Alcohol killed my brother

I idolized and adored him. He was a superstar, charismatic and adored by everyone he met. I was always in his shadow. He almost died several times from alcohol-related issues, so I always knew it was possible and that next time he wouldn't be so lucky.

As alcohol took over his life, he became mean. He told me I had been a burden to him his entire adult life. He told me that he didn't want a relationship with me anymore, except that he wanted to have a relationship with my kids, so he would put up with me for that.

Might have been alcohol talking, but it still hurts.

Finally he succumbed and the outpouring of grief was overwhelming. He had two memorial services, no, one was not enough for this guy, he had lived in two different states... it was hard celebrating the guy who I had always thought was my best friend, who had said these things to me, I had already been mourning that relationship.

How long will this hurt?

I wish I could find, somewhere, something that would tell me that he loved me. I was there, I watched him die in the hospital, surrounded by family and friends.

I think he was gone a long time....


Comments for Alcohol killed my brother

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Aug 04, 2014
your brother
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss of your brother I lost my son he was only 21 at the time he had problems but then who doesn't I only discovered it was alcohol and heroin the combination of both that took him from me.I will always love him until the day I die and hopefully see him again it is only just over a year that I lost him I knew he drank but I never thought he would take heroin I had always told him about the dangers I love my son with all my heart like you do your brother alcohol is as dangerous as some drugs out there as its so easy to get hold of but I had to reply when I read your post your brother knew you loved him and I'm so sorry you feel the way you do I can say it gets bearable but the emptiness I feel never goes away like a piece of my heart is missing this site helped me so much as I didn't feel so alone and I hope it helps you take a day at a time there's no timescale to our feelings but we can cherish the good times we were lucky enough to have shared with them remember their smiles x

Aug 04, 2014
Feel so Alone
by: Josie

Today Aug. 4th would of been my brother's 61st b-day he died last yr on Mother's day. I had 3 brothers and lost two of them from drinking I am the only surviving member of my immediate family & was the only girl the youngest. I always looked up at my brothers but sometimes I felt like I was the adult because I would find myself taking care of them. If I could tell you how many hateful things that would be said in a drunken stupor I could go on & on. Your brother was battling his own demons and taking it out on the people he loved most. Please forgive him fully foremost so you can move on if not you are never going to be at peace. No one who has an addiction including myself who was going down that same path want to hear anyone tell them they need help so we push are loved ones away. You know deep in your heart your brother loved you don't let the devil win by keeping those thoughts in your head think of the happy memories that you both shared. May God bless you and give you comfort I will be praying for you and me.

Aug 04, 2014
Alcohol killed my brother
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your brother and the loss of relationship. You have been severely bruised emotionally by all the hurtful remarks he made to you, despite being inebriated with alcohol. My daughter's friend she went on holiday with said very hurtful things to her which caused her to walk out on her on holiday. She was vulnerable and it was a dangerous situation. I am proud of her for saying enough is enough by her actions in walking out. Her friend came to her senses and realised she had gone too far and apologised and they came home together from Thailand. My daughter cannot have a relationship with her as these hurtful remarks said more about her jealousy and controlling and manipulative behaviour in which she has lost respect for this girl. She is responsible.
You are not responsible for these hurtful remarks your brother said to you. HE IS. He cannot apologise to you, and he can't take these words back, due to his death. He can't put it right. He is the loser. You need to put the responsibility on him, whether he is here or not, and in time be able to let go of the hurt he caused you. Whatever happens your brother crossed a boundary which He is responsible for. You did nothing wrong and this should make you happy and content in doing the right thing in LETTING IT GO. The wrong things people say about you says more about them, and in no way DEFINES who you are. Don't let this change you and affect your life. I always say to my daughter. If ten people all had a different opinion of you WHO WOULD YOU BELIEVE? You have the choice now whether to believe those negative remarks or the positive ones. Do everything you can to build yourself up.
My sister and her husband took on the care for our elderly father. She rushed to get Power of Attorney for his care. When it became too much for her she started hitting on us her 2 sisters. She was wrong because she did not put a plan in place for us to be involved in our father's care. Hence the Power of Attorney. She is totally responsible and I let her know it. I am not responsible if she accepts this responsibility or not. She is. Always remember not to accept responsibility if it is not yours to accept. Learn strategies in how to CONFRONT. Don't spend the rest of your life beating yourself up. Let it go. People will always have an opinion which may say more about them than you. Are you going to believe something that is not true?

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