by Judy
(Rockledge FL)

This business of living solo in this world is causing me endless frustration. Let's just forget I am lonely. I am having trouble doing even routine household maintenance that was a snap for the two of us together. I have been trying for three weekends to install a towel bar-simple job, right? Drill four holes, insert the anchors that came in the box, put up the bracket, tighten the screws, snap on bar viola! Three weekends later I have four holes, five anchors dropped behind the drywall, and one screw stuck in the anchor which has now pulled out of the wall. I even bought myself a drill for this job. If I just had someone to hold the screw straight while I got it started... The list is endless-I can't reach the light bulbs in teh ceiling fans so several are burnt out. Ditto the lights in the bathroom. I can't hold the stove up off the floor while I adjust the footing so it will sit evenly. I can't turn on the hose in front of the house and handle the other end so it doesn't go shooting all over my wooden patio chairs and picture window in my front courtyard. I can't hose off the back screened in porch and sweep the excess water out the door at the same time, thus preventing it from pooling on the tile and causing a slippery pathway to the back door! This sounds funny when I read it but it is not funny. As I write this I am soaked through by the aforementioned attempt to hose off the front courtyard. I've thought about getting a handyman for some of these jobs but handymen don't hoseoff patios etc. I have a honey-do list. I'm just missing the honey. I can't believe I am this incompetent!


Comments for Aagh!

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Apr 20, 2011
by: Joss

Well Ladies, for the first time since my honey passed away you have managed to bring a smile to my face and even a chuckle. I too am going through the same problem and I am pretty handy around the house but when it comes to plumbing issues well that's another problem and guess what went after Gary died, you guessed it the toilets, first time I had to call a plumber well you know how much they charged, so about 3 days ago when my other toilet got clogged I said no way, so I went to home depot and got a snake, I don't know how many times I asked for Gary's guidance and cursed that miserable cancer that took him away from me and I cried so hard but I managed. We are all in the same boat but we'll learn (I hope). Keep trying is what we have to do. God bless all of you dear friends.

Apr 18, 2011
by: Judith in California

It seems that when my husband passed a lot of things went wrong at once. AS if the Lord said well you must now learn to do and learn you will. The first thing I learned and was not good at is "asking for help". WE must let go and ask. I fixed the lights, the toilets, and small stuff but when the garbage disposal went I had no choice. Then when the carpet was damaged from rain I had no choice but to ask again.

WE don't know that there are many nice folks who are willing to help if we just ask.

Apr 18, 2011
Don't give up
by: Anonymous

I just stumbled across this site.
Your words reminded me of a conversation
I just had with my Mother...
(My Father recently died.)
Mom keeps getting angry at Dad for leaving
her behind to fix everything that keeps breaking.
I guess I have been ignoring her cry for help.
In reading "AAAGH" I hear God speaking to my
heart "GO, do something!"
Yes LORD, today I will!
May God bless and help each of you!
Count your blessings...
Live one day at a time...
Your never alone. God is right there with you.
Here is a site I have found helpful in dealing with loss and grief. It may help you too.
You can sign up for a daily e-mail.
God bless you and keep you. (Also, thank you.)

Apr 18, 2011
by: Anonymous


You are not alone in your frustration. Finally finishing a paint job in the living room I began to put the tools and mess away until the next job. The day was very windy and when the door began to bang open and pull out of my hand repeatedly I took another look. Sure enough the piston looking thing that lets the door slowly close was pulled off. Ah so that was the screw that was on the floor that looked important!

I dropped the screws several times trying to fix it and in the end the holes are too big after repeated jeri rigging. I need to take it off and put it mid door to repair it. This means choosing a drill bit slightly smaller than the screw. But one that will fit in the slot.
Where is my honey to call? I have never used a drill for anything but putting in screws.

I cannot keep calling my brothers for every little thing that needs doing. I need to learn by my mistakes to be self sufficient. Some thing do seem over whelming though. I usually end up in a heap several times mumbling to myself "I don't want to be the man of the house!"

We will have repair jobs. We will have to assemble things and after it is all over we will have pride at having done so. It is frustrating to be sure. But I think, there are single moms and single women who have taken care of their selves all along. I guess I will have to join the group of self sufficient women who...
Need no one?

I do not like the idea of being alone and capable it feels lonely. But for now we must be strong and learn new things, take a chance that we will screw it up. It will take 3 X as long as it should but in the end we will be left with pride.
And that goes along way in the grief journey.

You are not alone, I am frustrated too. The lawn mower will not start and 50 other things that have to be faced and conquered. Keep writing so that I know that I am not all by myself facing independence. One day, or so I hope we will be proud of what we faced. All my best...

Apr 17, 2011
by: jules

Judy - I know what you mean - the most mundane things, that John would have done in an instant, I have no idea even how to start doing them. I had to fix something to my front doorway the other day - knew what had to be done, just couldn't think how to go about doing it - I am very lucky in that my over the road neighbour Oscar will come and help me with things like that - or my clothes would still be all over the wardrobe floor because the rod kept falling down -
Trouble is there aren't too many Oscars around, and his wife Trudy encourages him to help me - they are lovely, and I am lucky to have them.

But the feeling of being almost useless with these small jobs is frustrating. It is one of the things that makes you feel so alone I think.

But - every day, one step, one breath
take care

Apr 17, 2011
Double Aagh!!
by: TrishJ

I miss my honey too. Today I took my little grandsons to an Easter egg hunt. Everyone was hungry afterward. We went to a nice restaurant ~ good burgers. It must've been at the table behind me ~ I heard ~ what are you gonna have honey? My heart stopped. The voice sounded just like Joe's ~ that's exactly what he always said to me. It threw me right out of my good mood. I'm home now drinking wine having another melt down. Every time I think things are moving forward ~ it just takes a simple little thing like what happened today.
I'm having trouble just coping with the routine of living right now. My first car repairs after Joe's death sent me over the edge. I could imagine him looking down and saying, "He charged you how much.......are you crazy?" Everything I do, I don't know if it's right. He always took care of all those things. Yikes. Some days it seems like it's getting worse instead of better.
Take care. We're all in this together. You are brave to tackle a towel rod.
Peace and love.

Apr 17, 2011
me too!
by: Lisa

You are not alone in feeling incompetent and I am also feeling overwhelmed. Mike did all the house repairs (small scale anyway) as well as the gardening...so I am left to do it all and not very well. At some point the handyman route is the one I will have to take but in the meantime I am forcing myself to tackle what I can. I have to put blinds up that mysteriously fell down while I was with Mike in FL - they'd been up for years! Your story has me believing mine will be similar.
Hang in there - we can always commiserate together ;-)

Apr 17, 2011
by: M Mack

You are a handylady "in training" and everything you've attempted to do alone isn't easy. Have you thought about renting a small pressure washer for the patio? Maybe you can get a high school kid to help you out for a few hours with the cleaning up outside ..... Don't beat yourself up on this stuff. It'll all be there so let it wait until you have help.

You're doing a good job and have conquered the worst part of being alone. You're mentally stronger and more independent.
I think you've done pretty well in the emotional department and you've got a handle on it. What worries me is the drill???? What's next a saw??? Don't push yourself too
much. You'll get it soon enough with your up and at it spirit. You are a good example of an independent handlady! Hugs and prayers to continue the journey in peace.

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