AIN'T NO SUNSHINE WHEN HE'S GONE

by Miryana
(Bosnia)

It was February 5th 2014, misty and foggy like most days in February. A day like every other. I woke up early in the morning, took my little girl to school, got back home and phoned to chat with my mum, as I would do every day. Just as soon as we finished our conversation, a phone rang and I KNEW something was wrong. My mum's voice was lost and I knew my beloved father had passed away. He went of to work and never came back. He died of a sudden Cardiac Arrest and was found dead in his car. My whole world broke into pieces since then as he was my stone, me mentor, my sunshine... Even if I have my own family, my dear daddy was part of my everyday life; we talked everyday and he was my source of unconditional love. Sometimes the grief is overwhelming that it sees I'm going to die, too. I also feel sorry for my mum who is so lonely now and it's very difficult for me to comfort her and have the same burden of grief at the same time. And, of course, all our ''friends'' vanished since my father's death and NOBODY understands what we're going through.Sometimes I think I'm in a vicious circle, because there's no one I can talk to. I think I'm going crazy.

Comments for AIN'T NO SUNSHINE WHEN HE'S GONE

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Sep 19, 2014
Poor thing
by: Anonymous

How awful you poor thing I am sorry for you

Jun 30, 2014
My Dad, my sweetheart
by: Anne

I lost my precious Dad suddenly before Thanksgiving and it is so hard knowing Ill never get to look into his eyes and say I love you Dad!!! I am proud of you Dad!! The world is a better place for the 81 years he blessed the world

Jun 16, 2014
Dear Miryana,
by: Anonymous

I'm glad you have found support here. This website has been a saving grace for me this past year. I never sought out counseling in the traditional sense-I feel like I get it all here. You asked if it has gotten any easier, and I honestly don't know how to answer. I am so changed now, but some change has been good. I have come to realize that each day we have is a gift. I know it may sound like a cliche, but I really and truly realize it now. To see how quickly life can end and life can change, makes me appreciate all I have each day. I also have taken so much of what I learned from my father and have incorporated it into my life. My father was a very smart, kind and witty man. He thought things through. He didn't judge anybody. He was a friend to everyone he met. He was always there to help. I have tried to make a conscience effort to be more like him. To be more patient, to be kinder, and to not get caught up in all the "small" stuff. So, in that regard, his death has helped me grow as a person. But, there is always a coldness and an emptiness in my heart. The fact that I will never speak to him again, hear his voice, or share a cup of coffee with him is simply so hard to grasp. My children had such wonderful times with him, and he was an integral part of our lives. The void that is left is so noticeable and so huge. I also have trouble trying to help my mother. She has gotten to the acceptance phase I guess, but she is still so sad. They were together 50 years. I know now that I will never be the same as I was before, but time is a great healer. I take each day as it comes, and try to be kind to myself as I go along. I hope you continue to read the posts here. I wish you peace as you continue to heal. Hugs, Barb

Jun 16, 2014
AIN'T NO SUNSHINE WHEN HE'S GONE
by: Miryana

Thank you all for your support, I really appreciate it! That's why we're here. And you're all right-people simply disappear when you need them most and that's one more thing which kills me. All I need is a good listener, and Barb, as you said even if we're worlds apart we understand each other. You wrote that your beloved father passed away in January 2013,and I'd like to know if it gets any easier after almost a year and a half. Our story is almost identical, my mum is devastated and lost and doesn't know how to carry on, so it's very difficult for me to express my grief in front of her. I rather go to the cemetery on my own and spend some time there crying and sobbing. I'm not an only child but my only brother lives thousands of miles away and he couldn't even be here for dad's funeral. But the thing that is killing me the most is my mum's loneliness though she lives five minutes' drive from me and my family visit her very often and my kids spend a lot of time with her. She misses my dad terribly. Thank you all, my heart is with you

