Addictions kill and hurts everyone

My name is Joanna and I'm twenty four. Too make my long life story short, I will get to the point. I come from an immediate family with mental illness and addictive personalities. I too suffer from depression and anxiety, but have had it under control. About one year ago, our family found out my oldest sister whom has six kids was using heroin on a daily basis, and her children were immediately removed. I already have two young sons and was living in a two bedroom apartment with my kids and my fiancé. Then I was asked by dcfs to take the three youngest of my nieces and nephew. It's been almost a year and I still have them. Since then we rented a single family home to fit all seven of us. The older three kids went to live with my disabled parents. Well two months ago, my dad died unexpectedly on his 60 th birthday. I was devastated, and it just started to function on my normal routine. My father suffered from a long time addiction with alcohol and we believe that's what ultimately caused his demise. I just started to get back into a regular routine again and put the pieces back together for the kids I have to take care of. Now just yesterday I got a horrible phone call from my mother pleading with god to take her away, my heart sank. I asked her and said, who. Who was it now. She said my brother had just passed away from an overdose of many drugs, whether it was intentional or accidental, we will never know. I am losing all my faith in god and don't know what to believe anymore. I have to stay strong for these give young children and for my mom. My heart is broken because of these tragedies and on top of that my sister is still using heroin and not even attempting to get her children back. I'm glad I found this website, and it feels good that other people can relate in some way.

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Aug 18, 2014
God is all we have
by: Matt

Please do not give up, especially on God. Without God, we can not feel love. You have people in your life who need you, they need your love, like you, they need God. God does not make these things happen, humans do. With all of our frailties, we strive to live to each day. Live each day with the promise to love, to laugh to live. Life is hard, be stronger.

May 24, 2014
Addictions kill and hurts everyone
by: Doreen UK

Joanna you are in such a difficult place right now with immense responsibilities for your Mom and your sister's children. You must try and get some support and not try to handle everything by yourself, otherwise you will run yourself down. Having a plan in place and a good support structure will go some way forward in helping you to cope with your heavy load.
Addiction is so hard to recover from. But not impossible with God's help and intervention. WE can all lose our FAITH at some time in our life. I did when I prayed for my husband to be healed from cancer and he died 2yrs. ago. My anger has gone now and a part of my grief. You will get your Faith back in God. Who else do we have on this earth who can carry our heavy burdens and give us the strength to go on in life. God can help us all with our addictions and life issues, but often we end up suffering the CONSEQUENCES of the CHOICES, and DECISIONS we make in life. God is not responsible for the wrong choices we make but God can turn them around if we ask him. But it is hard work IN PRAYER.
I have suffered depression all my life and went into counselling in my 40's and resolved a lot of losses that I now have my life back. I then gave 8yrs. in voluntary work to Mental Health. I have a wide knowledge and experience in Mental health issues and know how difficult this is for families to live with. God delivered me from my Mental Health issues and allowed me the knowledge and skills to support others. My heart breaks for people in this position struggling with depression and Mental Health issues. Stay Close to God and DON'T GIVE UP! God is our deliverer, and our strength. He is our Hope in a world that is hard to live in. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. Do what you have to. Don't neglect your own needs. Don't carry your sister's burden of addiction. Just support her the best way you can personally and by caring for her children. This is all you can do. You have to look after yourself. So many people depend on you, so take time out to nurture yourself, however you do this. May God be close to you all as a family and give you the comfort, from the loss of your father, and brother, and the Peace to go on each day with Hope. Believe things will get easier with God on your side. Remember we all have our human limitations.

May 23, 2014
Thank you
by: Joanna

I'm sorry for both of your losses as well. Addiction and mental illness are both a terrible disease especially when combined. It's so terrible how two of my immediate family members died, and I'm not too superstitious but I'm afraid it comes in threes. Like I said my mother is very depressed and I'm so worried for her and my other sister is still on heroin and we have all her children. I can't lose my mom, and I only hope my sister opens her eyes after seeing what happened to my brother. I'm taking it day by day considering this just happened 2 days ago. My brothers service is on Tuesday and today was the last chance to see his body before cremation, but I can't have that last picture of him be that. I will lose it. Thank you again for support

May 23, 2014
Dear Joanna
by: Maryann

Dear Joanna,

I feel your pain! I just turned 55 and have lost two husbands to suicide. My first husband of 13 years drank himself to death and my second husband of 18 years died 2 1/2 months ago from a self inflicted gunshot to his chest. He was way in back of a shed on his mother's property and wasn't found for a whole month! We had been separated exactly 1 year to the day that he did it. He had been very depressed and had a prescription pain killer addiction. Now I live with my parents, both in their 80's and legally blind. They need me but I know I need them more. My biggest fear is losing either one of them because right now I don't think I could bare it. There are no words anyone can say to help our situations. I've been reading and posting on this site for about a month and have found it helpful to know I'm not alone. Grief is a very lonely process. It's so unpredictable. A lot of people here say it will never end but will get easier to live with as time passes. I hold onto that every day. I pray you find peace and God bless you :)

May 23, 2014
by: Anonymous

You know people don't want to be addicted. But they try something that makes them feel better, and then their brain craves it after awhile. Some brains are more wired to addiction than others. After a bit its not a choice. I wish there was some easy way to cure people from this disease. I'm sorry for your losses, and for the burden of your life. I feel for you and your mom as well. I also lost my son to heroin. Its been a little over a year, and I still miss him terribly. I wanted him to get better and live a normal life. But for people who are addicted, thats not possible. Even for those who get treatment, its still a lifelong struggle. Stay as strong as you can for those kids and for your mom. And I know you have a tuff road as well. Take care

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