Abandonment and loss of "living".

by Jean

5 years ago my boyfriend and I became domestic partners. Things where good and comfortable, we adopted a dog and we dreamed of vacations and activities to do together. Then alcoholism hit him and the news of a child he never knew about. I was loving and supportive through the whole thing. At his darkest time and a few trips to the hospital, I used my credit card to send him to inpatient treatment. He healed meriaculosly and is growing stronger as a person everyday. But he is growing is away from me. He got an amazing job (that i helped him find and encouraged him he was good enough to get it) traveling for a year. But 9 months ago, during his time away, he wants not not come back to our home and move to new York to bigger and better things. (not to mention that i wanted to move there and he never wanted to) Leaving me with our old life, bills and dog. I feel so abandoned. He sends me some $ each month to cover the minimum payment of the debt but at that rate it will take forever to dent the debt. I have lost all zest for life and am tired all the time. I try to take care of myself but I'm so exhausted. I have tried dating but it only makes things worse. No one understands my loss because they vilify him because of the alcoholism and celebrate that he is gone. I miss my partner and really hate this feeling of a new life stuck in an old shell; and I'm not about get rid of all my belongings and my dog. I really need to find the strength to do some laundry and cook dinner. This is also compacted with a few other losses. Job was restructured with a new unqualified supervisor (ugh), I took on having a roommate to help with rent and my health needs lots of attention with a nutritionally dense diet (boy does that take work). My life is not bad by any means, it's just crazy how things can affect you. I have spent most of my life living and traveling alone so I'm pretty independent but once I got a taste of sharing life with someone it tiring to go back, specially now I'm getting older. Thanks for reading and best wishes on your own journey.

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