by Terri
(Marietta GA)

I am a year and a half into this "grieving process" and I miss him as much today as the day he died. I thought that as time passed it would get easier. I can't say that it is. It may be different than it was in the beginning but not easier. You would have never convienced me that I would miss my husband of 31 years this much, at times I considered divorce, at times I wanted to stangle him but now that he is gone I miss him more than words can explain. I don't write this to discourage others who may just be starting this process but it is the truth. Yes Grief Share helps. It allows you to talk about it when you know everybody else is sick to death of hearing about it. At this point I think that this is just the way my life is going to be and I now have to learn to accept it and move on. I pray each and every day that God will send someone into my life that will help me move on but I just don't forsee that ever happening. I cant stand myself how would I expect someone to love me. Despite all of his many faults I know for sure that he loved me and was there for me when I needed him to be. I don't have that anymore and I miss it dearly.

Comments for A YEAR AND 1/2 LATER

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Sep 18, 2012
Over the 2yr. mark...... and still no end in sight
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your husband suddenly from a motor cycle accident. I am only 4 1/2 months into my grief after losing my husband to cancer. I still can't believe my loss having been married 44yrs. I just don't know how I am going to get through the months ahead. When I look back I can't believe I did the funeral and all the arrangements and I managed to sort out all the beuracracy that comes with death. I had to deal with irate family over the type of funeral they wanted and when this would be. But I did it. I even got Police support for the harassment. But it was stress I didn't need. I know what you mean about having to handle everything yourself without support.
Because you are having a hard time at work. DO WHAT YOU FEEL IN YOUR HEART!. There is nothing worse than working in an unhappy environment with all the changes taking place in the Health Sector. If you are struggling with your grief try and get some grief counselling. This will allow you the space to talk out your feelings in a safe and supportive environment. You will be surprised how quickly your world will change. Often the problems you are dealing with now will not seem so large and problematic. You may even see things differently and people around you may even respond to you differently. In which case your world will change for the better. If it doesn't you will be in a better frame of mind to decide what you do want to do with your life. It is not easy. I am in the same place as you are in. The problem I have is because I am grieving my behaviour is different and people are different around me. Often they don't know what to say, and many walk away and I am wondering why after the funeral this happens. Grief changes us. Into what?? I don't know. I am just more subdued. People perhaps can't handle the new me. I am getting used to this new revelation and not taking it too seriously. If people around me change I just let them get on with it and I don't take it personally. It helps somewhat. I am retired and so don't work. But when I feel better I will go back into voluntary work. It was my best experience in life. If you feel like eating just now. DO IT! Don't deny yourself anything right now. FOOD IS A COMFORT. But this is part of your grief. It won't always be this way. REMEMBER THIS. Things do change in time. When you look back you will see what you have been through as being Positive and just a part of this changing world we live in. Our painful part is having to ADAPT to our new environment, and our new life without our partner. Death alters our life into CHANGE and CHANGE is what we don't want. You will eventually work things out. But for now Be at PEACE where you are at. Each new day changes and we will change with each new day till we find ourselves in a more comfortable and acceptable place to be.

Sep 17, 2012


Sep 14, 2012
Over the 2 yr mark and no end in sight.....
by: Tammy K.

2 yrs and 2 mos since my life was turne upside down. My husband went to work on his motorcycle and did not come home. He was killed by a heroine addict while enroute to a dairy farm after 3 pm in the afternoon. He was hit directly going down a mtn and was thrown over the side of it. He as pronounced dead on the scene. Sometime after 6 pm the officer from the local sheriff's dept came to my door and delivered the news. I was alone and family was approx. 1/2 hr - 2hrs and a daughter that had just moved to Texas, many hrs from WV. However the officer he kept saying" dont you have anyone that you can call, neighbors? I looked around and no one was home. I had to call family members and tell them to come to my home. With many battles already fought, others are still pending. I was thrown into an incompetent bureaucratic nightmare. I have taken alot of responsibility on myself due to others being not helpful and not knowing what to do or given false inforamtion via many sources including the federal goverment entities. I live his loss everyday and ran on adrenaline for a long time, I had to work, it took over a yr to receive regular compensation for his loss. Now, I don't want to go back to work, it has changed since 2 yrs ago and I do not want to deal with the stress and the incompetent supervisors, I am an occassional par-time RN at a local hospital full of heroine/drug addicts and addicted babies. I recently slammed the coordinator of the unit for texting me on a wkly, at times daily basis. When you are a nurse, it is never ending with calls, and now text msgs, I do not think that those above her know she is doing this. Yes I know it would get my mind off of things but cannot handle the changes and cut backs that have occurred and I am sick to death of healthcare...Sorry just go carried typing away. I have gained more weight, I binge eat at times to deal with my loss. I feel that food is all I have at times...a destructive source of comfort. It does not feel like two yrs to me, the pain is still there.

