Abandoned Once More

by linda wilson

Eight months after the death of my wonderful husband, I began to experience the searing pain of loneliness.

Through the early months, I'd felt very little emotion. I realise now I was in a state of shock, and the pain was yet to come. And when it arrived, I was engulfed with misery.

So at first, when a man, much younger than myself, but an old friend of my daughter, started to pay me subtle compliments, I didn't even notice. Gradually though, I began to look forward to his phone calls, and the sudden unexplained visits.

Not just looking forward to the attention, but willing it to happen, as if I was a young girl, besotted with her first love. If a day went by without a phone call, I would be beside myself. I would listen for the sound of his car, pulling in to my driveway, and find myself blushing at the secret thoughts I was begining to entertain.

To my shame, I realised whole days would go by without even a single memory of my beloved husband. I was obsessed.

Much to my distress, the young man in question seemed to tire very quickly of this game before it actually became a reality, and the visits and phone calls grew less and less, until they were no more.

I took to driving past his flat, hoping in vain to catch a glimpse of what I considered to be my lost love. I phoned, but never got an answer. I was devastated. Oh, there's no fool like an old fool.

Several weeks down the line, I now realise what had happened to me, although I still don't understand his motives. I was so desperately trying to recapture the love I'd lost, when my husband died, that I was prepared to go to any lengths, however ridiculous or sad.

Comments for Abandoned Once More

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Dec 09, 2010
Abandoned another Concept
by: Judith

It's funny ...I never entertained the idea of being abandoned when my husband died 3 months ago. Now It sounds about right. Left alone in the world and no way of finding him again. And who are we to argue with God for taking them? Being left in this world with unfinished feelings for them never to be quieted. Life is not fair.

Aug 21, 2010
Don't belittle yourself
by: HH

We had IT. We all had someone that cannot be replaced in our hearts, and that yearning for what was is overcoming, Especially 8 mo or so later when it is so hard all over again. We want what we had but our hearts are not healed or ready to start again. Do not feel foolish, you merely wanted what you had. We all do and its hard because it is gone.

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