Addictions, Cancer or Suicide

by Tanya

My brother has stage 4 brain cancer that is terminal. He wants to commit suicide and has pushed me out of his life so I now have to grieve. He is dead. We talked about the way he wants to die and that is by a gun and wanted me to get him one. I said no, I also discussed with him why he wanted to die so violently. He said he wants to die near the end when he gets really bad and cannot function, but I do not believe him. I said if it gets closer there are other ways that you could die other than by gun. Those words will haunt me, as he cling ed to that with me and wanted me to tell him a softer way. He then disowned me for not telling him the ways he said I was selfish. The death of my brother happened for me years ago, he was taken from me with his addictions and now the disease is going to kill him. This is about the lose of my big brother, I lost him years ago, got him back for a moment and let had to let him go again. His wishes. I love him and always will.

Comments for Addictions, Cancer or Suicide

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Nov 30, 2012
by: Doreen U.K.

Robin I am sorry for your loss of your 19yr. old son's death by suicide.
Most Suicide deaths need the support of a counsellor. This is a specialist area when one loses a child and also by suicide another specialist category.
My sister lost her son of 30yrs. when he threw himself in front of an express train. She had to have a counsellor come to her home to support her. She was in pieces and could not function. 5yrs. on she his smiling and happy again. But on the inside she will never get rid of the scars of her loss. This will remain FOREVER. But the pain has gotton less. She is supporting me through the loss of my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 7 months ago.
I can't imagine your pain at losing an Adult Child. I pray to God I never have to go through this. Losing my husband is the worst Grief I have ever gone through. To lose any one of my 3 Adult Children would finish me totally. Life will never be the same again when one of your children is missing from your life. You will feel so wounded.
Try a Counsellor and also write a Journal expressing all your feelings and emotions at losing your son. Also write in the form of letters to him. If you believe in God. Write your heartfelt prayers to God. Tell God every raw feeling and emotion you have. His loving arms of comfort will be wrapped around you and you will feel this warmth of his Love and Care for you. I don't know where else we can go with our grief but to God, because it hurts so much I couldn't survive without the support of God. Life is so empty and lonely now. May the peace and comfort of God be with you in your sorrow.

Nov 29, 2012
by: Robin

I lost my 19 year old son Kyle to suicide. He took his life in a chatroom online. What I wouldn't do to have him back. My life is so different now. I am so lost and sad inside. I see him in everything I do. He is there when I open my eyes in the morning and he's there every night when I go to sleep. In my mind I believe he's in a better place but my heart is so broken. I pray to find some peace but each day is like the one before and some days I don't want to wake up at all. I know that I have to move forward and accept the things I cannot change but I just feel so stuck.

Nov 29, 2012
Addictions, Cancer or Suicide
by: Doreen U.K.

Tanya I am so very sorry for your loss of your brother to addictions, the loss of him being terminal and the loss of relationship with a dying big brother.
You are a very caring and Brave woman to be where you are but also in turmoil. Being put in such a very difficult position.
My husband died of cancer 6 months ago. His personality changed and he was a different person. He upset me often and I had to let it go over my head and not affect my care of him. Your big brother's cancer is affecting his mind, his decisions, his anger, and his feelings.
My nephew 30yrs. of age 5 years ago threw himself in front of an express train. He also chose a very violent way to die. I can't understand why. Perhaps the depth of one's ANGER.
My husband Steve was a very placid, passive gentle man who turned ANGRY after he got Cancer and knew he was going to die and could do nothing about this. It is right that we live by the CHOICES we make. It is more painful for the family members to behold such destructive behaviour towards himself. The pushing you away from him if you don't do what he says, which will leave you holding a lot of guilt. This is very CRUEL. You don't need this. Speak to a counsellor in order to get a better perspective on the situation for your own peace of mind and so you don't end up suffering misplaced Guilt. I had to watch my husband daily for 3yrs. slowly die and be angry, sad, unhappy, want to die quickly and get it over with. My heart breaks for us all in what we have to go through in this cruel world full of sorrow and Pain and loss.

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