Agent Orange widow

I lost my husband one year ago on November 18th....He died from complications of Agent Orange exposure. He suffered for 8 years and then finally went to sleep in his chair. We knew this was going to happen, we knew that he wasn't going to live forever...He was on dialysis 12 hours a day, but he even went to my grandson's thanksgiving play the day he died. I am so lost and don't know what God wants me to do. I just go through the motions of living day to day, go to work, try to do things that i enjoy, but there is always this BIG hole that never goes away. With Veterans day and his one year of passing, i don't even want to get out of bed. I thought that i would be better by now.

Comments for Agent Orange widow

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Nov 15, 2012
agent Orange widow
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your husband after an 8 year battle with illness. Going out to work will help you not to be so lonely but it is when you come back from work that you will feel so alone. You sound as if you have a Spiritual Faith. This will help you as will having a church support. Not feeling like getting out of bed is the same for many of us. Grief wounds us so much that it causes our system to collapse to the point that it is very difficult to pick ourselves up from where we are.
It must have been so devastating for you and your husband knowing that he would one day die of this illness, but not knowing when. It somehow takes the joy out of living. Your husband would also have had a very poor quality of life and not be able to LIVE. It would have been just as hard on you.
My husband died 6 months ago of a deadly cancer and I nursed him for over 3yrs. and this was a slow and painfull death for him and I had to watch him die slowly. Life is CRUEL. But we have no control over this and what happens to us as this disease was not self inflicted. It was inflicted upon you, and you had to cope the best way you could.
I hope that you have a good supportive family and friends who will walk with you in your grief and make it more bearable. With Christmas coming doesn't help as we have to do this ALONE or with the emptiness we don't want. May God walk with you and help lift you out of this pain and sorrow of grief and give you Peace and better days ahead.

Nov 14, 2012
Agent Orange Widow
by: Judith in California

I'm so sorry for your loss and the circumstance for which he died.
It's been only a year. Grief works of it's own time. We can't expect it to be gone in one year. Ther is no magical day it will end.There will always be the grief corner in your heart for him. It will rear it's head when you least expect it.
For me it's been two years and two months today and I still grieve at some of the most strange times. I will do something and it will remind me of him/us and I cry as if his passing just happened.

God wants you to go forward with your life and be the best person you can for those left in your life.

One breath, one minute, one day at a time

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