of the time. i think one is going to discover me if anything happens.

Feb 06, 2011
i'm there too
by: janis

oh my - it is so good to know that i am not the only one struggling to find a reason to go on. the pain and sadness overwhelm me - i try to do what i need to do but often the reason(other than sheer survival) eludes me. it's been just over 2 months since my husband died and what would have been our 19th anniversary is less than 1 week away and i'm having a hard time seeing any reason at all for caring about anything. people tell me that i'm handling it so well- they're glad to see my personality coming back- but they don't realize that's just my public face and when i'm by myself i fall into a dark hole with no bottom. i'm sorry that i don't have words of comfort for you. all i can say is i'm there too

Feb 04, 2011
what a great place to come to..........
by: Linda(Quebec)

I read your post and wish I could say something to make you feel somehow better all I can say I wish I didn't have to be here but I am so thankful I found you all.
You have all been my lifeline, my friends late at night and my grief cousellor.
You all know and understand EXACTLY how I feel !

When I read what you all post it somehow comforts me that I am "normal" in feeling this way.
I don't want to call my family because they hate to see me so sad so I come here, read what you all write and find tears flowing down my cheeks because like you I miss my darling sweet husband.
I hope what we all have written (sorry you didn't rite your name) helps.even if its a little bit

Feb 04, 2011
14 monther
by: Hope

~.~.I feel it necessary to re-comment. Having been without the comment section of this site made me feel as if I were going through withdrawl. I do lean heavily on this site. I read it every day as I have since the first month after Paul died.

It has helped me through many a rough patch.
And when I am having a decent day it helps to respond to others grief. I think someone said you did not put your name or how long your husband died.

If you are shy about your feelings keep them anonymous but, Having come here for 14 months as of Feb 6th, I can easily relate to Jules, Jen, Judith, Mari, M.Mack,Zoe etc. Having lost our Loves at approximately the same time.

We all grieve differently yet have like emotions. That is the only reason that eventually you admit your name to help others in the same boat. You lean on each other heavily through the holidays and eventually the year mark.

Come here as often and as long as you need to we will always hear and listen. Long after others have abandoned you out of fear and lack of knowing what to say.
My best to you in your journey of grief many ups and downs good and bad days but we will be here thoughout all...

Feb 04, 2011
This Place
by: Zoe

We are with you here. Writing here is the lifeline we hold. We know each other's names, and if someone has not written in a while we seek to find out about them.

I remember being on the web looking for... something and stumbling across this site. I can't tell you why it felt different, but it did, so I wrote.

From my own experience, and what I have observed, when you first write, no matter how long it has been since the loss of your loved one, you are in very raw stages. So you put it out there and don't even look at comments. After a while you read what others write, and then one day, you read something someone has written, and you feel the need to respond, because you understand. It is what we do we understand.

Most of us don't seem to sleep (I personally have written at 2:00 am on my Iphone in the dark) and we have people from all over the world. It doesn't matter, the pain of loss of your beloved is the same, and different and completely individual.

Personally, am I doing better. By definition, yeah, I don't cry all the time (but I do cry every day) I am more functional. Does that change that deep wish it had been me instead or that I had gone with him, no. That will always be.

You walk around in your new world like a blind person in a funhouse, in the dark hands out desperately trying to find your way. You will move, you will go in circles, you will slam into walls.

But when you need to, stop and come here, we are always here for you, we always listen.

And yes we repeat it all of the time, but it is the only thing that makes you survive, especially in the beginning

one breath, one step, one day at a time.

Jan 31, 2011
Your message
by: Rose

I just read your message and got goosebumps all over. I'm sure your husband is listening to you too. I'm 22 and I lost my mum and I feel her all around, I also feel she would be the only one who understands this pain and could help me. I feel lost in a world of helplessness and sorrow. Something died in me too the day my wonderful mum died. i think that's part of grief?
This is a wonderful site and seems to be helping me alot as i find it very hard to talk to my brother and sister about my feelings now.

Jan 30, 2011
by: Jackie

Hi, we all have this in common. When life becomes
too much I read what other people post on this wonderful site. I truly believe this website is helping to keep me sane. Poor your heart out to the rest of us, it seems to help at least for a little while. For me it has been three months. On Valentines day it will be four months. I felt my husband's presence today, it helped for a second. I long to see him and hold him again. Take care of yourself, try to be strong.

Jan 30, 2011
a place to come to
by: jules

I know your pain and so do others on this site - it is a lifesaver - I too had times of absolute despair when my husband died - he has been gone 14 months now - but I never felt that I had died with him - he would have been so disappointed in me if I didn't pick myself up and live my life.

It is hard, it is lonely, it hurts, I used to get angry - not anymore, no point - I used to cry a lot - I have times when tears are very close to the surface, and sometimes they spill over - but I realise through this site that I can't change what is - I have to accept it, I have to make my life the best that I can - I have reconnected on the internet with some old friends, and that is a positive thing, I also keep in touch with all my friends, even though most of them live in my home state, and I live about 1000k away.

You don't say how long it has been, nor your name, a name helps us to personalise with you, there are some wonderful people on this site, make them your friends.

And every day - one breath, one step
take care

Jan 30, 2011
a place to come
by: Donna

I too am glad to have a place to come to, it has saved my life on more than one occasion. I hate talking to anyone anymore, because all I can seem to think of or to say is how much I miss Bryan and how much I love him. How many times can you have the same conversation? I know it must get old for them (anyone I talk to nowadays). But I know I can come here anytime of the day or night. Sometimes I post and other times I just read. Both have been a life saver. I don't know how I could have ever survived the last 6 months without everyone on this sites help. I have learned the most important lesson of my life it is one step one breath one day at a time sometimes for me it is one second at a time. I would also like to thank everyone here for all of their support and listening to the ramblings of a grieving widow. Fortunately (unfortunately) we are all in this together. God bless us all and help us through this unwanted journey.

Jan 30, 2011
A place to come to...
by: Hope

I know that I come here often for comfort. Although I have made much progress in the whole grief cycle. The loneliness still haunts me. I am talking to people as normally as possible, not desperate for company just talking about...paint this and that trying not to show how desperate and lonely I truly am. It is a mask of self confidence that hopefully some day will feel real if I use it often enough. Since My Love died it is hard to maintain any sense or semblance of this new normal we all seek. Fake it till ya make it...

Jan 30, 2011
A place to come to
by: M Mack

You're right about this pain being very bad and I feel so sorry for you. I'm in the same place, tied up with sadness.

I realize that it's not how long ago it happened that's got me so up and down with grief. It seems to show up when a memory kicks in. Something very vivid, reminders, places and things we loved. Every time I get those reminders, I have to plow through it, sad and alone.

We all need to get through the stages of grief in our own way. There is no schedule for our stages so if it helps for you to sit at the empty home and mourn, than this is what you need to do to face your grief. I don't believe in running away from it like I used to. I just take it on and go day by day. Eventually, I pray we all find some comfort to lighten our pain and decide to take the next step. Hang in there and hope this made sense to you. Remember the plan...one breath, one step and hang in there. My prayers.

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