A Trusting smuck again

by Hope
(Town of disappointments and broken promises)

We were so happy together

We were so happy together

Let me introduce myself, My name is Hope and if you did not know the meaning it is to be eternally optimistic or something like that. Fortunately or unfortunately the name fits.

I am now playing the naive fool waiting for something some one that just isn't going to happen. It is raining outside and my roof is leaking. The Tarp that blew off night before last is no protection and the ceiling is leaking again.

You see I had a neighborhood roofer PROMISE to do my roof. 2 months ago he nailed a tarp to my roof much to my brothers disappointment as in "Suppose the insurance company DOESN"T pay for it? then she has More holes in her roof."

End of story I have ran into him more than one time more excuses and promises. His girlfriend answered the phone like oh jeese its that crazy bitch on the phone again.

In my mind I KNOW that there are people who do not keep their promises. Sound sincere when you really know that they are bullshitters. And yet you wait after all they did promise.

My Love KEPT his promises always. He was a hard worker and may have worked his self to death although he always said a little hard work never killed anyone. Did it? Am I am just feeling sorry for myself crying at what I must contend with.

Paul never would have waiting for someone to do the work. He would have had someone on it 2 weeks later. He would have put the tarp back on even with his fear of heights. He would be on the roof now because he was my protector My Love My Husband and I still Love and Miss Him.
Mrs Paul Holt

Comments for A Trusting smuck again

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Nov 06, 2011
An honest roofer at the right time..

My brother and his girlfriend had dinner with a friend and his wife. Turns out he is a roofer and they gave me his number. He was honest, competent and had 40 years experience. What are the odds that my brother and his girlfriend would just run into him when I was at the end of my rope. Sometimes I wonder....what is coincidence and what is Paul somehow looking after me in his own way still?

Oct 30, 2011
You're no schmuck
by: Judy


Because you chose to believe someone who made a promise and them broke it doesn't make you a schmuck. It makes him a schmuck. It makes you an honest person who dealt with a dishonest one.

I've had similar experiences with handymen, a notoriously unreliable group of workmen. What it's taught me is that if you want someone reliable you have to get a referral from someone reliable. Can your insurance company steer you to someone? Can someone in you family or church recommend someone reliable?

I guess I should apologize that the hurricane completely skipped Florida and beat the heck out of Virginia and the Carolinas, leaving me dry and snug and you in a terrible situation.

Lastly, you most appropriately are named Hope. Your honesty, candor and soul searching have given me hope many times as we struggle along this crazy road together.


Oct 29, 2011
A trusting smuck again
by: Mari

Hope, you are right when you say Paul would have taken care of the roof. Unfortunately we now have to rely on others for help and they are not always reliable. Here on the complex I often have to call people for needed services more then once.
My husband bought and paid for a new washer, dryer and stove 2 days before he passed away. He always saw that I had what I needed. Not only did he see I had what I needed but many things I wanted.
We cannot always rely on people because they are human just like us. It is frustrating though. You had someone who provided all your needs and that makes it difficult now such as that little deal with the roof.
The anniversary of my husband's passing is coming up Nov 22nt and on that day I start classes in Fresno. I need a certificate for the work I do.The classes are 3 hours long in the mornings but I have to work too and I was mad as a hornet when I saw the class schedule plus work schedule. I wanted that day for reflection and to be with family.But it is the law to have the certificate and I got to thinking that things are not always going to be convenient. But my husband would tell me to take the classes and be done with it.I sure miss that man.My 13 yr old grandaughter spends alot of weekends with me and we went to buy ice cream. She asked what kind I wanted and I said,''Grandpa's favorite.'' He will never be forgotten by me or my grandchildren or children, my parents either. Take care. I understand your feelings.Things are a little hard for me with the anniversary coming up.We are here for you.

Oct 29, 2011
Our shield and our sword
by: Zoe

We lived blessed lives didn't we Hope
Our beloved protected us they fought the battles we did not even consider (such as tarps or doors bring ripped off)
Now that is gone
You are not a schmuck, you simply are holding people to the standard by which Paul lived his life
And they give is comfort don't they, these people who step up and say poor widow let me help you.
They cannot help us to help us they would bring back our beloved.
Call your insurance company get them moving, if what he did has caused problems then call the guy and ask him if he understands the implications of a civil suit. Call the BBB
Report him, this is not friendship this is business
You have a head for it
My John would have been up there with your Paul fixing things that need to be done
We have lost our shield and our sword
We now have to take ip fights we never even knew we would be fighting
Listen for a minute you will hear Paul whispering in your ear giving guidance
Because as you are always Mrs Holt
He is always your Paul
You know how to get me if you need me
One step one breath one day at a time

Oct 29, 2011
A trusting smuck again
by: M Mack


You are just like me. I trust everyone and can't believe a promise would be broken so easily. So I keep the light burning and have optimistic hope. My love never broke a promise either- he'd do one better than the promise and enjoyed my reaction and happiness.

As I read and write this the news is on the kitchen TV and a story catches my attention. A young high school girl is murdered and her classmates are all crying. As her friends are interviewed each one said that she was someone they can talk to and trust. She was understanding of their problems and always tried to make her friends feel better.

Now I'm distracted and off track to what I really wanted to say but I think it's close to my original thought. People are all made different and life circumstances effect each individual. So many are considerate, polite and caring but then you have the lazy ones, effort is too much for them- no drive to put a smile on some ones face and relieve their pressure.

I believe individuals are put here for a reason. When we are shown kindness, we feel it. I have been changed just knowing my soulmate and so were you. Although we can't fix a roof (maybe we can) we leaned to trust in promises and good words. Don't let this guys promise deter you from allowing others to be good doers. They are out there and if you found one good doer before in Paul, you will notice it in someone else again.

Our loss made us who we are - so use it as an experience of a lifetime. God Bless us all to move forward and learning how to love and recognize good when we see it. Take care.

Oct 29, 2011
Once a Smuck????? No Way!
by: TrishJ

Oh Hope~
Everything that has happened to me since Joe passed away has seem to be intensified times 10. I'm living in total fear of moving forward. I have no desire to. I have so much drama going on in my life and without him here things just seem hopeless. I drift through the days. Nothing makes me happy. I just want to feel excited about something again.
You're not a smuck. Like you said there are those a**holes out there that are looking to take advantage of someone. They have no conscience. It just seems so much worse without Paul here. There is nothing worse than a leaky roof.
At this point in my life I keep telling everyone I have no desire to have a relationship with a man again. It seems to get worse every day. The loneliness is overwhelming at times.
I've had terrible times of backsliding. My daughter's wedding day was very next to impossible. It's over. It was nice and she was glowing. Instead of focusing on the joyous occasion all I could think about was getting through the day without humiliating myself. When the pastor got the the part of, "And those who are no longer with us but with us in spirit..." I almost threw up. Seriously.
I wonder why this pain continues. The intensity doesn't seem to lift at all.
Hope...eternally optimistic. How can we be optimistic with our hearts breaking every day?
We'll find a way. There has to be a way. I hope Hope, that it will happen out of the blue when we least expect it. Maybe if we stop focusing on it so much it will happen??
We were both married to very strong and loving men and they married strong women. Somehow......

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