I lost my darling wife of 40 years 12 weeks ago. She died in her sleep right next to me. I tried to bring her back with CPR and so did the paramedics. When the guy said to me "sorry, there's nothing more we can do", this deep pain in my heart started and is still there. I still can't accept that she has gone. How am I supposed to live without my soulmate, my companion, my lover? She was only 58. We married when she was 18 and I was 20. She had been sick for quite a while and I was her carer but this was sudden. There was no clue she was going to pass away. I know there is an afterlife and I can feel her prescence sometimes. In fact, she has made her prescence known to me, my son and daughter. It's comforting to know I will see her again. I never really knew what grief was until now. I have lost other family members but this pain is indescribable. I even went to the doctors because of my heart pain. I told him it was grief but he checked it anyway. Everything was fine. Now I have to live without her and it's not going to be easy. I have my son and daughter and have arranged to see my sister and relatives in Europe and that is keeping me going. I feel so sorry for anyone that loses their soulmate and has no other loved ones. I can understand them wanting to join their loved one. I do write quite a bit now and I find it does help. I write letters to my darling and it makes me feel better. To anyone reading this who has lost a loved one, I am so sorry for you and hope you realise you are not alone. My prayers and best wishes to you.