After 26 years
by Jane Doe
We met when I was 14 and he was 16 our families grew up together so we spent a lot of time together. Our love was strong I knew being so young that he was the one. We continued our relationship and it was the best. When I turned 16 my family made a decision to move out of state, I was devastated however, at the same time he decided to join the military. I can remember saying good bye to him and it was the hardest thing for a young girl in love I knew my life was going to change. He soon left to boot camp after we moved but we continued our relationship and I was committed I loved him so much that even typing this brings back that feeling. As I continued high school I would visit him and he would visit me and one day he proposed in the most beautiful way and I accepted, what I felt was so deep. Our families were so excited he was what I wanted and I started planning my wedding at such a young age. Then something happened, I turned 18 and right before my high school graduation I started wondering off with friends, prom, school events, and doing what kids do in high school, I was very involved and very popular in school and just let loose like a teenager should. Until this day I cannot remember why we ended the relationship. After four years I found out he was engaged and I was a mess. We happened to be in our hometown at the same time before his wedding and somehow we ended up in car talking, holding hands and I tried so hard to express my feelings and tell him I love him not to get married but it didn't happen, I froze. He got married that year and I went on and struggled with many relationships, I knew I made a mistake I was not able to find what I had with him. Through the years I was able to keep up with his status through family and met someone 18 years ago who I'm still with however not married, we have two wonderful boys and yes our relationship has been rocky but we find a way to work it out and I can't seem to commit in a marriage. I think about my first love all the time and our many many wonderful memories. I found out he recently moved to the same state I live in and lives about 10 minutes away from me. I was in shock, I've never had him this close to me in fact, I ran into him at a retail store but I made sure he didn't see me, right next to him I saw what should of been me. All my emotions came through me like it was the first day. It's been six years and never bothered him. With Facebook available, I started to inbox him to say happy birthday for the past two years and he replies "thank you", even though we have 18 mutual friends I know to not to cross the line to add each other as friends because of our relationships. Recently I came across something that was given to me when we were engaged and I think it belongs to him and his family as a treasure. I decided to reach out to him through a family member on FB to ask if he is willing to see me to give him this treasure with no strings attached. To my surprise I find out he is going through a divorce, I felt horrible for him because he is a man of commitment and he always made it clear divorce will never be an option in his world. Bottom line is he wont see me and I'm not sure why I am so confused why wont he see me? Yet he is willing to meet my sister somewhere to collect his item? Why? I'm hurt why not me? Why can't he see me? I want to think it's because he is dealing with a divorce. I hope that one day he can reach out to me I figure we are adults we can talk like adults. Then again deep inside I will always love this man, he taught me to love, respect and passion I've never found in anyone else. I feel guilty for feeling like this and extremely HURT he won't see me. I know a part of me would like to clear the air but can I handle seeing him? I always said if I ever run into again him I will hug him so tight and most likely never let go. So confused can someone answer why he won't see me???? Confused!