Alcohol killed my brother
I idolized and adored him. He was a superstar, charismatic and adored by everyone he met. I was always in his shadow. He almost died several times from alcohol-related issues, so I always knew it was possible and that next time he wouldn't be so lucky.
As alcohol took over his life, he became mean. He told me I had been a burden to him his entire adult life. He told me that he didn't want a relationship with me anymore, except that he wanted to have a relationship with my kids, so he would put up with me for that.
Might have been alcohol talking, but it still hurts.
Finally he succumbed and the outpouring of grief was overwhelming. He had two memorial services, no, one was not enough for this guy, he had lived in two different states... it was hard celebrating the guy who I had always thought was my best friend, who had said these things to me, I had already been mourning that relationship.
How long will this hurt?
I wish I could find, somewhere, something that would tell me that he loved me. I was there, I watched him die in the hospital, surrounded by family and friends.
I think he was gone a long time....