Sep 13, 2012
a yr and a 1/2 later
by: silver

Terri I have almost reached 16 months since my love left.One thing that has amazed me is how many people have married their soul mate. To me this is the one person you will put up with and who will put up with you with the utmost love.No matter what. I met my husband 4 yrs before we married and we stayed married 33yrs and 1 week. I just wrote a note of how sometimes I feel dead inside.Every now and then I turn around and for a split second expect him to be there. I would keep all the occasional troubles and more if I could just have him back.Since that can't happen,I am trying to find other ways to cope. I am 4'10" and weight over 230# There are times I feel so ugly and feel no one could ever want to see me as a part of a couple. This one sweet old lady friend told me that one day I would meet someone who would love me.I hope she is right as I get so lonely sometimes.Like you, right now I can't see that happening.I'm still so much in love with my husband.I do a lot of crying,but I am trying other things to learn to cope.I begin sessions with a grief group this week.Please don't do what I did and make yourself physically sick with grief. I am also going to go to the senior center to see what they have available. I used to work in a nursing home and as soon as I get well,I'm going to go once a month and visit.GOD bless you and give you strength to go on.As Judith in California said,each day is different. Today might not be so good but maybe tomorrow will be better. P.S. When I can't stop crying I come here and read about others who hurt as bad or worse than me.

Sep 12, 2012
A Year and 1/2 later
by: Doreen U.K.

Terri thank you for your honesty in telling your story. It doesn't discourage me. It is an honest account of your story. You will be surprised at how many people will identify with you. We live in a fallen world and will even have struggles in marriage. There is no perfect life. We are all fractured. WE all say things we wished we had never said, and wished we had said things that is too late now to say to our loved ones who have died. THIS IS LIFE. Our grief makes us feel this way. Our grief will even cause us to question many things about our life.
Terri you said that you don't expect anyone to live with you because you can't stand yourself. Reverse what you say. Find some way of encouraging yourself. Perhaps learn a craft or anything that will build up your self esteem. Learn to love yourself and build yourself up. Build on this. When you say that you ask God to put someone else into your life. Expect this. Don't say You can't see this happening. If you can't see this happening. It probably won't. If you believe in God. Go to church. Build a network of friends. In time you will be happier. You will find purpose in life. You are not going through anything that others are not facing also with grief. We are all having to learn to accept our new way of life. But it takes time. Don't rush your grief. Grief happens in stages and the stage we are in will take time to move forward from. It even takes time to accept our husband has gone. It takes time to move forward. God will bring people into your life. BELIEVE THIS. If you doubt, God will not HONOUR DOUBT. God honours FAITH. Believe you will get what you ask for and then WAIT ON GOD. It is the waiting that is hard. We are impatient to move forward out of our grief and live a normal life. IT WILL HAPPEN. In God's time. If you would like to you can email me doreenelkington@aol.com.for support. Life will improve for you, me, and everyone else on this site who is going through grief and loss. May God comfort you and all of us in our grief and lonliness, and give us all PEACE in our PAIN.

Sep 12, 2012
Happily Even After
by: Janet

Terri, there is a book available called "Happily Even After" by Carole Brody Fleet, who also wrote "Widows Wear Stilettos. If you have not read it, I recommend it. I am reading it slowly. I am just 10 months and 11 days on this journey. One of the many things I have learned is that we all grieve differently.

When the time is right you will find that special someone when you least expecct it. I hate the words "move on" because to me it means leaving behind what we had together as a couple. I do not believe I will move on nor do I thnk I will recover from this journey. I have to work our way through my grief and move forward.

Peace and hope to you. Hope Matters.

Sep 12, 2012
Two Years for me
by: Judith in California

Terri, I so understand. It will be two years for me on the 14th of Sept. and I think now it's come to the lonliness part really hard. I so miss being loved back, being told I'm special by my love , not being looked at in that special way that says "Gee I'm so lucky".
The special holiday cards and Anniversaries to share and receive little tokens of our love. YES, it's lonely and I figure that when God feels I'm really ready he will send someone along but I know for now I'm no way emotioinally ready as I still love Chuck so much. I dreamt of him last night and we had moved into the house where I grew up and we were so happy. I hated to wake up to the cold hard fact WE, US is gone except in my mind.
We just have to not loose hope that we will be okay. Most days I am but this is one we're not. Maybe tomorow.

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