Addiction to sex ruining my life


I have a serious problem, I am unable to stop my urge of visiting massage parlors in search of a sexual experience.

I have a Family of 4 years and they are not aware of my current activities nor is my wife aware of any of my previous history and struggle of dealing with a sex addiction.

I have been actively searching for sexual partners or experiences since i was around 12 years old with a deep sexual desire building up from viewing pornography from a young age.

I was constantly distracted in my latter years in high school and ended up dropping out due to drug and family problems.

Throughout my late teens and early 20's i spent a considerable time in night clubs first as a patron then eventually gaining work in the entertainment industry which allowed me to constantly be at clubs and afford to be out all the time.

Although my time working, drinking and socializing in clubs was well disguised my true agenda for always being out was to find sexual partners.

My constant quest was successful and I have had many one night stands and i estimate my sexual partners to total around 100 for the time i was 18 to 25 with relationships that would come and go.

During this time i have had a constant addiction to pornography, sometimes i will not view it for weeks, other times i will view it all night and even use it a a pick my up before leaving for work.

from the age of 26 i moved to a new city to start afresh and begin a new life style and this approach was some what successful for 2 or so years. I met my current wife and we have a beautiful daughter, I value this part of my life more than anything, my family is happy and well looked after but as mentioned above my wife has never known of my previous struggles with sex addiction.

I am now 3 years into a marriage and have been slowly drawn to online pornography again, so much so that i would classify it as an obsession. The use of porn convinced me that if i just simply act out my sexual fantasies with any working girl they may be fulfilled and i will no longer have the urge.

In theory this approach seemed sound, I was of the understanding that seeing a working girl or even visiting any of those establishments would be a pretty sad, degrading, embarrassing and or depressing experience.

And let me tell you it generally always is, but the compulsion to repeat the behavior remains, even though i know visiting a girl and living out a sexual fantasy will never be enough to satisfy me i seriously can not stop. this is where the ADDICTIVE behavior comes into play, It is a obsessive compulsive behavior that i force my self to act out even though I rationally understand that i am

- Hurting my family
- Wasting my family's money
- Loosing interest in work
- Have very little contact with friends
- Maintain poor health as a result of little self respect

I a taking small steps to stop improve my life for my Family. it will be a challenge, reading articles on this site has been constructive, i have NEVER told a soul of my experiences, no a friend, no online chatting, absolutely no one.

Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you

Comments for Addiction to sex ruining my life

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 17, 2013
Addiction to sex ruining my life
by: Anonymous

I have read all the replies and they are all very supportive and each in their own way tells a story of how this sex addiction is ruining your life. You say you started this sexual addiction at the age of 12yrs. There is a possibility that you have been sexually abused. Something in your young life has caused you to become a child addict.
There is a strong association between demonic possession and sexual addiction. This could be a STRONGHOLD in your case because of your description of your story. In this case don't rule out the Church playing the largest part in helping you out of this addiction.
Strongholds are just that passed down from generations where they become stronger and the person addicted feels they are going mad. They can't kick the habit and the URGES become so strong they CAN'T STOP. This is an area that few people know about. But they would need to talk to a pastor who specializes in a DELIVERANCE MINISTRY. Especially for a stronghold. The devil is out to destroy individuals and his greatest temptation is in the arena of SEX. This will destroy you. Please take it seriously and see all the comments here as balanced.
If you told your wife you may lose her. She may not be understanding. There is a strong degree of SHAME that comes with what you are doing. Seek therapy, counselling, and the Church. All play a part in your STRONGHOLD OF ADDICTION.

Apr 17, 2013
Advice from a massage girl

I use to work in a massage parlor, for 10 years. If it makes you feel any better there are Alot of men just like you. Sex addiction is a real addiction just like drugs or gambling. You get a high from it. Like any addiction therapy will help you the most. I know talking about this to a therapist is probably not something you want to do,but they deal with Alot of people just like you,theres nothing you can tell them that they havent heard before. Theres therapist that deal spefically in sex addiction,a quick google search will help you. That will honestly really work for you.. I also want to add,if it makes any difference in helping you stop,alot of massage parlor girls have std's,ive heard Plenty of stories of guys catching an std from massage girl and passing it to his wife,thats just not worth the risk and regrete youll feel if that happens. And massage girls know all the right things to do and say to keep you coming back. Repeat clinental is 80% of our business so getting a guy coming back is important. Everything the girl is saying to do or doing she's doing and saying to everyother guy. Its our job to make you feel special to give u what u cant get from your wife. Dont be too hard on yourself,its easy to get addicted to that. Who doesnt want a beautiful girl giving you all her attention and doing everything you say. At least you can admit you have a problem and want help for it. That makes you better then 90% of the guys out there.. If therapy isnt your thing, then try and think how you would feel if a hot young guy was fooling around with your wife. Im sure you know she doesnt deserve what your doing. She loves u and the massage girls dont give a crap about u. Theyll tell you what u want to hear to keep u coming back and giving them your money. Dont be a sucker for their game.. Figure out another way to get that feeling, to feel special. I know alot of guys who have gotten caught by their wives too,trust me when moneys not being accounting for women turn into detectives. Get out now while you havent been caught,go once in awhile,men deserve a treat sometimes but dont let those girls pull u into being a regular. They laugh at those guys behind their backs and brag about how they have these guys coming to see them all the time. Massage girls create a fantasy for u,its not real,they dont actually like u, no matter how much they seem to,all they like is your money. So dont fall for it,ok. Im sure i'll be judge,if anyone wants to comment on how im a whore,remember were here to give advice to this guy,so keep your judging to yourself.. I hope i was helpful.

