A Silent Loss

by Dannielle W
(Ontario)

Last Summer my husband and I after getting married wanted to begin starting our family and we knew we faced challenges due to "Infertility" anyways we didnt realize the sadness we faced, we went to see our family Doctor who referred us to a fertility specialist who told us that my Fallopian tubes were blocked and my chances were slim. anyways we concerned the chances and then were were told the cost involved and the chances that we would actually conceive a child and had to make a hard choice (more based on the thousands of dollars that the IVF and other cost related to it) were going to cost us (we couldn't afford the cost we were not rich people) anyways we decided not to go threw with the Fertility treatments.

It broke my heart, I'm still a year later dealing with it. Even now talking about the loss of never being a Mother is hard. I deal every day with the loss when i hear about friend who are pregnant or pregnant bellies. To me this is a loss that cannot be defined. No i did not lose a child or a pet but because of infertility and the cost involved i will never fufill my dreams to be a Mother. Due to health issues we decided it was also best for me to have a hysterectomy (which was a hard decision) this made the never to be a Mother Final too. I will forever feel a piece of me missing from missing a child growing inside me to having grand children when im in my 40s or 50s.

Comments for A Silent Loss

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Jan 10, 2013
thank you
by: Kylie

Thank you for sharing! I too suffer from possible infertility, and will have a really hard time getting pregnant, let alone keeping it (I have already suffered a miscarriage which is something I don't wish on anybody) so I know where you are coming from.

We grow up thinking life will go a certain way and we plan on these key things happening and when they don't it's just as hurtful as a death of a loved one and should be handled as such.

I just hope that you have a strong support system, as well as understanding friends. I know after my miscarriage I had to clean up my fb and get rid of anybody I wasn't too close with who were pregnant, and I did also lose a good childhood friend just because I couldn't stand to follow her pregnancy or growing belly. It was something I knew for my own sake and sanity I needed to do.

Just take the proper time to process and definitly express your feelings with your partner, that's what they're there for even if they'll never FULLY understand.

My thoughts are with you!

Feb 05, 2011
Silently unspoken, yet written all over your face
by: Tina Ward

I came looking for you. I am so glad you posted this note. Thank you. It has helped me greatly.

I just found out 6 weeks ago that there will be no biological child for us. I am in the angry stage of grieving. What a yukky stage. I just hope the good friends I have around me will not be too hurt by the stupid negative things that are coming out of my mouth.

My heart aches for all people in similar situations.

At this stage, I just wish surrogacy was simple in Qld. It is such a mine field. Adoption is so expensive and it takes so long.


Jan 13, 2011
I'm sorry
by: Terri

I truly am sorry you missed out. I was delayed in having my second child and remember how disappointed I was, but do have that child now so, only have a small fraction of an idea of what you are going through. Thank you for telling us! My thoughts are with you!

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