Abuse, love & massive grief
I was with Jeff for 2&1/2 years. We started dating 2weeks after he and his ex wife decided to get a divorce. Our relationship had many ups and downs. He never dealt with the feelings of his divovce. He was loving yet abusive. We got to a piont in our relationship when moving in together seemed like the right idea. Don't get me wrong. Jeff did love me but his love came at a price. He had so many demons inside him and fequntly took it out on me. I loved him with my whole heart regardless of his abuse. When our realionship was good it was the most amazing love i ever had but when it was bad it became violent. Some times I did hate him and even wished him dead. I never really ment it!! It came to a point that I couldn't take it anymore. I moved out. Our break up didn't last long. He was with me the first night in my new place and everyday after that until he died a month 1/2 later. The last 2weeks of his life was totally different. Jeff poured his heart our to me. Expressing his love to me everyday and so affectionate. We were so happy. The 2 days before his death he even talked about marriage! The day he died he attacked me again! I went to work trying to forget what happenend. I did what I useually did after a fight, I swore this was the last time. I didn't text or call him. The next day I broke down and texted him. I got no response and right then I knew something was wrong. That night his brother found him, he had been gone 24 hours. We worked together and always had people trying to interfere with our relationship. I've tried to return to work but I can't deal with what people are saying. People are actually saying that he killed himself because of me! The truth is he died of natural causes! I don't know what to do or how to feel. It's been 1 month and 2 days since he passed. I'm completely lost and devastated! I have been over this a thousand times in my head what I could have done different. What if I wouldn't have left would he still be here with me today?