A Very Lonely Christmas

by Mary
(Ocean, New Jersey)

I lost my loving husband,Gene on Dec.8,2010, although this is actually my second Christmas without him, this was much harder than last year. I think I was just numb, last Christmas, but I have now realized how lonely the holidays can be. Although I was able to spend time with my daughter and grandchildren, it was just very lonely and sad, for all of us. I am happy the day is almost over. In the past our Christmas was always fun filled. But now I know things will never be the same. In the past few years I have lost my only sister, my brother-in-law and my daughter has gone through a divorce, and now I am without the love of my life. The person that completed me, that loved me no matter what and filled our home with love and laughter. I am so very sad and so lonely. It is so hard to try to create a new life for myself, to spend so much time alone. I am fortunate to have wonderful family and friends that have been so supportive, but I really don't think anyone knows what it is like to lose a soulmate unless they have gone through the experience. I wasn't prepared and am still stumbling. I know my Gene is with God and has celebrated Christmas in heaven, but I miss him so very much. My heart has a huge hole in it that will never close. Gene, I love and miss you. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Merry Christmas in Heaven.

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Dec 26, 2011
Difficult Christmas..
by: Vickie

Dear Mary,

I just finished reading your story. I am truly sorry for your loss. I believe that there are several people here that can tell you that the second year is even more difficult. I am not trying to add to your pain and suffering. I lost my 26 yr. old daughter nearly two and a half years ago. This year was my third xmas without her. I made it through better than I had thought. Don't misunderstand me-I definitely Missed her, but it was less stressful than the first two. My reason for telling you that the second year seems to be more difficult for many of us-is, that possibly you can be better prepared, if that even makes any sense. I had thought that the second year would be a bit easier. What I discovered was that it was actually harder at times-not always. I realized that the shock had worn off and the routine of life comes back to you and the reality of you loss becomes even more real. If someone had told me, or I had come to this site sooner than I think it would have helped me. I am in my third year and it is still hard, but I have found myself feeling like doing old things I once enjoyed and feeling small bits of happiness again. My life will Never be the same but I am only forty-nine and I may live to be an old woman. I have cried enough tears to fill a thousand oceans and my heart will never be fully mended. Nothing good ever comes from losing a loved one, but the only thing I feel that I can posssible do, is to tell others that there are better days ahead. Your life has changed and NO one chose to be here-a club that none of us want to be members of. Until it is our time to go- we have to do the best we can. Just know that you aren't alone. I agree that unless someone has lost their spouse, or child there is no way they can fully understand the magnitude of pain your are enduring. Keep coming here and remember 'WE' do understand. God Bless You.

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