a world without my sister-inconceivable

My sister,my only sibling,15 month older than me died suddenly and unexpectedly 3 month ago through a cancer that spread aggressively. She called and asked me to fly to take her to doctors,b/c of pain in her legs and the fear of falling,and trusting me only to accompany her. When I flew from USA back home she was already in a hospital,on a respirator.I got to talk to her the first two days,do her nails,comb her hair ,apply some light make up (she was always known for her beauty)
I was certain she will pull through with my love and devotion,despite discouraging remarks from the doctors. Miracles happen. no?!
But the only miracle that happenned was that I could hold her in my arms for 7 days,never having left the hospital. kiss and hug her,massage aching body,breath every breath with her.And birth her to her new life.
The first month after her death,though I felt the acute pain in my chest-I could easily cope with reality. Bought a plot of land,organized the funeral,than a memorial celebration marking 30 days of grief, back in USA.
# weeks ago I flew back to take care of paper work,and her apt,part of which was broken in -I was in the apt ,but she was not there. A deep sadness descended on me.This heavy cloud refuses to lift.
Every decision seems monumental.And the world looks scary without my beautiful,wise sister to talk to.
Of course I forget all the fights and sibling rivalry we had- all I want is to make a phone call and hear her voice.
And often I will dial absentmindedly her number.
My friends say: respect your pain. You earned it.
I could not imagine her not living till her nineties, and hoping she'll outlive me.But now I am doomed to live without her. How is it possible,my fellow club members?!

Comments for a world without my sister-inconceivable

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 18, 2013
by: Anonymous

IM So sorry for your loss my sister is gonna die soon shes dying of cancer she was my first friend and just dont know what im gonna do in this world without her bossing me around

Dec 13, 2012
Sorry for your broken wings

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss of your friend and beloved sister. I lost my identical twin sister 8/26/11 and I to was able to breathe those breaths of the seven days and was holding her hand when she left this world . I hope you find comfort in those things as i did. I know now. Those moments were precious.. My heart goes out to you and hope you can find peace friend.

Dec 12, 2012
Inconceivable too
by: Olga

I lost my only sister last Oct 30th. She suffered for five weeks after a misdiagnosed punctured bowel which degenerated into sepsis. She just slowly slipped away. She had no chance to say goodbye to me or her three beautiful daughters as they put her in a ventilator in the last week. It's been 6 weeks now and I still burst in tears whenever I see her photograph in my desk. I refuse to let go and write to her every night. She was not only my sister, she was my best friend. I miss her so much it hurts all the time. I promised her I would take care of her three girls and their children but I'm really a mess myself. I try to keep myself busy, but when I'm alone or in bed it is very painful.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Sibling.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!