Apr 01, 2013
Addiction to sex is ruining my life
by: Doreen U.K.

You have taken the first brave step into confessing what is going on in your life with addiction and how you are reaching out for help to stop this addiction.
Like all addictions you need support to break this habit. You cannot do this on your own in isolation.
Any addiction is hard to break. My addiction is SHOPPING. It is such a killer. But your addiction is serious from the point of view you will destroy yourself and your family. You can't afford to do this. I read self help books on alcohol addiction because my family member had this addiction. My son was addicted to watching pornography and he would get into all sorts of problems. He was desperate. He was single. All the time he was in contact with me and I would pray for him.
I told my son to simply CONFESS THIS WATCHING OF PORNOGRAPHY TO GOD AS A SIN. He then had to take steps to seek help from the Church and a Pastor and a prayer group. He then had to make a strong effort to rid himself of anything that could lead him into SIN again. NO MORE WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY. No more looking at pornography tapes and books. He had to CONFESS AND REPENT OF THIS SIN TO GOD ALL THE TIME. He had to phone a friend or PASTOR. GOD IS THE ONE WHO CAN SAVE YOU FROM THIS. Your part is to NOT OPEN THE DOOR TO THIS SIN. CLOSE THE DOOR ON PORNOGRAPHY. Don't visit bars and places where you can fall prey to this again.
You would be surprised to know that many a man is sitting in a church maybe a pastor or just church member and they are hiding this secret that is killing them.
I COMMEND YOU for writing here for help. Get into a good BIBLE BASED CHURCH. Search out Brian Houston on the God Channel in Australia and Plead to him. You can do this online. Sexual addiction is the surest way down to hell. Don't go there. When you have recovered and SAVED FROM THIS SEXUAL ADDICTION. You will be able to go in life to save others. Make it a ministry.
Put everything into your family. Work harder to do the right thing. Make a conscious decision to NOT GO THERE WHERE TEMPTATION IS.
You can then email me and I will Mentor you and each time you are in difficulty you can reach out to me and I will pray for you and encourage you to CHANGE YOUR LIFE AROUND. my email is May God help you to turn your life around and put the right people in your life to help you make the changes you need. May God also save you and your marriage and family. May you be destined for a better life and to do better by your family.

Apr 01, 2013
Dear Addicted,
by: Pat

I can see that you are very troubled by your problem. At least you admit you have a problem and need help. That's a start. You can see that it is serious. I am glad you reached out here, but you really need psychiatric and medical help. You will not be able to get a handle on this problem by yourself. It long ago took control of you. An addiction is a disease just like diabetes or any other medical problem. The issue with sexual addiction is that you could contract a serious STD of even AIDS. You should be tested right away. You could have some problem already that you might have passed on to your wife and even your child.

Keeping this hidden is not only eating you alive and not helping you to get control of it, but you are be hurting other people. See your doctor right away and be honest with him. The only way for you to get control of this is to confront it head on and face it. You could lose your marriage, but if you are honest with your wife and agree to seek help, possibly even family counseling, perhaps, your marriage can be saved. It all depends on how your wife and child react and how you approach this with them. Look at it from your wife's perspective. You married her without telling her you have had multiple sexual partners and an unresolved sexual addiction. You took advantage of her. I am trying not to be judgmental, but your entire marital relationship has been a lie. You must do the responsible thing before there is anymore damage.

I suspect that you never felt loved as a child or might have been sexually abused, as a child, or both. Your addiction indicates that you crave a special closeness that you probably never had as a child. You admit the problem is ruining your life. Before anything worse happens, please get help. Yes, you face the possibility of losing your family, but you are also slowly losing yourself by not facing this. I am sure you do not want your wife or child to find out about your problem from someone else who might see you in a massage parlor or wherever you might be to seek the attention you so desparately crave. Or they could even figure it our from your internet searches.

You are in a very difficult situation. You MUST GET HELP NOW AND FACE THIS NOW. I wish you the best. I hope you value yourself and your family enough to get this help. Pat

Apr 01, 2013
Oh yes . . . the devil has ahold of you!!!
by: Anonymous

Well, this does not just happen with men. It starts with this and leads to that and the next thing you know, there is no stopping it. The only thing that helped me was dragging myself into church every single Sunday for a dose of guilt to hold me off until the next Sunday when I would get another dose of guilt. It was a constant struggle but I started using church to replace "the urge" the best I could. I refused to miss a Sunday because I knew what that meant. All the hard work would be for nothing. After a year or so in church, I was finally able to talk to the pastor privately about my struggles. While I didn't get into all of the explicit details with him, I did still come clean the way I needed to. It really helped getting it out in the open to talk about it with him. I was too ashamed to discuss it with anyone else. I learned from him that pastors really do hear it all! I felt like I was the only sinner there, but, without disclosing names, he gave me an entire laundry list of struggles faced by others. It just affirmed what I already knew, we are all sinners! It's just a matter of which sin is going to entangle which person. After coming clean, we would meet periodically. He would also text during the week as a way to hold me "accountable" and to get me through until that Sunday. Eventually, I was able to rely less on Him and more on God through constant prayer. I also would read the Bible regularly. I will tell you one of the biggest part of the struggles for me . . . I didn't really want to stop. So why did I try? I don't want to go to hell. I don't want to live a life (or an eternity) as a slave to the devil. See, when we are doing those things, we are working for him (the devil) not Him (God). Ask God to release you from the devil's grip, ask Him again and again and again. Believe that He will. He has done it for me, He can do it for you. There is no sin that God has not seen and no sin that God cannot forgive.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Relationship.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!