Jun 14, 2014
To all the grieving 'Children'
by: Debi

I wish we could all meet and hold each other. I lost my beloved mum 4 weeks ago to this very day.Suddenly to a cardiac arrest.She died cold and alone on her bedroom floor with me living in another country. I had only kissed her goodbye at the airport 18 days earlier and how could I not know it was the last time?I am an only child and on her death the curtain on my past was drawn. People do have problems dealing with others grief but only those who haven't never experienced it. Our societies cannot seem to deal with grief although it is an inevitable part of life.I cannot comfort myself that this pain will go not in this life. It is forever and has changed me, however I vow to use my pain to empathise and help others in grief. I can hear my mum saying 'come on Debi, I hate to see you like this, you must go on' and I will. Just not today. Love to all of you X

Jun 12, 2014
Time and God
by: Evelyn

I lost my father ten days ago. It is an agony I cannot describe. You know the feeling all too well and my heart goes out to you for the enormous loss of your father. I'm not an expert and go only on the day by day. I use my faith in God to help me through this. Our loved ones do not want to see us sad and tortured. We have to grieve, yes, or we won't heal but we have to remind ourselves that they are in a place of love, free of worry and will be with us until we meet again when it's our turn to go to the light. Give yourself time and don't rush your healing but don't fall into a depression. Your father would not want that for you and would certainly be mad if you couldn't continue your journey. Our parents have all faced some sort of loss in their life and found a way to cope. The pain will always be there to an extent, but it cannot take over your life. God gave us the gift of life and gave us the gift of our beloved family. We have to at one point look at the positive instead of the negative. There is good and bad with death. We miss and long for them but we have to be grateful knowing they will no longer suffer and will be around us. Sending you much love and warmth.

Jun 10, 2014
it's normal
by: Anonymous

When you lose such a strong source in your life, it makes you feel like life is dull and the sun will never be bright as it was when he was living. I know cause when my brother died I had nobody to talk to and still don't, but God truly does listens to you. Keep on praying and take everything one day ay a time. Like my big Bro use to say (T.T.D.L.F) tough times don't last forever.

Jun 10, 2014
Ain't no sunshine when He's gone
by: Doreen UK

Miryana I am sorry for your loss of your father to a sudden death. Your mother will find life so very difficult now and very LONELY. I don't know why people vanish from our lives after someone dies. I keep hearing this story so much and I will never understand this. Just when you need people around you at this time you find yourself all alone. Many will make an appearance to see if they can get something from you. I lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago. WE were married 44yrs. I had so many cousins come and an aunty to ask me if I had anything to give them. I was so grief stricken I gave too much away that I could use now. I didn't think I would recover a little and feel different. My son had a new wife who has a brother who is a lawyer. My son is then asking all the questions about his Dad's Will and I found out he kept annoying the solicitors for the Will and they told me they don't get involved in family disputes. Even though they know this is familiar territory to them. I know my son's personality and he would have been influenced my his new wife. My son would never act like this. Also my daughter is not like this and she wanted her dad's things. I know my children and they are not like this. They are being influenced by other people. I find this so distressing, and hurtful. I even get questions about who will inherit this house which passes to me since my husband died. Enquiries about whose name the house is in.
All you can do is to take ONE DAY AT A TIME and for you and your mother to support one another. May we all find peace through our pain and loss.

Jun 09, 2014
I'm sorry
by: Laura

You are not alone. My wonderful father died of a massive heart attack on May 1st. The pain is truly unbearable. You are not alone friend. I pray you can find comfort and peace.

Jun 09, 2014
Dear Miryana
by: Anonymous

While reading your post, I started to cry. I could have written the post myself-almost word for word. I got the same phone call from my mother on January 14,2013. My dear, sweet
father also suffered Sudden Cardiac Arrest. I had just gotten my children off to school-it was a regular Monday morning. My world shattered that day, and I my life will ever be the same. My father was my friend, my teacher, the shoulder to cry on-even though I am married and have a wonderful family of my own, he was still the one I always turned to. He understood me better than anybody else. Even my mother. They would have been together 50 years, and my mother is devastated. I am an only child, and try not to show my sadness to her because she is still so fragile. I cry and grieve when I am alone, and I talk to him constantly. I hope you find some comfort reading these posts. We all understand what you are going through, and even though we are worlds apart, we are connected by these emotions, and this deep sadness. I will keep you in my thoughts. Time is a great healer, and while the void will always be there, the comfort of great memories and love will slowly seep back into your life. Wishing you comfort and peace, Barb

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