After 26 years

by Jane Doe
(Austin, Texas)

We met when I was 14 and he was 16 our families grew up together so we spent a lot of time together. Our love was strong I knew being so young that he was the one. We continued our relationship and it was the best. When I turned 16 my family made a decision to move out of state, I was devastated however, at the same time he decided to join the military. I can remember saying good bye to him and it was the hardest thing for a young girl in love I knew my life was going to change. He soon left to boot camp after we moved but we continued our relationship and I was committed I loved him so much that even typing this brings back that feeling. As I continued high school I would visit him and he would visit me and one day he proposed in the most beautiful way and I accepted, what I felt was so deep. Our families were so excited he was what I wanted and I started planning my wedding at such a young age. Then something happened, I turned 18 and right before my high school graduation I started wondering off with friends, prom, school events, and doing what kids do in high school, I was very involved and very popular in school and just let loose like a teenager should. Until this day I cannot remember why we ended the relationship. After four years I found out he was engaged and I was a mess. We happened to be in our hometown at the same time before his wedding and somehow we ended up in car talking, holding hands and I tried so hard to express my feelings and tell him I love him not to get married but it didn't happen, I froze. He got married that year and I went on and struggled with many relationships, I knew I made a mistake I was not able to find what I had with him. Through the years I was able to keep up with his status through family and met someone 18 years ago who I'm still with however not married, we have two wonderful boys and yes our relationship has been rocky but we find a way to work it out and I can't seem to commit in a marriage. I think about my first love all the time and our many many wonderful memories. I found out he recently moved to the same state I live in and lives about 10 minutes away from me. I was in shock, I've never had him this close to me in fact, I ran into him at a retail store but I made sure he didn't see me, right next to him I saw what should of been me. All my emotions came through me like it was the first day. It's been six years and never bothered him. With Facebook available, I started to inbox him to say happy birthday for the past two years and he replies "thank you", even though we have 18 mutual friends I know to not to cross the line to add each other as friends because of our relationships. Recently I came across something that was given to me when we were engaged and I think it belongs to him and his family as a treasure. I decided to reach out to him through a family member on FB to ask if he is willing to see me to give him this treasure with no strings attached. To my surprise I find out he is going through a divorce, I felt horrible for him because he is a man of commitment and he always made it clear divorce will never be an option in his world. Bottom line is he wont see me and I'm not sure why I am so confused why wont he see me? Yet he is willing to meet my sister somewhere to collect his item? Why? I'm hurt why not me? Why can't he see me? I want to think it's because he is dealing with a divorce. I hope that one day he can reach out to me I figure we are adults we can talk like adults. Then again deep inside I will always love this man, he taught me to love, respect and passion I've never found in anyone else. I feel guilty for feeling like this and extremely HURT he won't see me. I know a part of me would like to clear the air but can I handle seeing him? I always said if I ever run into again him I will hug him so tight and most likely never let go. So confused can someone answer why he won't see me???? Confused!

Comments for After 26 years

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Jun 20, 2012
thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for the comments you both are totally correct and I needed to hear it from a stranger (my family has too many opinions and always wished for what never happened) I'm staying away completely it's best for him and best for me.

Jun 17, 2012
not seeing others during a divorce
by: Anonymous

It is a very confusing time during a divorce. Some people are hurting so bad they reach out to friends that are close and sometimes in this vulnerable state they cross a line seeking comfort and then they end up losing the friendship as well. Boundaries are fuzzy at those times so it is best to keep some people at arms length, allowing them to be a friend but not more. Perhaps this person has to get their energies gathered and be 'together' before even seeing someone again that may elicit strong emotion.

Jun 17, 2012
Missed opportunity for love
by: Doreen England U.K.

Dear Jane Doe
You tell a long story but the matter is that you let a man who you loved slip through your fingers and you are now chasing him now you know he is going through a divorce, and may be available.
Had you not known he was going through a divorce you were sort of chasing him and it would be wrong because you would be putting his marriage in danger if you found that he suddenly made a pass at you. What would you have done then? would you have turned him away or entered into an affair? You are playing a dangerous game. It hurts when someone we love does not reciprocate our love. But if you are mature enough you will realize that you have both changed and even though you feel the same way about this man he may not feel the same way about you otherwise he would see you and not your sister. You are testing the waters and it is not working for you.
You may have to give up or just play hard to get and see if this works.
If this man is in any way interested in you then he will come for you and I can assure you that you will have a better relationship if a man chooses you. He may be so hurt going through a divorce he just wants some space and it can be off putting if you are chasing him. Relationships on the rebound seldom get off the ground so watch out.

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