A Very Unhappy Single Person
by Donald Hahn
(El Mirage, AZ.)
It all began in December of 2008. My wife was having trouble swallowing. After some tests she was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. We got her into the Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Goodyear, AZ. It had just opened up. The first year was pretty much chemo and radiation. They wanted to take it slow because she had Scleroderma. So after the treatments she was tested and they found cancer only halfway down her esophagus. They sent her to the CTCA in Zion, Illinois for a procedure called Brachy Therapy. She had 4 treatments. After the 4th treatment they told us that her results were the best they had seen. 6 months later she started having trouble putting thoughts into words so I took her to Dell Webb Hospital in Sun City. The found out that it had spread to her brain and needed to do surgery right away so they did. 1 ½ months later it had grown back to its original size. The surgeon was astonished at how fast it grew back. They did more radiation but it did little. She passed away in January 2011.
I went to Griefshare at a local church for about 7 sessions. I felt that it helped but I really really missed all the love I once had but lost. We had a really good marriage. So I started looking on the dating sites in hopes of getting into another relationship. I must have tried 8 of them with no luck at all. I almost got scammed about 5 times. And some of the sites are no better. So I decided to try to get away from the dating sites for a while. I took a vacation in July and it turned out really lousy. I had all this time to think and miss. I never though I would hear myself say this but I was really glad to get back to work. I told myself that on my next vacation, which is in October, I'm going to volunteer at my church or something but I'm not going through that again.
I still miss my wife so much. I miss all the hugs, and kisses, and love. I miss having a women in my life so much I don't know how to put it into words. I am single now and I hate it. I fall in love everyday with different girls I see while at work or just out shopping. I feel like the best thing to do right now is to try to get girls out of my mind for a while. But how do I stop thinking about something I miss so very very much. I kind of feel like I should go to see a therapist. I hope all the married men out there realize just what they have because I sure realize what I had and I miss her so much.